B Positive

Reconsidering....

2012-02-09T17:26:00.001-08:00

I don't even know where to begin. I have never used this blog as a platform for personal issues...Melissa DID. But it was (IS) her blog. But I know that this is something she would be posting here. This is an issue close to HER heart. It has always been about Melissa in some way, or at least I've tried. But this is something that she was passionate about - and so am I.

I'm sure you have read or heard about the decision that the Susan G. Komen Foundation made regarding grants to Planned Parenthood. Personally, I am so disappointed that the Komen Foundation turned a BREAST CANCER issue into an abortion issue. The more I read, I truly feel that it was purely political. I walk in the 3 day walks for MY DAUGHTER. To END breast cancer. So NO OTHER WOMAN will ever have to go through what Melissa went through...or what I went through WITH Melissa.
Suddenly it's not about women's health.

Most of you know that Melissa was pregnant when she was diagnosed with breast cancer. I want you to read what SHE posted when someone questioned her support of Obama in the last election:

First of all the statement "Pro- Choice which includes partial birth abortion" is not really accurate is it?

The Supreme Court has upheld the partial birth abortion ban as of
2007 from what I can see (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Partial-Birth_Abortion_Ban_Act),
So people who are pro-choice, are actually "Pro-choice which does NOT include partial birth abortion since it is illegal"

Belive it or not? I am anti-abortion but pro-choice. I dont think its right, and like Sarah Palin, I too, made the decision to keep a pregnancy aganst suggestions of some drs. (You posted anonymously so I dont know if you know that when I was first diagnosed, I was three months pregant. I had more than one doctor say that "Nobody would blame me" if I wanted to terminate the pregancy since I had so much on my plate and was facing a tough fight of chemotherapy)

I went to church, prayed with a priest, and walked out knowing I was able to do this. I wanted to keep the child and just couldnt even think about having an abortion.

If you ever wondered why I wear a prosthesis and didnt get full reconstruction at the time of the surgery, its because I was not quite into my 2nd trimester when I could safely have chemotherapy, so the doc shuffled the treatments and I ended up getting a mastectomy first - BUT NO RECONSTRUCTION, because I would need to start chemo soon after, and reconstruction would have meant a much longer recovery time, and I had a small window to get that taken care of and get healed before taking the chemo.

As you may or may not know, we lost our son, John Patrick when i was seven months. I went into pre-term labor because of a cervix issue (not chemo related) and we had a funeral for him just before I started radiation.

I dont think abortion is right - and I have had friends terminate pregancies right under my nose and I have tried to talk them out of it and they still do it. This they do knowing that I cannot have children.

Did George Sr or George Jr. overturn Roe v Wade? No. Is John McCain going to overturn it? No. But you still keep voting for those conservatives because they're on "Gods Side" on this issue.

You'll vote for a politican that will cut funding on single mothers who decided to keep their baby, and seriously doubt you've ever considered adoption or fostering these unwanted children, have you?

Drugs are Illegal. Do people still do drugs?

Of course they do, and its an even worse situation than if it were legal and controlled, because bad people make BIG MONEY off the weakness of others. It creates crime, and its a horrible situation.

If abortion were banned, do you think people would stop having abortions?

Of course not - young women would turn to evil people performing even more dangerous procedures, they would try to drink alcohol to kill the baby, maybe go back the old school use of hangars to abort the child. Our country has already experienced this-which may be why RvW is upheld.

Making abortion illegal WILL NOT STOP ABORTIONS.

Its an issue that communities and churches together should be working on to not only -and I know you cons just HATE THIS - PROMOTE SAFE SEX....Heavily encourage adoption.....make these girls know they have a better choice to make.

THIS is what will curb abortion, not overturning the law. Its a matter of how strongly you feel about abortion and how you translate that into work or volunteering to help change the minds of young women.

Are you willing to work towards that goal, or are you simply satisfied with giving your vote to an anti-abortion candidate who you know wont change anything, sit back, and say, "Ive done all I could."

That, my friends, is what is horrifying about the anti-abortion issue. Do you really think for a cottin-pickin minute that abortion is what McCain is going to focus on? Thats the reason why so many of "the Base" werent really supporting him in the first place!
******** ********* **********

So, I'm pretty sure Melissa would be supportive of our decision.
I want to do the RIGHT thing...because I'm doing it for HER.

I know that within a couple of days, Komen reversed their decision. But the damage has been done. Four people are registered on our team, and we are all very concerned about be able to raise the money to do the walk. (on my FB page it shows that I have raised $2400 for the walk. This was money raised by the Kelts at the fundraiser in October - I sent the check in the DAY BEFORE this happened!)

Another interesting thing I found out...only 24% of the monies from the fundraising goes to breast cancer research. I should have done MY research. But I walked because I walked with Melissa - we BOTH believed in the Komen Foundation. I need to do MORE research, but in the meantime, Angie and I have been talking about starting doing a 5K(+)...and raising money to donate locally for women with breast cancer.
I think Melissa would like THAT too.

So. That is where I stand. I know everyone might not agree, but I want to do what Melissa would do. I think her post on her stand (above)pretty much says it all.

As soon as we make a definite decision, I'll post more info on the blog.

And without further ado...a pic of DREW! (you knew that was coming, didn't you?)

We have more pictures of Melissa making faces than NOT making faces...so when I catch Andrew making one...I take it! His Aunt Fort would love it!

Had a relaxing weekend (and a trip to the boat) with good friends, Mary & Curt...
(Curt was Donny's fraternity brother in college...they are now in our "club"...
the one year anniversary for their daughter Courtney is this weekend...thinking of you Courtney - I know you and Melissa are watching over us!)

Nick & Mere's new house...getting there! The weather has been cooperative and they seem to be right on schedule!

Happy 80th Birthday Grandma Fortener!
Had a nice party at Marion's for Grandma's birthday (Melissa's
Marions!) Lots of people (there's at least 40 just with Donny's
brother's/sisters/nieces and nephews!) then you add cousins,
friends....she was smiling ear to ear all day. The only thing
missing was Melissa's laughter...even "Uncle" Howard said "If Melissa
were here, she would be the life of the party". You are SO right
Howard. How I miss that EVERY single day.

It's official....

2012-01-26T14:18:00.001-08:00

I'm officially registered for ANOTHER 3 Day, 60 mile walk...this time in San Diego!

A couple of weeks ago, I ran into a good friend of Fort's, and we decided to do the walk again. She said "I know you want to walk in Atlanta because that's where you walked with Melissa, but it's time to take her story to ANOTHER city." (Although SHE isn't registered yet...I'm hoping she is joining me and Ang!)

I couldn't agree more. So we chose San Diego.

***

Dear Melissa,

I'm doing the walk again, for YOU. Three times in Atlanta, and I want to share you story in MORE cities. We walked to end breast cancer...and I will CONTINUE your fight until there IS an end to breast cancer.

I love you and miss you EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Mom
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

(p.s. If anyone reading would like to join us, we are registered under
Team B POSITIVE, again. If I can do it, YOU can do it (that's what Melissa said to me. And we did! It is an experience of a lifetime.)

Extended birthday...

2012-01-09T16:46:00.000-08:00

A few years ago, Melissa posted on JP's birthday, along with a photo of HIS grave. She wrote "I never thought I'd be visiting my son at the cemetery on his birthday."
I never thought I'd be visiting MY daughter at the cemetery on HER birthday. But I do. I buy her a card, balloons, and sing happy birthday to her. Just too hard to stop.

We had another balloon release - about 20 people were there. It was a beautiful, sunny day. Warmest one yet. Will probably do this every year. Makes ME feel better...

Sending Melissa balloons (AND messages!) to help her celebration in heaven...

I asked Angie to write ANOTHER tribute (she does it every year)...she did a great job AGAIN. Thanks Ang. You say exactly what I feel...

I spent many years while Fort had cancer being terrified of a world without her. The idea of it always took my breath away...literally. It was a world impossible to imagine and it really wasn't one that I was excited about living in. Yet, here we all are three years after losing her. Everyday since January 3, 2009 the sun has still risen and set and the world has kept right on going. The thing is, that while she left this place and isn't physically with us---she really is still here in so many ways. She's here in each of us. If you close your eyes tight, I bet you can still see her pretty face, hear her contagious laugh, or remember a funny Fort story.

You channel her energy when you have a tough choice to make or when you need an attitude check. When you complain or feel sorry for yourself, you hear her voice saying, "Suck it up!" In our lives after Fort, you are able to see the bright side even in a tough situation. She's there in the rainbow in the sky, the butterfly that crosses your path, and in every blessing that comes your way. There are smells and sounds and songs and movies that keep her with me everyday. I hope that ten years from now every one of those memories is just as vivid in mind as they are right now...I think they will be. Fort was pretty much the MOST unforgetable person EVER invented! We miss you Fort, but as long as we all live we'll keep your memory alive and well down here on earth. Happy birthday, Fort. We love you and miss you.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

On a lighter note...In 2008, Melissa and Stacy turned 30. Pauly turned 40. They decided to celebrate with "100 Years of Greatness". Had dinner with a few friends at Bangkok Bistro next to Haps (where all the parties are after the rugby matches).
Since then, they celebrate every year, include Melissa, AND include us. This year was "112 Years of Greatness" (Stacy 34, Melissa 34, Pauly 44). The first year without Melissa, Stacy made a CD "One Year Later". Melissa LOVED Stacy's CD mixes. So do I. Last year, it was "TWO", this year "THREE". Great music,each song chosen for a specific reason. I love it. They all shared great memories about Melissa. We are so happy that they include us every year, and so happy that they continue to share stories.

*******
Fort LOVED when Drew did something cute... so I have to share this. She would love it.
On New Years Day, Drew woke up and said "Pop Pop. I think I have a beard."
Donny laughed and told him to tell Pamma. Then he said "Pamma. I think I have a mustache!" (as he was feeling his upper lip)...now WHY he would think that...WHO knows. Maybe he thinks since his DAD has one, HE is growing one. It was kind of funny...He keeps us smiling, that's for sure!

Happy Birthday FORT!!!!

2012-01-05T06:00:00.000-08:00

You did and you did. Happy Birthday Melissa Marie...we love you!

(just a note...as soon as I started on the blog today, the puzzle went off. I hope that means she's OK with me posting...I know she just wants to let me know she's watching over me - and making sure I don't post anything she wouldn't like!)

But she knows that every year on her birthday, I tell the story of the day she was born. It was usually when we took her to China Cottage for her "traditional" birthday lunch. And by the way - we're going today to celebrate her birthday - and always have them put out a place setting for her. I know she will be there with us.

So. Today we have lunch and YOU get to hear the story AGAIN of the day she was born, because I have to tell SOMEBODY.

34 years ago today, Thursday, January 5, 1978 @ 5 a.m. I woke up in labor. My bag was packed, including a deck of cards (because we were expecting a long labor) and we were on our way to St. Elizabeth Hospital in Dayton. It was an unusually warm January morning. Arrived at the hospital around 5:30 - labor progressed pretty quickly. No time for card games! Melissa Marie arrived at 1:19 p.m.. She weighed
7 lbs. 5 oz. and was 20 inches long. Lots of dark hair. BEAUTIFUL. HEALTHY. And in those days, they gave moms a couple of days to get acquainted with their new babies before they sent us home. That was nice.

It had started snowing while we were in the hosptial and by the time we were ready to go home there were several inches of snow on the ground. The day we were to come home - our car wouldn't start. So "Uncle" Rick (George) Kayser came to the rescue, picked up Donny (daddy) and came to bring us home. I sat in the front seat HOLDING Melissa (no car seats required 34 years ago!)and daddy was in the back seat (since we had a chauffer!) Had to swing by the Fortener's on the way home (they lived just a few blocks away) so Grandma and Grandpa could see their FIRST grandchild and Donny's seven brothers and sisters could see their first niece! (which meant LOTS of babysitters!).

Two weeks later the "Blizzard of 78" hit - we were pretty much stranded in the house for about a week. It was a LONG winter. But it started the most wonderful journey of our lives.

We had ALMOST 31 years with Melissa. Not long enough, but so blessed to have the most beautiful, caring, funny daughter every day of her (short) life.
We love you and MISS YOU every single day Melissa. Happy Birthday.

And without further ado...here are the pictures (as Melissa would ALWAYS do!)
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This was Melissa's first birthday. She had no idea what was going on, but she loved her birthdays from then on...it was always a party because of her dad's big family, then add my family and a couple of friends...no WONDER she loved a good party!
(Oh - and those were the days when you made your birthday cakes on your own!)

...and some birthdays in between...

This was Melissa's last birthday. We had a 30th birthday party for her...no surprise - it was REALLY hard to surprise her - she ALWAYS found out and really didn't want to be surprised. It was a GREAT party and I am SO glad we had it. I know she was too!

So another year goes by and we celebrate without her. But we will ALWAYS celebrate her birthday. And you will ALWAYS hear the story. Because if YOU don't listen, who can I tell? Thank you so much for joining us on OUR new journey. You help us get through each day.

Enjoy YOUR birthdays, and don't forget to take LOTS of pictures!

3 Years.....

2012-01-03T06:11:00.001-08:00

The past three years are pretty much a blur. STILL seems like yesterday that Melissa was here. No matter how busy I try to keep myself, every day my brain shows "clips" of that day...3 years ago today. Actually, from the Monday before Thanksgiving until her birthday, every day is ETCHED in my brain. (Funny how traumatic events in your life are etched in your brain, never to be lost...and how other memories are lost. That's why I appreciate stories of Melissa ANY time!)

Thanksgiving "clips" when she was in the hospital, "clips" of the night she went into ICU.
The day she was coming home from Hospice, she told me she wanted to go to the Fairmont girls basketball game, much to my dismay. I was so afraid that she would "get sick" with "ALL THOSE PEOPLE THERE"...(what was I thinking?-she wasn't going to get any sicker than she already was...) When the doctor came in to release her, Melissa said "Can I go to a basketball game this weekend?" The doctors response to me? "She can do anything she wants. She has 2 hours of oxygen, so just get her home before her oxygen runs out!" Of course I got the "look" from Melissa - you know, the look that says "I told you so".
A couple days before Christmas, she decided she wanted to go shopping. So we took her to Target. She wheeled herself around Target, (ON HER OWN) to buy gifts for all of us. (with an oxygen tank on the back of the wheelchair!)
"Clips" of our last Christmas together. In Melissa's words "this is the best Christmas EVER!"
WHen she said "next Christmas, we're taking all the toys out of the boxes" (because when Drew opened his gifts, everything is attached to boxes like they don't want you to get them OUT of the box!) I LOVED that she was talking about NEXT Christmas. She was talking about the future. She was not giving up.
That Christmas was my best ever too. It was the most peaceful Christmas we had ever had, that's for sure. No drama. No stress (other than the obvious). But even that didn't keep us from enjoying that Christmas. A friend of mine from school had her mom come over and take our family photos (THANK GOD for that - they are our last COMPLETE family pictures together). On Christmas Day, Dad and Sue came over. And of course Melissa HAD to go to the Fortener family Christmas. Normally Christmas Eve was at our house, but since that wasn't possible that Christmas (because of a Hospice Bed and oxygen in our family room), Mike had Christmas at his house. She was not feeling well, but she was determined to be there, oxygen and all. She got into the car herself, out of the car into Mike's house on her own, and when we got ready to leave, everyone wanted a picture of her and John. "OMG" she said. Then she started to count down "10-9-8..." showing her disgust that everyone wanted her picture, in a humerous sort of way. She never lost her sense of humor.
That night, John went back to Cincy (had to work the next day). Angie spent the night and we slept in the family room with Melissa. Her breathing was not good, and by the time the nurse arrived the next morning, it was decided that she had to go back to Hospice. She told me and Ang "let's keep this on the DL". She didn't want anyone to think she wasn't getting better. ( In fact, if you read her last post - go to the archives to Dec 2008)you would have been convinced that she was going to be going back to work in a couple of weeks.
So back to Hospice she went. That was Monday. The next day in Hospice, she pleaded with me to go home. (she was on 15 litres of oxygen, can't provide that at home). I hated that.
Although her birthday was January 5, I asked some of her friends and family to send cards early. I told her it was because her birthday was on Monday and everyone would be back to work, so were were celebrating early (good thing we did). I read EVERY card to her. That was New Years Day. I think she was surprised that so many people remembered her birthday.
January 2, she slept most of the day, but when Nick and Mere stopped in with Drew, she sat right up, took Drew on her lap and she was SO happy. When Nick and Mere left that night, he said "see you in the morning Fort". She said "I love you Nick".
I think that might have been the first time she ever said that to her brother. It was the last thing she said to HIM anyway.
At 5:18 a.m. Saturday, January 3, 2009, she left us. To be with J.P. I'm sure.

THAT is the video that continually plays in my brain from Thanksgiving until now.
You can't possibly stay busy 24 hours a day, and even a MINUTE of idle time brings the memories flooding back. So, I sit back, enjoy the show, and let the tears flow.

And after three years, what I can do and can't do (I wrote about this after ONE year-when I couldn't do much at all)...has changed a little. I do a lot more than I did that first, even second year. But I still don't make phone calls (thank goodness for texting), not big on socializing (unless it's a breast cancer fundraiser) and enjoy a simpler life. And, OH, one thing that gets me through every winter...FAIRMONT girls basketball games. It is the ONE thing she really wanted to do when she was home from Hospice that she didn't get a chance to do, so we literally go to every girls game, home and away. For Melissa. In fact, for her birthday, we're going to the girls game at Centerville. When Melissa played for Fairmont, when they played Centerville at home, she had the WINNING basket AT THE BUZZER. I KNOW she'll be at this game too - it should be a good one. That's about all I really want to do this week. It's her birthday present. (and it's good for ME too - if you knew Melissa, she liked to buy gifts for US that benefited HER too-like the monitor she bought us at Christmas because she didn't like OUR monitor!)

Fast forward 3 years. Our life is not the same. It never will be. But we enjoy the NEW memories (hopefully some of them will be etched in my brain!) with our grandsons. Christmas was good with them. And New Years? Looks like we'll be the babysitters for a few years to come, which is fine with us.

Had to include a couple of pictures because Melissa ALWAYS posted pictures...trying to follow in her footsteps the best I can....
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I came home from shopping a couple of days before Christmas to find
a package at my front door. The return address was Nick Fillo. Melissa's
boyfriend at OU her junior year. He found this frame that she had made for
him for his birthday and thought we would like to have it. (He had it packed
away). One of the many things she made for friends over the years...What a pleasant surprise this was for us. (ANOTHER pleasant Christmas "surprise"...John gave me the quilt that his mom made for Melissa with all of her t-shirts. It's pretty much her life on a quilt from preschool through college. Thanks John. She wore every tshirt on this quilt, so I love to wrap myself up in it...)

This was my Christmas gift from my sister Sue. Just like Melissa (or Melissa was just like her)she makes gifts for Christmas. This is one I'll cherish forever.

it reads:

I'd like the memory of me to be a happy one.
I'd like to leave an afterglow of smiles
when life is done.
I'd like to leave an echo whispering
softly down the ways,
Of happy times and laughing times
and bright and sunny days.
I'd like the tears of those who grieve to dry before
the sun.
And think of happy memories that I leave
when life is done.
~Helen Lowrie Marshall

I'm pretty sure Melissa would feel this way. (I'm trying Melissa!)

I'll be back on Thursday, her 34th birthday.

...CHRISTMAS...

2011-12-22T07:12:00.001-08:00

OK folks...this is the best I can do this year...and this was a hard one (Santa made it easy to smile - thanks Santa...) Our first "new" family picture. Just doesn't seem right. We got Melissa in the picture (Mere's FORT shirt)...the picture is nice, but just doesn't seem right...
Anyway, I did a lot more this year than last - actually baked cookies, bought a few more presents. Still can't put up the "big" tree. Can't even look at the ornaments. Can't put out the stockings (bought new ones). I want to. Maybe next year.

From our family to yours - may you have a happy Christmas, a HEALTHY New Year, and always remember to take LOTS of pictures.

Took LOTS of pictures when Santa visited our house, but this is the ONLY picture that FORT showed up in (notice the orbs? There's actually a big one and a little one - JP was there too!) She either sets off the puzzle, or shows up in pictures - occasionally.

You can see how HAPPY Drew is...and you can probably tell that Max was just a little hesitant to sit on Santa's lap....HOWEVER when Santa walked into the house, it looked like Max had SPRINGS on his feet - he was jumping up and down - it was hard to get him to stop he was so excited!

While this is a nice picture of our nephew (Donny's sister Jan's son) Ryan, this picture is more about the picture BEHIND us on the wall. Ryan is a Graphics Art major at SE Louisana State (I hope I got that right)...one of his assignments was to take a picture of something that meant a lot to him, then draw it in black and white.
He wears his FORT bracelet all the time, and THAT is what he chose to draw. So he had a picture taken of him holding the bracelet. (he got an "A" of course) - he didn't add the pink to the bracelet until after he got it back...then Santa gave it to me after Drew and Max got their presents! I'm guessing this will be my FAVORITE present this year... THANKS RYAN! Love you!

We have Nick, Mere, Drew and Max staying with us this week (her brother is in town and staying with her mom, so we are THRILLED to have them here when the boys are SO excited about Christmas...GOOD for us too.

The visit from Santa was exciting - that's all they've talked about. I forgot how much we use the "Santa is watching" around Christmas time when they are all wound up. While they are so excited about Christmas and we talk a lot about Santa (AND Baby Jesus' birthday!)...we also talk a lot about Melissa.
Max came into our bedroom the other morning and said "Pamma. Call Aunt Fort".
So we picked up the phone and called her. He picked up the received and said "I love you Aunt Fort". He's 2. I love that Max knows her.

Another cute story - Drew LOVES to hear Pamma's stories. He sat on my lap the other day and said "Pamma - tell me the alligator story" (the one were I saw the alligators on vacation this summer)...when I started telling the story, Max crawled up on my lap and was listening, and he said something about Aunt Fort and the alligator. I told him that "Aunt Fort could sit on the alligator's BACK if she wanted to because she's an angel". He looked at me kind of funny and said "NO PAMMA.
Aunt Fort not a angel." And I looked at him and said "Well, what is she Max?"
His reply? "A butterfly!"

I love it.

*************

On our last day before break, my Moraine Meadows family gathered at Bufflo Wild Wings...hard to believe it's been two years since we left MM. I miss them all so much, and it is ALWAYS good to see everyone (including Mike, Jackie's husband and her daughter Beth who just happens to be in town!)

My friend Dawn (from school)got a call from her sister, who invited her AND a friend to dinner at Flemings at the Greene. Not only did we enjoy a delicious filet mignon dinner...we were encouraged to try the dessert too. THANKS DAWN (and sister Tracy!)

For our Compassionate Friends meeting in December, there was a Memorial Service at a church in Tipp City. 64 Children were remembered...just hard to fathom...it was very nice, and afterward there was a potluck dinner - my students from Greenmont made the BEAUTIFUL butterfly placemats (I'm not the only one who LOVES the butterflies!) THANKS GREENMONT STUDENTS!

...Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night...

p.s. next post will be the week of Jan 2...3 years AND Melissa's birthday.

Catching up....

2011-12-05T16:33:00.000-08:00

I didn't realize how busy the last month has been...until I finally downloaded
the pictures from the last couple of weeks.
December is pretty busy too. I guess busy is good. Going to as many Fairmont girls basketball games as we can (Melissa LOVED Fairmont girls basketball. When she was home from Hospice, about this time THREE years ago, the one thing she wanted to do was to go to a game. Never got to because she had visitors that day for about an hour and she slept the rest of the day. But it was the ONE things she really wanted to do. So WE go. It is TRULY what gets me through the winter.

And ALWAYS excitement from Nick and Mere's....Nick just called. He wanted me to know that he just pulled a LEGO out of Drew's nose. Like father like son...Nick recalls the time when we had to pull a DIME out of his nose. (And we had to pull a peanut out of my brother Steve's nose when HE was about that age.) What is it with boys and their noses? Just curiosity maybe? Experimenting? Who knows. Just glad Nick was able to take care of it. Hopefully he won't try it again!

Mia Marie. She came to visit with her mom, Stacy. I know Fort was here...Stacy was telling a story about Fort and the puzzle went off. No surprise. She was just letting us know that SHE thinks she's adorable too!

Funny story from school....the day after Mia's visit, Kindergarten came to the library. There is a little girl in the class whose name is ALSO Mia. When she came up to check out her book, just out of curiosity, I asker her what her middle name was. She is as cute as can be, chubby, long hair, glasses. She looked at me, without ANY hesitation said "MIA GRACE MONKEYFACE"...and walked away.

I need to write ANOTHER book.

Drew & Max checking out the "Crib" (as my dad called it). My grandpa built one, then my dad built one, and WE have it for now. I remember laying in front of it when I was their age, and Melissa and Nick laid in front of it at mom and dad's...and someday, Drew and Max's kids will enjoy it too!

Two tired little boys...we wore them out on a Christmas lights tour of Kettering.
If you haven't been through Lincoln Park, you need to go. It's beautiful. (Remember Fort in the Rugby Calendar...next to the Harley? That was in Lincoln Park).
Donny told the boys that "Pamma and PopPop put up all these lights"...and they believe him....OH what a tangled web we weave.....

Me with Illustrators Jeannette & Christopher Canyon at school. He was a
visiting Illustrator at Moraine Meadows about 10 years ago - amazing.
He illustrated the book GRANDMA'S FEATHER BED (John Denver) along with a few others by John Denver. If you haven't seen them, check them out,
they are beatiful.
For me, authors and illustrators are like MOVIE STARS. I have LOTS of
pictures with different authors. Melissa tried to "one up" me...Sue Grafton
was a client that booked a train trip... Melissa actually had her cell phone #and had to call her once (in California) and woke her up. Melissa forgot
about the time change. She (Sue Grafton) was a good sport about it though....

Celebrating my sister Donna's birthday (Donna, Pam, Sue)

On our way in to the Football Banquet, we saw two of these BEAUTIFUL hawks!

Firebird Football Coaches...can you find Coach Fort?

Coach Fort & Coach Rock (FORT would LOVE this!)

In Memory of Jackie....her tree and book are ready! Right next to Fort's bench!

And speaking of Memorials....the Compassionate Friends Christmas Memorial is Sunday.

The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting unites families and friends around the globe in lighting candles for one hour to honor and remember children who have died at any age from any cause. As candles are lit at 7p.m. local time, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honor children in a way that transcends all ethnic, cultural, religious, and political boundaries. TCF has chapters all over the world. As candles burn down in one time zone, they will be lit in the next so that candles will be burning in memory of our children throughout the entire 24 hours on December 11th.

......That Their Light May Always Shine....Please light a candle Sunday, December 11 @ 7 p.m.

I'll be lighting mine for my beautiful daughter Melissa.

Thank you!

Holidays...

2011-11-24T05:46:00.000-08:00

As some of you have probably noticed, I have been laying low for the last month or so. After Halloween, for most people, it's a time to start preparing for the Holidays. Used to be for ME too. In fact, I was preparing for the Holidays in September.

I don't look at the holidays the way I used to. I told Donny yesterday when we were walking...just a few short years ago, by Thanksgiving, I had already made my lists for the holidays - the LONG list of who I needed to buy gifts for, cookies I would bake, who would be coming over for the holidays, and how much $$ would come out of each pay to pay for all of it!

Now, there is no list...nothing on my calendar (there ARE dates on the calendar, but things that I can't do...)
Something about the change in the weather, the fact that Melissa LOVED this time of year, and the fact that she went into the hospital the Monday before Thanksgiving. It was the beginning of the end.

I try not to think about it too much, but your senses take over - things I see, hear, smell...ALL bring back vivid memories of our last holidays with Melissa. You would THINK that after three years things would get easier. But it doesn't. We went out with some good friends from our Compassionate Friends group the other night, and we all agreed. You don't miss them LESS as each day passes. You miss them MORE.

Today is Thanksgiving. Our routine for Thanksgiving always began on Thanksgiving "eve"... I had the day off and would bake 4 pies - 2 lemon, 2 pecan before Melissa and John would come up drop their things off and head out to Harrigans to meet Nick and other friends of Melissa & Nick's who were in town for the holiday. I would lay awake worrying until they got home, which would be after Harrigan's closed, so I didn't get much sleep. Then up early to put the turkey in the oven and start preparing for our Thanksgiving dinner. It was hectic, chaotic sometimes...but I had my family home and we laughed (and argued of course)and I loved every minute of it.

Now, I guess you could call it "peaceful". Not so sure I like "peaceful".
We got up, I went to get coffee for me & Donny, and read the paper. No laughter.
No aroma of turkey filling the house. Pretty quiet. TOO quiet.

We couldn't decide if we were going out to eat, or if we should have something here - ultimately decided to stay home and buy a dinner from a restaurant because otherwise my sister would be home alone and our good friend Mary would be home alone.
So they are coming over, Nick & Max are coming over (Mere is going to her mom's family in Cincy with Drew).

Sometimes I wonder WHAT I have to be thankful for. I don't have my daughter, I miss her EVERY single day, and it consumes me. But when I woke up this morning, my first thought AFTER thinking of her, was "I am so thankful that there are restaurants open on Thanksgiving for people like us...who don't have the energy or desire to prepare a feast"....then I thought of a lot of other things I am thankful for -

Donny. He is here for me every day and of course truly understands because he misses her as much as I do. We need each other. I am thankful for that.

Nick. Ever hear the saying "A son is a son til he takes a wife. A daughter's a daughter all of her life"? I am blessed that is NOT Nick. He is here for me and understanding whenever I need him...

Mere. I couldn't ask for a better daughter in law. I would have picked her for Nick if HE hadn't picked her!

Drew. He is so smart and I love his hugs and kisses and I love when he says "Pamma, Pamma, Pamma..." until I look at him.

Max. He makes me smile. He makes me laugh. He hugs your legs at random times - and is getting cuddlier and cuddlier (especially when DREW is stting on my lap!)

My sister Sue. She is more than making up for the times I listened to her. Her life isn't so great, but she is always there to listen when I need her.

Angie. Melissa's best friend from high school, who calls just to check in if she hasn't heard from me in awhile...she knows. And she listens, and she tells more stories about Melissa than anyone else, and I love her for that. And the fact that she's a lot like Melissa too.

Friends. I am thankful for old friends who continue to call and invite me to do things, even though I continue to decline. I am thankful for NEW friends, who are where WE are and who we can talk with about OUR kids, all the time if we want. And cry together too. And reminisce. As much as we want too. This may sound strange, but there we have WAY too many friends who are where we are. And new friends at work who come in and visit me because I NEVER leave my room. (Wish they could have known the SOCIAL Pam. She was kind of fun.)

Fort's Friends. I LOVE running into Melissa's friends. Hearing MORE stories about her. Hearing NEW stories about her. Just talking about her. I am thankful for her Rugby friends who continue her legacy with the Fundraiser every October. They make me laugh and they REMIND me of her. We love you guys.

Family. Who understand that I am not the same person, and I might not be able to attend a family function but love me anyway.

I am thankful for two of my best friends Jackie and Ruth, who both passed away in 2011. Their families are celebrating (?) their first holidays without them. My heart aches for them - I hope that their memories will get them through the next few weeks...

And of course, I am SO thankful that I had the MOST BEAUTIFUL, SMART, LOVING, CARING, FUNNY daughter that ever lived. I have only precious memories that will have to carry me through the rest of my life, until I see her again.

On this Thanksgiving, be thankful if you are celebrating with ALL of your loved ones. Have fun, LAUGH, and take lots of pictures. And enjoy the day.

(And, just a note, although this may have been a little depressing for some of you, I hope to have a more cheerful post this week. Melissa's best friend from OU, Stacy, is coming to visit with Mia Marie (Melissa's namesake!)so I'll be taking LOTS of pictures.)

Happy Thanksgiving.

Happy Halloween!

2011-10-31T17:11:00.001-07:00

I think Halloween was one of Melissa's favorite holidays. Didn't always have the costume she wanted, but she had fun. Loved trick or treating...
One of our favorite memories (mine and hers) - I think it was the year she dressed up as a clown (picture below)...the neighbor girls were a few years older and had a mom who was REALLY good at putting on makeup. They dressed up as PRETTY cheerleaders (with BEAUTIFUL makeup)...somewhere we have a picture of the three of them, the two cheerleaders smiling and a very unhappy clown. I KNOW she laughed about that years later. (Interesting side note...one of the other girls - one of the cheerleaders, now has breast cancer...diagnosed in her early 30s)

Not one of her FAVORITE costumes. Saddest clown I've ever seen. I'm pretty
sure we've laughed about THIS picture...

OU Halloween...looks like she's having fun here...

****************************************************************
Fast forward about 10 years...FORT would have LOVED this. We have a picture of her (probably posted on this blog somewhere - Oct 2008 - of her and Drew on his FIRST Halloween)...good memories, but I miss her SO much. Holidays are hard...

Picked up the kids from the sitter,fed them (BEFORE all the sugar), then Mere got here to get them ready to go. First "real" trick or treat experience for both of them...didn't take them long to figure it out!

A little girl came up to the door and said "Is that Drew?" Andrew said "I'm not Drew...I'm a STORM TROOPER"

Ok Pamma...get the picture...we are READY to go trick or treating!

All sugared up and ready to go home!

Hope you had a happy, sugar filled Halloween. We did.

Get the toothbrushes out.....

WE DID IT!

2011-10-25T12:25:00.000-07:00

2900 walkers, 6.5 Million dollars raised....(JUST IN ATLANTA!!!!!)
and HOPEFULLY a cure to be found for Breast Cancer in MY lifetime...
It was ANOTHER incredible 3 Day experience.

Some of the MEMORABLE MOMENTS in those three days...(in no specific order)...

~Crossing the finish line after 60 miles (of mostly hills!)

~ Crossing the finish line with our ENTIRE team...even though we weren't walking together much during the 3 days (everyone pretty much had a partner - same stride/same pace...)

~Sleeping w/ Angie (we had our own beds...) :o)

~Spending three days with good friends of Melissa's...Ang-best friend from high school, Annie, Roommate from OU, and Julie, walked with me Melissa and her sister Shannon (rugby friend of Forts from OU too!) in 2007.

~Walking with one of my best friends from high school-for the SECOND time (Sharon)

~Emily-one of our teammates, a YaYa AND high school friend of mine! - walking after a stress fracture on her foot a couple of months ago AND a double MASTECTOMY a couple of months ago WAY TO GO EMILY!!!!

~Teammate Tina - continuing to walk even though she had HUGE blisters on BOTH heels and some other weird things going on with her feet...WAY TO GO TINA!!!

~Having an AWESOME Team Sign - thanks to teammate Mindy...THANKS Mindy!

~Getting mail....LOTS of mail! From friends, family, one of my teachers at school and ALL of her kindergartners, Forts' friends (with pictures of Fort from friend Stacy...THAT was emotional...pictures with expressions I had forgotten...)
THANK YOU SO MUCH. They got me through DAY 2 AND Day 3!!!!

~Meeting a CREW member who went to OU (on the last day in Turner Field. When I did the walk with Melissa, she made up a Scavenger Hunt, and one of the things we were looking for was an OU Alumni! I found one again Fort!)

~BUTTERFLIES! - at the finish line on DAY 2, Finish Line on DAY 3 and behind the stage before Closing Ceremony

~Friends there to support you (from DAYTON!!!) Cheryl(Angie's mom)and her friend Terry, Ralph, Karyn & Kylie (Sharon's family)and Larry & Deb (my friends from Dayton)
THANKS for being there!!!!

~Got busted on my cell phone (whoops...major no no) Didn't do it a second time...

~Wheelchairs - at least two of them. Being pushed for 60 miles. Occasionally people who were cheering us on would volunteer to push up a hill...incredible

~People walking in boots (not winter...stress fracture boots)

~Pregnant- VERY pregnant women - WALKING

~Beautiful scenery

~GREAT food

~Beer stop - DAY 3

~Blisters

~lost toenail

~Tent City

~NEW friends

~OLD friends

~Waiting in line for the shower with only 2 people ahead of me!

~450 CREW MEMBERS keeping us going, feeding us, generally keeping us HAPPY~!

~Atlanta Police Dept....keeping us safe!

~SOUTHERN Hospitality at it's BEST...fresh bread and FREE coffee (THANKS 3 DAY Coffee Kids!), LOTS of candy, gum, cheering - mostly Atlanta residents (I'm guessing!)

~GREAT BUTTONS.... LIMPING is STILL WALKING
I Thought you said 3 Miles in 60 Days
Cancer can Kiss my TIRED ASS

~Inspiring signs - Pain is weakness leaving your body

~ Keeping up with a 29 year old for 60 miles (YEP...that was ME. The 29 year old was Julie~ Thanks for being my walking partner for 3 days Julie~!

****************
I compare this walk to giving birth. There is definitely PAIN, but you forget the pain after you cross the finish line. I heard some very young girls saying "ONE and DONE...I'm going to be driving a car next year, beeping the horn and cheering y'all on"...
Yeah. That's what I said after 2007. It's just something that you can't do just once. For me, every two years.

Looking forward to 2013 ALREADY....
******************

OLD FRIENDS...

Getting ready to leave lunch on Day 2, this guy comes up to me and says "I met you two years ago - LOOK! I still have my FORT bracelet! I wear it all the time!" He also had her card in his lanyard (with her picture showing!!!!)...I am SO glad you stopped me...THANKS CHRIS!!!

I'm walking behind this person who has a FORT button on her backpack. Got close enough to take a picture, then I tapped her on the shoulder and asked "Did I give you that FORT button?" She turned around and looked at me and said "YES. Two years ago!!!!"

Elizabeth, Pam, Erin

I was standing in a pit stop when I heard "Pam?"...it was two of my tent city neighbors from 2009!!!! Becky & Bobbie...still wearing their FORT bracelets!!!!
Thanks for stopping me...it was GREAT to see you!

OUR 3 DAY JOURNEY begins....THURSDAY, October 20

TEAM B POSITIVE arrives in Atlanta. Only 3 on our team have walked this before (Pam, Sharon & Julie)...the rest have NO IDEA what they have gotten into...Thanks John & Wendy for transporting us from the airport to the hotel...and THANKS for being patient with us (none of us were very familiar with the Atlanta airport. We walked from our gate to the baggage area...about a mile. We decided that this was part of our training...NOT stupidity...)

Tina,Sharon, Annie, Angie, Terri, Mindy, Emily & Pam (Julie met us at the Opening Ceremony)

DAY 1

Getting ready for Opening Ceremony...remembering MY BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER...

Right after Opening Ceremony, ready to get started on our journey...what a great way to start - in front of STONE MOUNTAIN!!!!

Troops joining us in the Opening Ceremonies AND the walk around STONE MOUNTAIN...
ALL with FORT bracelets AND cards!

Annie, Ang...and Fort? (trying to get Annie to say something???)

Rules for pit stops...HYDRATE, URINATE, STRETCH, STRETCH, STRETCH!

THESE shoes, on THOSE feet, will walk 540 miles in 3 days...AMAZING.

YAY!!!! We finished the first 20!!!!

Stopping in the Remembrance Tent to see Fort after finishing the first day...

Inside the Remembrance Tent. I stopped by every morning to see her, and every night to kiss her goodnight...

Everyone decorated their tents (this was a necessity so you could FIND your tent!)...Ang came up with our theme...our tent was The FORTress. We put about 10 pictures of Melissa on our tent. PERFECT. We woke up in the mornings to her smiling face (or sticking out her tongue at us!). I loved it.

3 DAY "Mall" (included shopping, a post office, lounge and foot massages!)

DAY 2

After getting through DAY 1 with no problems,we were excited to get started on DAY 2.
Got up around 6:30, to breakfast around 7 and in line with 2900 others to get out the door. ANOTHER beautiful day....

If you have to sit down and take a break (or a rock out of your shoe), it might as well be at a scenic location so you can get a picture...

...and DANCING? after walking 10 miles????? Are you KIDDING me??? No. And yes, that is a guy (walker) out there dancing. I saw maybe 20-25 guys walking. And yes, that is OUR Julie out there dancing too (in the orange)...she was the youngest in our group, so she HAD to.

'nuf said....

I'm not sure how safe this was...but we HAD to have a place to charge our STUFF. You wouldn't want 2900 unhappy women on your hands...

Ni Night...
Julie & Annie...sleeping...or TRYING to sleep. Lights didn't go out until 9, and this night, they had a DANCE PARTY in the DINING room. Not for us.

Getting ready for bed (I am IN bed!)

I asked for some motivating mail...WOW!~ did I get some!!!!! THANKS!!!!!

DAY 3
Last day fun at breakfast...Ang, Pam, Julie (I LOVE that Melissa is in the picture with us too!)

Taking a well deserved beer break on DAY 3. Julie is from Atlanta, so she knew a great place on the route - nice patio here too. NEIGHBORS. Check out the orb over Julie...did Fort decide to join us for a beer?

CHEERS TO FORT!

Annie & Julie having a Buttery Nipple in honor of FORT (her favorite shot)...how appropriate...

CLOSING CEREMONIES

Didn't get many pictures here. My camera battery died about 3 miles before the finish line :o( Passed FORT STREET about 2 miles before the finish - I missed it somehow, but Ang & Annie got a picture...she was with us at the end!

MONDAY
Last day in Atlanta...Julie ended up getting the day off, so she took us to lunch (a great place in Midtown - Joe's on Juniper. Great service - great food, great atmosphere. Nice patio too on a BEAUTIFUL last day. My new favorite appetizer - sweet potato tater tots with marshmallow dip...wonder where you can get THAT in Dayton? THANKS JULIE!

So there you go. That wasn't so painful, was it????
Are YOU thinking about going in 2013?
I hope so.
It is an experience of a lifetime.
I hope you think about it...

ATLANTA ~ 2011

2011-10-20T03:31:00.000-07:00

3 Day for the Cure...3 days...60 miles...

If you are reading Melissa's blog for the first time, you are probably from Atlanta...or you walked in Atlanta, OR you cheered us on in Atlanta.

I am Melissa's mom, and have been updating her blog for the last 2 1/2 years.
Her last post was Christmas 2008, about a week before she passed away.
She (and her husband) lived in Cincinnati, I live in Dayton.

Why the Atlanta walk? In 2007 (Just a year before she passed away) She had a friend from college who was doing the walk in Atlanta with her sister (Julie, who happens to be on our team this year). She wanted Melissa to do it too. So Melissa, in her 4th year of fighting breast cancer, decided to do it with them.

It was not a difficult decision for her, since she was fighting this terrible
disease and was hoping to beat it once and for all. This was a good way to
support the cause. Her attitude was B POSITIVE (it's not just my blood type).
She was a rugby player. A competitor. And she was NOT going to lose this battle.

She could not afford to fly to Atlanta (pretty overwhelmed with medical bills at the time), so I offered to drive her to Atlanta, stay in a hotel, cheer her on, and
bring her home.

A week before the walk, the Cincinnati Kelts Rugby Club held a Breast Cancer Fundraiser, with proceeds going to Susan G. Komen. She called me the Monday before the walk..."MOM! The rugby team raised enough money...you can do the walk WITH me!"
My response? "Melissa...I can't walk 60 miles this weekend!!!!"
"Mom. I'm on chemo. If I can do it, you can do it."
So we did.
It was the most INCREDIBLE weekend of my life.
The following Christmas, she gave me a scrapbook that she made of our walk. (You can see those pictures if you scroll down this page, there is a link on the right).

In 2009, I did the walk in Atlanta AGAIN, this time WITHOUT her. I was honored to carry the flag "MY DAUGHTER" in the opening and closing ceremonies.

And now, in 2011, I am doing the walk again, this time with a team of nine. We are TEAM B POSITIVE.

You probably recieved a card from one of us...a couple of us were wearing FORT shirts. (Melissa got the nickname FORT~from her last name~ from her best friend in high school, who happens to be walking this year and is my tentmate). It stuck.
I don't think many people she went to college with even KNEW her first name was Melissa.

I will be honored AGAIN to carry the flag, MY DAUGHTER, in the opening and closing ceremonies.

My updates for the last couple of years are about Melissa. But you want to read
HER writing. To read from the beginning, go to www.fortscancersux1.blogspot.com.
She was diagnosed in 2003. She started the blog when she had her first reoccurence and was back on chemo. She had mouth sores and didn't want to talk on the phone (or talk much period), so she started the blog to keep her friends and family updated.

It is the story of HER journey. She will make you laugh a lot. SHe was a fantastic writer...and I am SO glad she left her story.

To read her most recent (last) posts, scroll down this page to the archives. Anything before 2009 was posted by Fort. She was amazing.

I hope you are encouraged by her journey. I was. And I will not give up this fight until there is a cure.

Thank you for reading, and thank you for cheering us on and supporting us in our 3 day, 60 mile journey!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY J.P.!

2011-10-19T17:15:00.000-07:00

Hard to believe it was EIGHT years ago today that our first grandson was born. John Patrick ~ J.P.
He was BEAUTIFUL. But early. Had NO idea at the time what Melissa and John were going through. How could we know? And now we do. Somehow, after losing her son,she continued on with HER fight. I don't know HOW she did it. And now she celebrates his birthday WITH him. Happy Birthday JP. We love you and miss you and will NEVER forget you. Love you Punkin' Pie...

Drew & Max and Pamma & PopPop sing Happy Birthday to JP...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~~*

Last weekend, Nick, Mere, & Drew were in Mere's brother's wedding. Drew was the Ring Bearer. I was a little afraid of how he would do, because he tends to get a little "shy" when he meets new people...but the promise of STAR WARS Legos was all he needed to walk down the aisle...kind of. The flower girl was adorable, VERY friendly, probably around 3 too. Not shy a BIT. At the rehearsal, after the second stroll down the aisle, it seemed as if Drew would be alright. (Except there weren't any people in the seats, other than the wedding party at the altar). SO. At the wedding,
Drew is in the back with the flower girl, entering right before the bride. (His mom and dad are already at the altar with the rest of the wedding party. Donny and I are NOT sitting on the aisle for fear that he will want to come over and sit with us.)
I WISH we would have sat on the aisle...he had his eyes SQUEEZED shut the entire walk down the aisle (except when he bumped into a pew)being DRAGGED by the flower girl. It was hilarious. And I didn't get a picture. But lots of people did, so when I get one, I'll post it.

Is this a FORT picture or WHAT? We have very few pictures of Melissa where she ISN'T sticking out her tongue or making a face in a picture. I love that Drew does it too...(sometimes I think she's whispering in his ear "STICK OUT YOUR TONGUE, DREW!"

Nick, Mere & Drew were in Mere's brother Jeff's (& Katie's) wedding...AGAIN at Holy Trinity. Nick, Mere & Melissa were all in her other brothers wedding (Brad) at Trinity too...our last COMPLETE family picture. August, 2008. Hard to believe...

This was actually at the SECOND wedding...in a cry room...and Drew is actually
HUGGING Max (although it LOOKS like Max is trying to eat Drew's flower)
I don't recommend TWO weddings in one day for a 2 year old and a 3 year old by the way...

Drew's gift for being in the wedding? STAR WARS Legos. He talked about it for WEEKS before the wedding (they told him they would be at the front pew when he walked up the aisle!)

PopPop to Drew..."Now I don't think I'll be able to put the whole thing together TONIGHT..."

Max getting some use out of Drew's rented shoes...

Blue Steel (Fort's FAVORITE Drew look)

Congratulations Brian & Megan (Fort's cousin)...wedding #2

Busy, busy weekend...and this one will be even busier.

ATLANTA HERE WE COME ...
TEAM B POSITIVE raised over $21,000 for the Susan G. Komen Foundation and will be
walking 60 miles (20 miles each day, Friday, Saturday & Sunday)!
Will post pics and stories next week.

Enjoy the fall....

8th Annual TRYING FOR a CURE

2011-10-09T08:41:00.000-07:00

WHY FORT LOVED RUGBY...AND the KELTS...in pictures ~

If you knew Fort, the pictures say it all (although I did put captions on them,
I really didn't have to!) This is why she LOVED rugby and the Kelts. Her second family for sure. And now, OURS.

In 2003, the year Melissa was diagnosed, the Cincinnati Kelts Club (men's AND women's teams!) decided to sponsor a fundraiser. I was online yesterday and found this article by Pauly from the FIRST fundraiser:

On September 27th, after the Men's game with Michiana (South Bend) and the Women's game with Louisville, we will be having our first raffle and fundraiser for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation.

This event is presented on behalf of Melissa ‘Fort’ Fortener, a member of the Cincy-Dayton Women’s Side Rugby Club and the Cincinnati Kelts Rugby Football Club who is currently ‘fighting the good fight’ against breast cancer.

We will be holding this in conjunction with the Rugby Prom (more info later). This will take place on the back deck of Hap's Irish Pub, located at 3510 Erie Avenue in Hyde Park, OH and the raffle and fundraiser will start at 9:00 PM that night, after the regular rugby social.

Raffle tickets should be available around the 10th of September and we will be selling these right up to the drawing. Winners will be announced at 10:00 PM. Current raffle prizes include a framed Guinness poster, various restaurant gift certificates, a selection of Irish whiskey, a 1 hour massage and other miscelleneous items. The full list will appear here once we begin to sell tickets. Cost of the tickets will be 1 for $5 or 3 for $10. You will not need to be present to win.

We are currently taking orders for and will sell a special event T-shirt. On the front will be the Kelts Crest and event information and on the back will be the new Irish proverb, "Ta na Daoine as Eire in a Ghra Leis an Cioch" which is Gaelic for, "The Irish love breasts". We are still in the process of finalizing color and cost of these but will post it here as soon as we are able.

On the night of the event, we will offer a "Bottomless Mug 'o Beer" from 9:00 PM until 11:00 PM. Cost will be $10 and includes an official Kelts logo mug or cup from one of our recent tours.

Also, all day and all night we will be selling tickets for a "Split the Pot" at $1 each or 6 for $5. We will draw a winner at 11:00 PM who will get half of all the money we collect. You will not need to be present to win this either.

We welcome you to come out to watch the rugby during the day and enjoy the show at the Rugby Prom afterwards. For the uninitiated, Rugby Prom is a party theme where the players dress up in their finest prom outfits. However, no one is allowed to clean up after the days games and must change into their outfits at the field or at the bar. This is especially interesting if it is a muddy day!!! The Rugby Prom King and Queen will be selected and announced prior to the raffle.

I will update this periodically with additional information and if you have any questions or comments, feel free to email me at pauly@kelts.com. I want to thank you in advance for your support of this fundraiser!!! Cheers!!

and just a note...he mentioned that it was the Rugby Prom? Fort & Johnny Mac were the Prom KING & QUEEN that year. We had SO much fun.

So, from 2003 to 2011, the Cincinnati Kelts have sponsored this fundraiser.
It has been a HUGE success. It was always in honor of Fort, now it is in her MEMORY.
And now, half of the proceeds go to the Susan G. Komen Foundation, and half to her scholarship fund.

It seemed to me to be the biggest crowd ever last night. It was amazing. The Kelts have raised over $30,000 in the last eight years for this cause.
Last year, they agreed to sponsor me in the Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk (which I am doing in two weeks!)...THANK YOU KELTS! For all you do for this cause that is so close to our hearts.

Some day, I hope in MY lifetime, a cure will be found or it will be a disease that can be treated ... (like diabetes!)

Enjoy the party (in pictures!).....
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Pauly - the FIRST person I try to find when we get to the FUNdraiser. He is the reason this continues. LOVE YOU PAULY & ELIZABETH and thanks for all your work on this!!!)

Pauly & Kat (Kat and her dad make, oh, probably a couple hundred pink ribbons to sell at the fundraiser - ALWAYS a big hit!!! Thanks Kat!)

Rugby friend (Kyra!)

Rugby Dads...Fort's dad and Kyra's dad

Having fun with Jen & Edie

Rugby Moms...Kyra's mom, Netti's mom, Fort's mom

Pauly, on the bar, begins his introduction by pointing out WHY we are here.

Lots of happy faces here...Pauly must have been exposing...whoops! I mean entertaining everyone!

I put LOTS of tickets in for this one...darn....

one happy winner...

and another....

checking tickets for winners...

One of Pauly's teammates on the Wolfhounds won the 50/50...Pauly made him work for his winnings....

Netti assisted Pauly in the emcee duties this year...she did a GREAT job!!!!

At the end of every rugby game, AND after all the tickets are drawn at this fundraiser, they do THREE CHEERS (at the fundraiser, it's THREE CHEERS for FORT!) HIP HIP HOORAY! HIP HIP HOORAY! HIP HIP HOORAY! it is LOUD and very emotional for us...but we LOVE this!!!!!!!!!!!

Donny and Hula (one of the $100 winners!)

Pam and Crazy Legs (Kelly)...she said "the first time Fort saw me play, she said "man, you have CRAZY LEGS"...and it STUCK!" She said some people don't even know her real name... um...like....FORT? (a lot of people didn't know HER name was Melissa either!)

Pam, Netti, Donny (THANKS Netti for all your work on this FUNdraiser!)

**********~**************~*************~***********~************~
HOMECOMING

Went to Donny's Homecoming at Wilmington College.
Interesting (however sad) connection we have to one of his fraternity brothers.
Curt (Mange)(who happens to be the head football coach/Athletic director at Portsmouth High School) and his wife Mary lost there 27 year old daughter to ovarian cancer last February. Courtney was first diagnosed with thyroid cancer when she was 14 and in high school. She went on to excel in THREE sports in high school and was the class Valedictorian. She went on to college, graduated, got a job, THEN was diagnosed with Ovarian cancer. Needless to say, her mom and I talked for a couple of hours and we found out our daughters had a LOT in common. And now, so do we.
Friends for life, I'm sure. Thanks Mary.
*** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Former Wilmington College football players (most from the class of 1971 who were honored at halftime of the Homecoming game). In this group - most are (or were)head football coaches/Athletic Directors at high schools in Ohio (some of the schools...Portsmouth, Indian Hills, Valley View, Avon Lake, Versailles, Uniota, Waynesville...just to name a few)
If Miami University is the cradle of coaches for COLLEGE coaches, Wilmington is the cradle of coaches for HIGH SCHOOL coaches! Oh...and there are THREE School Superintendents in this mix too! AND Fort knew most of these guys! (at least she met them when we took them to Wilmington football games when they were little!)

Donny with a couple of his football buddies (and fraternity brothers) from Wilmington...and yes that's the Quaker mascot!

*********************************************************************************
VOLLEY FOR THE CURE ~ Fairmont High School
Ang & I arrived at the Volley for the Cure to find a table set up and some great posters for Fort. Great crowd (although Fairmont lost the match) and very supportive of our cause - we raised about $150 in random donations for our 3day walk!
The speaker at this event was ANOTHER Fairmont student who was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 21. GET YOUR MAMMOGRAMS. (if you have a history of breast cancer in your family - REQUEST a mammogram before the age of 40. Better safe than sorry!

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Here's to YOU Jackie....

I couldn't wait...just a little sneak peak at the memorial for Jackie's tree (which sits behind Fort's bench at Fairmont High School) ~ it should be set in the next week or so...

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just a note on the fundraiser...

When we first arrived at the fundraiser, I went to talk to Pauly. He directed me to
Elizabeth and new baby Luke (adorable, by the way!), who was sitting with a HAP'S friend of Melissa's. Her name is Marianne. She and Melissa became friends when they realized they shared a common bond...they both had breast cancer. I know Marianne was very helpful to Melissa, encouraging her to join her friends at Haps - a very supportive group....was she RIGHT!
Recently Marianne lost her daughter in law to a rare form of cancer. We talked for quite awhile. We shared stories of Melissa and her daughter in law Jen. We both cried...but it was good for both of us, I KNOW.
The really nice thing about the fundraiser? As difficult as this time of year is,
I love to go, and will NEVER miss this because they all continue to remember and talk about Melissa. It is almost like she is there...just no booming voice or the sound of her laughter. So while there is definitely something missing, her laughter resounds in the laughter of her friends. It makes me laugh AND cry. We miss her EVERY SINGLE day, but are thankful for her wonderful friends who remember her to us on a regular basis.

THANK YOU FORT FRIENDS for loving her and remembering her.
Enjoy this beautiful fall weather...she did!

3 Day UPDATE

2011-09-25T13:53:00.000-07:00

Got an email this week from Susan G. Komen...inviting me to be a flag bearer (AGAIN!) in the Opening and Closing ceremonies. I get to carry the flag that says
MY DAUGHTER. I am HONORED. The really AWESOME part of this? The Opening ceremonies are at Stone Mountain. That was one of Melissa's favorite vacations growing up. We stopped there on the way home from spring break one year. Donny's cousin John and his wife took us there. She LOVED climbing that mountain. Can you tell?

**** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
TEAM B POSITIVE holds ANOTHER successful fundraiser!
Raised close to $1800 at this event...we are ALMOST there!

COMING SOON.............the EIGHTH ANNUAL "TRYING FOR A CURE"...Cincinnati Kelts Men's Rugby Club has been sponsoring this event in Fort's honor since the year she was diagnosed, 2003. October 8 @ HAPS in Cincinnati. If you are interested in purchasing raffle tickets ($5/ea or 3/$10 - give me call or send me an email. First prize $300. Second prize $200 Third prizes (3) $100
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Fairmont is holding the VOLLEY for the CURE this Tuesday, September 27. We were invited to set up a table. We will have BREAST CANCER information (thanks to Sharon Kershner), and accepting donations for our 3 Day Walk AND Kelts raffle tickets.
THANKS FAIRMONT!

Fort's JV Volleyball team honored her at Finneytowns FIRST Volley for the Cure in 2007.
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In honor of my friend Jackie, who passed away last March, I had a tree planted behind Melissa's bench at Fairmont (since Moraine Meadows closed, I thought Fairmont would be a good place since Jackie's students will be passing through Fairmont for the next 10 years!) The placque for under the tree will be ready in 6 to 8 weeks...it is beautiful. Will post a picture when it's in! Love you Jackie!

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Max & Drew in their Fairmont digs (Drew has his "FIREBIRDS for Fort" shirt on! I love it!

Two Drew's (Drew B...one of my former student from Moraine Meadows...he was THE cutest little boy...when Nick and Mere decided on Andrew for a name - I KNEW I would call him Drew!)

I can't think of a better way of ending this post than to share some "old" photos of Fort...she would love it, I'm sure!

WHEW! Exhausted after eating that apple!!!

BIG shoes to fill...(what is it about babies and their dad's (or grandma's) shoes? Just today Max was wearing MY shoes - trying to walk around with them on!)

BUSTED! (she snuck into the cabinet to get some cookies....I ALWAYS had a camera ready!)

Sorry for the long post...Donny tells me I should post more often (I used to tell Melssa the SAME thing)...but just like FORT, I have to be motivated AND have the energy. That happened to be today.

Don't forget (HOW COULD YOU)...OCTOBER is BREAST CANCER AWARENESS MONTH.
GET YOUR MAMMOGRAM (or schedule it anyway!)

Enjoy the fall!

Ten years ago today...

2011-09-11T18:41:00.000-07:00

I had a group of students in orientation for Literacy Lab when the phone rang in the library at Moraine Meadows. It was Melissa. "MOM. Turn on your tv. A plane just hit the World Trade Center!" That was how I first found out about the events of that day...my students were second graders, so I didn't leave it on but for a couple of minutes. I took them back to their classroom, and went to the office to tell them. We were told to leave the tv's off and not talk about it. Parents came to school to pick up their kids and take them home...Nick called and said "WHAT IN THE HELL IS GOING ON???" He was at Akron at the time - the Saturday before Akron had played Ohio State. I remember going home and looking up and how odd it seemed that there were no planes in the sky. For several days.
When Melissa came home from work that night, we went to St. Mary's (church) on Xenia Avenue. They had a service that night - there were a lot of people there...like, there was nothing you could do but pray.

Ten years ago...she was HERE.
It's all STILL so unbelievable.

It amazes me how we can go through such traumatic events in our lives and
go on. 9-11...Cancer...but somehow we do. One day at a time....
and with the help of friends, family and for me - my grandsons...and memories
of better times - like the HOLIDAY at HOME Labor Day celebration every year...
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Another event Fort LOVED...the Holiday at Home parade. Her last one was 3 years ago...she posted all about it - even posted information about the Clydesdales - they were in the parade that year. She loved the craft show at Lincoln Park after the parade too...another holiday...not the same without her. But we go because SHE loved it...now the boys love it too!

Nick, Mere and the boys at the parade

Pam-ma with Drew & Max...having fun at the parade!

Saw two of my former students (from Moraine Meadows) in the parade...and yes...they are GIRLS...playing football! I love it!

Drew's first friend...

Drew gettin' a feel for driving a firetruck...

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These are some our friends from Compassionate Friends. The 5K was in honor of Cameron, the son of Chad & Tonya. He was having a routine surgery and there were complications and he died in surgery. He was only 18. The proceeds of the 5K go to A Special Wish Foundation. BEAUTIFUL day, great friends...

Sharon & Pam (training in a 5K for the BIG walk in October!)

* * * * * * * * * ** ** ** ** ** ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** * ** *
Funny story...(Fort would post this, she LOVED stories like this about her dad...)
We've had a pretty large branch hanging by a thread from our tree in the front yard -
ever since the wind storm back in August. It's probably 10-15 long, hanging right in front of the bay window. Leaves are dead and it looks terrible - so he decided the other day to try to get it down. He had this rope with a heavy metal hook tied to one end...kept throwing it up into the tree to try to wrap the rope around the branch to pull it down. He must have done it 3 or 4 times with no success. (I was in the house all this time). On the last try - he heard a cracking sound, looked over, and the window on the driver side of his car was shattered. He came in the house and said "come here....I don't know WHAT happened, but my car window just broke." He finally figured out that there was a bolt tied to the same rope he was throwing up in the tree, and somehow the bolt came unattached and went flying...right into his car window.
So the next day, Nick stops by with the kids. I am telling Nick the story (and finally seeing the humor in it)and we are both laughing about it. We get in the house, and Drew says "tell me a story Pam-ma" (He loves stories...anything I make up..usually about firetrucks, firemen, dumptrucks) So I ask him, "what story do you want to hear?" His answer? "The one about pop-pop and the tree!"
(It's not the first time Donny has broken something that he WASN'T working on. One time, he was fixing the sink in the kitchen and broke the water softener in the basement.) Fortunately for me, he doesn't know how to post on this blog...otherwise you would probably here some stories about the many stupid things I've done in the past. I'm sure if you read anything Fort wrote - you'd find some of my faux pas there...you should go back and read HER writing anyway...she ALWAYS had something funny to write about!
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Coming up soon...
Saturday, September 17 - 6 p.m.- TEAM B POSITIVE Fundraiser...Tailgate party for the Ohio State Game at Talegator's on Far Hills in Kettering.
Door prizes, 50/50, baskets to bid on, $10 buffet (through halftime), $2 beers!
Join the fun and help raise funds for our 3 Day Walk next month!

VOLLEY FOR THE CURE Tuesday, September 27 @ Fairmont - vs. Beavercreek. Will be selling FORT bracelets, tickets for the Kelts Breast Cancer Fundraiser and hopefully getting donations for the 3 Day Walk!

Saturday, October 8 - 9th Annual Kelts Breast Cancer Fundraiser - HAPS IRISH PUB in Cinncinati. Raffles and lots of fun -
half the proceeds go to Susan G. Komen for the Cure, half to Melissa's Scholarship fund at Fairmont. THANKS PAULY & ELIZABETH and KELTS!!!!

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Like Fort, I love, love, love the fall...or I used to anyway. Love the weather,
football, watching her play rugby...missing her in the fall...and getting closer to the holidays...wishing I could just jump from October to February. Thankful for a wonderful husband, son, grandsons and daughter in law...and compassionate friends, and my sister...and remembering ALL the things I am thankful for.

Miss you every single day Melissa...love you pretty girl...

Enjoy the fall!

Welcome MIA MARIE!!!!!

2011-09-01T19:32:00.001-07:00

Mia Marie is here!!!!!!
(after Fort...Melissa Marie)

She is absolutely adorable...and I had the HONOR of being her FIRST friend. When Emma was born, Melissa was the first visitor and Emma's first friend. When Luke was born, Fort was the first visitor, and LUKE'S first friend. So this summer, I visited Stacy & Casey, and they asked if I would be THIS baby's first friend...
I know Fort was there today too...

One HAPPY family! (baby Mia is in her bassinette, keeping warm!)

This picture is in honor of FORT...if you've ever seen a collection of pictures of her, you will notice that in MORE THAN HALF of the pictures, she is sticking out her tongue!

First friend....

Proud papa & baby Mia

Big brother Luke & Mia

Big sis Emma & Mia

Mommy (Stacy), Mia & Pam

Nick & Mia

Congratulations Stacy & Casey! ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Back to School

One good thing about going back to school? Never a dull moment...and PLENTY of stuff for the blog...

Our "theme" this year is "DREAM BIG". Pretty much about raising test scores. At any rate, I pulled some books that tie in to our theme - and talk to the students about "what is YOUR dream?". I told them one of my dreams was to see all 50 states.
So this little girl (third grader) says "I want to be a vegetarian when I grow up." And I'm thinking, that's interesting...so I say "you can do that NOW, all you have to do is stop eating meat...". She looks at me funny, and the little girl next to her says "No, she wants to take care of animals..." OH. A VETERINARIAN.....we cleared THAT up pretty quickly. Good thing I've decided to focus on "BUILDING VOCABULARY" this year!

I was telling Nick the vegetarian story on the way to see the baby tonight. It reminded me of ANOTHER school story, only this one involved my school Principal.
GREAT guy. EVERYONE should be fortunate enough to work with someone like this...
I was having a VERY stressful day. This guy was a great Principal, but he was overwhelmed (the district basically gave him TWO full time jobs), and he didn't hesitate to delegate. And I couldn't say "no". So I was overwhelmed, and pulled my rocking chair to a corner, sat down and started crying. Then HE walked in the door.
Not knowing HOW to handle this crying librarian, he comes up to me, hands me a $10 and says "go buy yourself a pitcher of beer"....He was ONE OF A KIND.

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Hope you have a relaxing Labor Day Weekend...I plan on it!

TEAM B POSITIVE...3 DAYS - 60 MILES....

2011-08-28T06:53:00.000-07:00

...8 weeks and counting....

(First of all...if you are reading this blog for the first time - be sure to scroll down the right side of this page and go the archives...anything before January 2009 is FORT'S writing...I have been updating since then. BUT you want to read HER writing...she make you laugh out loud...(and cry sometimes)...also be sure to go to www.fortscancersux1.blogspot.com where she began the blog after her first reoccurence in 2005...)

ANOTHER successful Team B Positive fundraiser...this time sponsored by Annie, Melissa's roommate in the Convo at Ohio University her sophomore year. WOW. Annie did an incredible job pulling this together. 50/50 raffle, probably 20 gift baskets along with several framed Cincy photos in the Silent Auction, fun games and LOTS of fun....I am positive this fundraiser took her WAY over her $2300 goal!!!! It was awesome. Besides around 100 or more of Annie's friends and relatives - some of Fort's friends surprised us too.....Kat & Chris, Pauly, Elizabeth & baby Luke, Tammy and Stolle....it was so nice to see such a great turnout for such a great cause!
Thanks Kat, Chris, Tammy, Pauly Elizabeth & Luke & Stolle for being there too!!!!!

GREAT JOB Annie...now we need to get you packed....

Pam, Annie, Ang

I LOVE Annie's idea here...for $10, she'll wear a button with your loved one's name for the entire 60 miles...she had an awesome button with Melissa (and a butterfly)that she'll be wear, hopefully along with lots of other buttons!
Let me know if I can wear a button with YOUR loved one's name...just let me know soon so I can make the button!

Lots of framed Cincy photos in the Silent Auction...Fort would have LOVED this one...she became a huge UC BEARCATS fan when she got the job at UC!

One of the MANY baskets in the Silent Auction!

Elizabeth, Pamma & Luke, Pauly

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JUST A REMINDER....

The Cincinnati Kelt's Men's Rugby team is holding the 9th ANNUAL Breast Cancer Fundraiser @ HAPS in Cincinnati on Saturday, October 8. Mark your calendars...more details to follow...(Pauly and Elizabeth organized the first fundraiser in October 2003, the year Melissa was diagnosed and have held it every year since...LOVE YOU PAULY & ELIZABETH!!!!!) And thanks to all who participate by either selling raffle tickets OR BUYING raffle tickets and attending. Half of the proceeds go to Susan G. Komen and half go to Melissa's scholarship!

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COMPASSIONATE FRIENDS

Went to the Compassionate Friends Picnic/Balloon Release...this is an annual summer event...instead of our monthly meeting, we have a picnic and send "letters" to our children...this year I invited my dad (and my sister Sue went too). It was good for all of us...

My dad with his "letter" to my brother Steve...I can honestly say that I don't remember my parents ever talking about my brother after he died. So seeing dad writing on his balloon...not just "I love you" but a LETTER, telling him about a friend of his (Steve's) that he sees and asking him to "say hi to everyone I know up there" touched my heart...

Express letters to heaven ("air" mail)....

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Had a second celebration for Max's birthday...had to share MORE cute photos...
here Max...use a fork....

such good manners....

aw...the heck with using a fork...

Max is 2!!!!!

2011-08-20T16:23:00.001-07:00

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAXWELL IRVIN!
Hard to believe Max is 2 already. I remember VIVIDLY the day Nick & Mere told us she was pregnant...they made a little puzzle for Melissa (it was at Christmastime and she was home from Hospice). The puzzle said "Meredith is pregnant". She got as far as "Meredith is" and she guessed. They REALLY wanted her to name the baby, but she had only ONE name in mind, (she's here...the puzzle just went off)and it wasn't one they would use (we thought she was sleeping and talking in her sleep...we all looked at each other, like, WHAT?????) She opened her eyes and said "I'M JUST KIDDING..." that was her. ALWAYS kidding. So Fort KNEW about Max...she just didn't know if the baby was a Maxwell or Maxine...and on Max's birthday, every year, I will remember that Melissa KNEW Max, and loved Max, and we make sure that Max KNOWS that Aunt Fort knew him and loved him.

So. I just kind of decided yesterday that I would start a tradition with my grandsons. I would take them out for their birthday...just me and them. So I decided to take Max to breakfast. A two year old. Boy am I STUPID. Fortunately,
Nick & Mere agreed to go with us. Good thing. We probably would have been thrown out of the restaurant if it were just me and Max...I couldn't have caught him. He's pretty fast. And he LOVES the blueberry syrup (WITH blueberrys) for the waffle sticks. Sucks that syrup right off of them, then wipes his hands on anything close, THEN wants a kiss....

Fish kisses for Pam-ma....awwwwwwwww...no need to thank me Max....
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Got Max a new BIG WHEEL for his birthday...we have one here, and while they share SOMETIMES, thought it would be nice if we had one for each of them. Looked pretty cool on the box, and silly me, I thought it was ALREADY put together. Open the box, pull it out, Max gets to ride it...but NOOOOOOOO. There were probably 100 pieces. And Max was bound and determined to help. By moving pieces around, moving the screwdrivers, using the hammer on the wheels, he was a REAL help. I got everything together up to the front wheel, and I had just given up when Nick walked him. He finished it and EVERYONE was happy....

Max is ready and willing to help Pam-ma put his birthday present together...

...and it's ready to roll! A little big for him, but he'll grow into it (and in the meantime, Drew is just the right size!)

Max and his new bulldozer in his garden...
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Went to a picnic in the afternoon-Wilson Park in W Carrollton- for my cousins 50th Anniversary. (Congratulations Sharon & Jim!) Great park, GREAT pool. The kids had a great time (so did we)...

Max...swimming...

What Pam-ma? Can't you see I'm eating my root beer float?????

Rest period...Nick, Leanne, Stacia, Pam,Drew, Max, Mere
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DON'T FORGET....2 upcoming fundraisers for our 60 mile, 3 day walk in Atlanta in Oct.
Next Saturday, August 27, in Cincinnati - Indian Mound Cafe - 5226 Montgomery Road. 7-midnight; and Saturday, Sept 17 for a tailgate party for the Ohio State Game @ Talegators on Far Hills in Centerville. No cover, donations accepted. $10 for buffet; 50/50 and other raffles. ALL TO A GREAT CAUSE...TO END BREAST CANCER.
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Wow. Where did the summer go? I get a little anxious every year about this time(about going back to work)...and now I can decide ~ "Should I stay or should I go?".......for this year, I'll be staying. Donny is busy with work AND coaching ~ long days. Exactly what HE needs. I work and need some down time...exactly what I need. I love the fall as much as Melissa did...and fall brings us into the holidays...try not to think too much about it. Can't get around it, HAVE to go through it. But I try to keep busy too. I STILL miss her EVERY SINGLE DAY. I'm guessing that will never change.

This week was rough - a good friend of Nick's from high school lost her sister in a tragic accident last week. ANOTHER set of parents lose a child. WHY??????????? And it all comes flooding back. And I look at them and know EXACTLY where they are today, and where they will be tomorrow and next week and next month...and a year from now.
And it is painful to know and understand THEIR pain. I promised them we would keep in touch. It's what WE can do now.

So, kiss your kids, tell the people that you love that you LOVE them, and enjoy EVERY day. Oh...and take lots of pictures too.

Enjoy the fall.

GO BIRDS!

Mutual Bonds

2011-08-04T10:16:00.000-07:00

Nope. Not a post about finances....but about FRIENDS.

First of all, if I learned ANYTHING from Melissa, it was to B POSITIVE. (I'm TRYING...REALLY). She ALWAYS had a funny story or anecdote in her posts, even when things weren't going so well. So I need to do the same. There are PLENTY of funny stories about Fort, so I'll share a few of the favorites...

We had a great priest at Ascension back in the late 80s that started every sermon with a joke. He grabbed your attention right away and pulled you in. Maybe that's where Fort got it. Anyway, one Saturday, we got a late start to Mass, walked in a couple minutes after it started. Immediately an usher, FRONT and CENTER holds up two fingers and motions for us to come to the front...Father Rudy stopped, looked at us and said "If you get here early, you get the good seats in the back..."
If you knew Melissa at all, you know that she HATED to have any attention brought to her...I know we BOTH felt like crawling under the seats. Church was OF COURSE packed and people were straining their necks to see WHO he was talking about.
Needless to say, we were never late to mass again.

Another favorite Fort story - she got her first "real" job at Stan the Donut Man.
The first day or so, they had her working the counter - selling donuts, working the register, pouring coffee. She LOVED that. She loved interacting with the customers.
Just when she was getting comfortable with THAT, Sylvia, the older, more experienced co worker, said "Ok Melissa. Now you need to learn how to work in the back." One part was cleaning up the fryers and the racks that were covered with hardened glaze.
As Sylvia walked out to the front, she said "you need to use a lot of elbow grease to get those clean Melissa." A couple of minutes later, Melissa poked her head out the door and asked "Hey Sylvia, where's the elbow grease?"
Of course all of the customers started cracking up, and Melissa had NO IDEA what they were laughing about! (of course I mentioned elbow grease to her when she was growing up, it was obvious she never listened!)
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So. Mutual Bonds. Friends.
We went to the Compassionate Friends meeting last Thursday. We had a great speaker. The topic was Mutual Bonds. He started with story when Christians were persecuted and how they communicated to others that they were Christians because of the fear of being put to death...it was very interesting. He then compared that to our group, and how we were all together because we had something in common, the loss of a child (or children), and how these will be lifetime friendships.
We have been going for about a year, and have made some wonderful friends. It is the one place you can go, say ANYTHING you want, and EVERYONE truly understands. At the end of the meeting, he asked if there were any questions, or anything anyone wanted to talk about.
There were a few questions, one being "is anyone else afraid of losing ANOTHER child?" He put it out to all of us. "Does anyone else ever think about that?"
EVERY hand went up. There were probably 40 people at this meeting.
So one person wonders "am I the only one that feels this way?" and we find out we are ALL feeling the same way. Pretty much about everything.
Other concerns were things that people say that bother us. Again he put it back on US. "YOU are the teachers. If you've never lost a child, you DON'T know what to say, what to do. YOU teach us. If something bothers you, tell the person."
Then I thought about when Melissa lost HER son. I was in the same position as YOU.
I had no idea what she was going through or HOW she was feeling. I was really insensitive, at least on one occasion that I remember. It was Christmas Eve. The only thing I EVER wanted for Christmas was for our whole family to go to Mass together. She didn't want to go (it was only TWO MONTHS after she lost HER son).
I begged her to go. So she did. When we got to church, the family that sat in front of us had a brand new baby. She was devastated. And I had NO idea how she was feeling...because I had never been in her shoes. And she is not here now, and I can't take back what I did, but I can maybe help someone else if they are ever in the same position (God forbid)...I look back on that and am horrified that I did that to her.
But I didn't know.
So that's why I post what I post. Because I'm a teacher. And I hope that it helps you understand where "we" are coming from. Will we ever get "better"? On the outside, maybe. But on the inside the hole in our heart will always be there. The pain will never go away. (the puzzle is going off...I think she's ok with what I'm writing here...) So let us talk. Let us cry. It's a healing process that will go on for the rest of our lives, I'm sure. We will always miss her. But we will keep on living our lives.

I had TWO teachers - my mom (who lost HER son) and my daughter (who lost HER son)...and what I learned from them is to keep on living. But what I have learned from my friends at Compassionate Friends is it's OK to talk about them so you CAN go on with your life. For me, it keeps her close to me.

And while I'm on the subject of friends, one things that makes me smile is getting together with Melissa's friends. And in the last couple of weeks, I spent a little time with several of her friends. They are treasures, and I hope they never stop calling, sharing stories and just keeping in touch. It keeps US going.

Fort's best friends in high school...Tracy, Bone & Angie...

Fort's best friend from OU, Stacy (and me)...When Stacy had Emma, Fort was Emma's first friend. When she had Luke, Fort was Luke's first friend. When the new baby arrives, I GET TO BE the FIRST FRIEND. Thanks Stacy...this means SO much to me!

Max & Drew on their motorcycles...just having fun...

~~~~~~~~~~~
Oh...one more thing to think about from Compassionate Friends....
(NO ONE expects or ever IMAGINES that they will lose a child. The order should be
grandparents, then your parents, then you. Not your children first. Unfortunately, that's not the way it works...)

"We are all in line. We just don't know WHERE we are in line."

Enjoy every day. And make today a GREAT one.

Weddings, Storms, Butterflies and ORBS.....

2011-07-18T08:11:00.000-07:00

Another name/# is added to the family tree. In Donnys family, one of his cousins made a cross stitch several years ago - kind of a family tree.
Donnys dad had seven brothers and sisters (actually 8 - one sister died very young).
On the family tree, each family was given a color (for the thread). Each family member was given a number - when they came into the family.
Granpa was #1, Grandma was #2, Lou was #3 and so one. You got the next number when you came into the family. Donny is #19, I think I'm #54 and Melissa & Nick are somewhere in the latter 50's or early 60s. I'm guessing Katie is in the 100s now.
Going to try to find out WHERE she falls - and where Mere, Drew & Max are. Kind of a neat way to keep track for geneology purposes. Anyway - we have a new member of the family...Welcome Katie!
Some interesting stories from THIS wedding. One of the grooms uncles picked up his suit from the dry cleaners right before coming to the wedding (from Dayton, to Michigan). When he was getting ready for the wedding (about 45 min before), he got into the dry cleaning only to find that his PANTS weren't there. He was at Men's Warehouse @ 1:30, & $136 later, he got pants, they were hemmed and he was at the wedding at 1:55...GREAT advertising for Men's Warehouse, eh? The boyfriend of one of the bridesmaids split his pants an hour before the wedding, was at Macy's a half hour before buying a new pair of pants....
AND the story of the wedding (which most people probably don't even know yet) - after the reception, the bride and groom went back to their room, obviously checking their luggage to make sure they had everything, and the bride couldn't find her passport. They DID find it (at Kinkos, where she left it the day before) and I'm guessing they are sipping frozen drinks on the beach right now...at least I HOPE they are! and they'll live HAPPILY EVER AFTER.....

The Bride and Groom...Congratulations Katie & Ben!

Pam and the Fort boys....some of them. The uncles of the groom...Rob, John & Rick.

Donny & Doug (his best friend, neighbor, my 2nd cousin, and the grooms Uncle. AND the person who gave Donny my phone # 41 years ago...Thanks Doug!

Donny's dad had 7 brothers and sisters. Aunt Jo was married to Lou, the oldest brother. This is her with her boys...Bill, John, Rob & Rick. Ben is Bill's son.

Donny and his good friend Tim - former co-worker from NCR (lives in Michigan close to where we went for the wedding. His girlfriend, Catherine, was diagnosed with breast cancer in Sept. Last fall I wrote about when she had her biopsy, Tim was with her and looked up and there was a butterfly on the light - right about the time I was writing a lot about butterflies! Said he felt like it was someone watching over them - and he hadn't read the blog in awhile. Told him "of course it's Melissa watching over her!"

Summer Storms

Actually should have put Norris Lake FIRST. We got home from Norris on Sunday, this happened on Monday, July 11. Normally the news interrupts with Storm Warnings whenever a storm like this is coming. That night, they never interrupted broadcasting, so we had NO idea what was coming. The sky was OMINOUS. Ugly clouds, lots of lightening. Then the winds started. Our power went out around 9:30. (it was out from that night until Friday morning!) Took the first picture after the rain stopped that night. We had a couple of big branches down from our tree in the front yard, and our lawn furniture was scattered in the back yard. The wind was blowing from the west to the east, but the grill on our deck was blown from the east side of the deck to the west side of the deck. Hmmmm? Lots of branches down on our street.
We had NO idea how much damage there was any where else. We drove around a small part of Kettering when the storm passed, and it was unbelievable. Power lines down, trees uprooted, lots of large branches off trees. We found out a later the next day that the roof was torn off an apartment building a couple of miles away.
In another neighborhood not far from us, I think every house either had an uprooted tree or branches down. It was a mess...
I've heard 80mph winds and an F1 tornado. Not sure WHAT it was. But every time we get a storm like that, we lose power for a minium of 4 days. Fortunately we are blessed with great neighbors (across the street), who NEVER lose their power and bring an extension cord (not safe, I know) across the street so we can plug in our refrigerator and a fan so we can sleep. Fortunately it wasn't a catastrophe. Uprooted trees and roof damage can be taken care of. I think it was God's way of boosting the economy here...more tree trimmers and Power & Light trucks in this area than I've seen in a long time. They'll have work for the rest of the summer!

The lid on the fire pit in our backyard was flipped over by the wind and stayed on the firepit collecting rain! Nothing else sat still like that in our backyard!

Tree on house...

Uprooted tree in MY parking space at school!

I'm guessing this was probably a 50ft pine tree, uprooted. Next to my school...

The next pictures were taken on my four mile walk -
Several uprooted pine trees in a row...

Notice one tree is uprooted and leaning, others still standing!

Solid metal 30ft flagpole...bent...

Uprooted tree in Delco Park (on my walk)

This is probably a 40ft evergreen, uprooted.

Tree on house...I took this picture last week. Walked by this morning and it's STILL on the house..

small uprooted tree on our street...

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Norris Lake and butterflies....

Took a long weekend for a relaxing couple of days at Norris Lake in Tennesse. If you've never been there, it's BEAUTIFUL. Very peaceful.
This is our view from the pontoon boat. We stayed in the hotel on the hill. Were able to tie the pontoon boat up at a dock right below the hotel. The dock in the foreground is Shanghai Dock. Nice restaurant and little store too. We'll take this vacation EVERY summer.

We found a great cove to swim in for the day - or just relax on the rafts...

This butterfly stayed around the boat and landed on the boat several times the first day...

We found a relatively quiet cove, pulled the pontoon boat up to the shore and tied up for the day. This butterfly kept flying around the boat, finally landing IN the boat. First eased my foot close and "she" didn't fly away. So I put my hand down, and she climbed onto my hand - even let me move my hand toward Donny for a picture!

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Drewisms and Maxisms...

ALWAYS a good story from Drew and Max too...
Nick & Mere took the boys to the grocery with them on Sunday. They had one of those carts that looks like a race car. Fun for the boys. As they were walking through the aisles, two different "grandmotherly" women commented on how cute the boys were. Nick & Mere were delighted, of course, but realized that they had been pretty quiet for some time. They got in front of the cart to see what they were doing, and they were each eating a pop tart, Max holding the box (and had part of the foil from the package in his teeth). Two very happy boys...I'm sure they were thinking "isn't this great? We can just pull whatever we want off the shelves!"...one of those UNINTENDED purchases...(Grandma says "OH, they were happy AND behaving. That's all that matters...")
* * * *
Last week Mere and the boys and I went to a friends house to go swimming. On the way home, Meredith was telling me the story about the day she walked in to Max's room and he was sitting on his Elmo car, pants down, pooping. We chuckled about that, and I asked Drew, "That's not where Max should poop. Where should he poop?"
Drew said "IN THE BACKYARD".....
Which leads to the story of Max's first birthday party at our house last summer.
He was COVERED with cake and icing after we sang happy birthday to him, so Mere took all his clothes off so we could "hose him down"...my sister Sue looked up and said "hey Pam, look at Max..." He was SQUATTING by the fence in the back of the yard...pooping. (And we didn't get another dog after we put Bandit down because I was tired of cleaning up poop in the backyard. Never thought I'd be cleaning up after my GRANDKIDS...)

(maybe THIS is why Drew thinks this is where Max should go "potty"...hmmmmm...)

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ORBS

and you KNOW I love to put "new" photos of FORT when I find them....

Went to visit the medium again...it was ANOTHER good session. This time we talked about Melissa, JP, my friends Jackie and Ruth. I told him about the picture with orb (that I posted on the blog a few months back)...he said you can actually INVITE them in to a picture! After he told me that, he said, "something floral. Is there a bedspread or something floral. Mauve"...that would be the quilt on my bed. He told me to take the picture there. Then he said "I always say the Lord's Prayer first. JP can be there too. Is there a Nursery Rhyme, or something she always said?" (I can do it myself")...he said "Say that." Then he said to wait a couple of days - she used a lot of energy that day - and let her know a couple of days ahead. So I did.
So we got home from the wedding on Sunday, and we were BOTH anxious to take the pictures. We took about ten pictures.

Now I KNOW you probably think we are crazy. And maybe we are. But we do whatever we have to to get through one day at a time. And believe it or not, this really helps. I also know how skeptical WE are (and MOST people), but we did it anyway. And for you skeptics - we checked all the pictures I took on this camera this summer...Vegas, Kiawah Island, Norris Lake, Michigan wedding...and there are NO orbs in any other pictures. (We even enlarged other pictures to see if there were any)...
So, believe or not, here a two of the best pictures...

This is the first picture I took. Click to enlarge photo - look at the bottom/middle of the wall hanging, right above the pillow. Two orbs - a bigger and smaller one...

Click on the picture - it should enlarge and you can see the orbs. Two right next to Donny, a bigger one and smaller one and some others in the pic.

Life goes on....

2011-07-06T12:04:00.001-07:00

...whether I want it to or not. Some days.

Had a busy start to the summer. A week in Vegas, home for a couple of days. Then off to Kiawah Island. Then home, busy with lunches - Dad & Donny. Nick today. And off to see Thomas Windlow (the medium I went to last summer and the summer before) next week.

But for some reason (hmmm?), have been sad. June is hard. Melissa was diagnosed on our anniversary. That could be it. Another holiday. That could be it. She should be HERE. I miss her EVERY day. Hard to get motivated when I'm home. To do ANYTHING.
I cry a lot. At anything.
Then the other day I decided to get my camera out and download pictures to the computer. Over 250 pictures. I've been doing SOMETHING.
Taking pictures has always been something I loved to do. And Melissa inherited that love. She probably took more pictures in her short life than I have in my almost 55 years. I am so glad about that.
So anyway, I was looking at all those pictures and thinking that as much as I miss her...I AM keeping busy. I AM doing something. One day at a time. So what if I cry for a day. Or a week. I have pictures to PROVE that I'm doing something.
And I love to share them. Like Melissa. Not that anyone is really interested (we always joked about sharing our OVER 1000 pictures from our trip out west...couldn't understand why we didn't have company for months after we returned!) But anyway,in cleaning out closets AND going over to my dad's (who looks at more pictures than you can imagine) - I found more pictures of Melissa too. I NEED to do this. Keeps her close to me. Even brings a smile along with some tears. I hope you enjoy them as much as I have....

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Had a celebration for my nephew's birthday on the 4th of July.
Just a few of us, played a new game - FARKLE - and lots of food (all provided by my sister, Matt's mom). Then fireworks in the front yard (provided by the City of Kettering).

Whoa...that's A LOT of candles Matt! Happy 32nd birthday! He NEEDED Drew & Max to help blow out all those candles!

Drew - not happy about something...

Drew caught a lightening bug...Max is amazed!

Discovering the backyard...

Drew. He SAYS he wants to be a fireman. But I'm guessing maybe...PLUMBER????

Drew, Pamma and Max enjoying a swing on the hammock...

One of my favorite summer pictures of Melissa & Nick. I think I used this one for a Christmas card one year. Relaxing in a hammock. Drew & Max love it too!

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I've been busy since schools been out...first Las Vegas, then Kiawah Island. Close to Charleston, S.C. LOTS to do. And we did.

This photo DOES NOT do this tree justice. It is unbelievable. 1500 years old. The branches probably spread out around the tree about 100 ft or more. Some of the limbs have grown into the ground. If you get to Charleston, DEFINITELY go see this. It's called the Angel Oak. Amazing. (and OH...it's FREE.)

Got up at 6 a.m. on the last morning to get the sunrise pictures. It was beautiful. HOWEVER...if you read the last post, I had a sunrise picture of Donny, Melissa & Nick...I KNOW they weren't happy getting up that early, and once you see a sunrise, it will last forever...if you take a picture. So I did. No more sunrise pictures for me for awhile...

we rented bikes and rode on the beach a lot. Linda went by herself one morning and saw an alligator going INTO the ocean! Guess it happens occasionally. We didn't go swimming that day...

Josh, me and Jackie. We had lunch at a great seafood restaurant - Hymans. You know how much I believe in signs? I get LOTS of them from Melissa. We got one from Jackie here...
At each table, there are small markers at each seat. Mine said "Hooty and Blowfish ate at this table." Josh & Rodney got there first, and they were going to be seated at a different table. Josh asked if we could have the table by the window. He took the seat by the window. He picked up his menu, the marker at his seat was "Neil Young sat here" (Neil Young was one of Jackie's FAVORITE musicians...in fact, it was his music on her video at her memorial!)

On a Harbor Cruise in Charleston (I'm holding Jackie...she went with us. We left a little bit of her swimming with the dolphins...)

Every morning I got up, had coffee on the deck. Gator watching....FINALLY on the last day...

we had a visitor. A BIG visitor...

Bigger gator is on the right, approaching the smaller gator - got some great video of them rolling around...fighting? mating? Not sure, but we did hear on one of our tours that it's gator mating season...hmmmmm.....

Right after the "encounter", the smaller gator went under and resurfaced about 25 yards away - the bigger gator turned around, and the chase was on! Josh looked up and saw two smaller gators running across the fairway - when I looked up, the bigger one was out of the water RUNNING across the fairway!...five minutes later we were on our bikes to find them!

Gator tracks across the fairway...from one lagoon to another.

on our way back from chasing alligators, we encounted THIS guy crossing the road...Deb came within a foot or so from him and didn't even see him!

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CONGRATULATIONS Pauly & Elizabeth - baby Luke arrived June 29! We are SO happy for all of you! (Pauly & Elizabeth organize the annual Breast Cancer Fundraiser for the Kelts - and were very good friends of Melissa's)

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It's becoming a habit posting photos of Melissa that I come across - this time at my dad's and while I was cleaning her room/closet and my room/closet....

Fort's BIGGEST fans...her family! (rugby game at Eastwood in Dayton - that's when she got the biggest turnout!)

Leanne, Melissa, Lara & Pam (must have been the year for flowered dresses)...

Fort with her cousin Tammy at our family reunion (at Disney Village)...always celebrating...

Fort with her Grandpa..they loved to party together...

Ready for a mother/daughter outing...I think we were head to see the Rubi Girls...

Melissa and Andy (I think this was when she was at OU and Andy was at Miami?)

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So. Life goes one. Whether I want it to or not some days.

One day at a time...

Enjoy your summer.

35 years later....

2011-06-23T16:33:00.001-07:00

...actually 41 years later. We met my freshman year in high school (via Donny's girlfriend who was trying to fix me up with another guy...who I wasn't interested in. At the time, I was thinking "no thanks, I'll take your boyfriend though...)and the rest is history.
We went to dinner tonight (even though our anniversary is Sunday - because I won't be home)and did some reminiscing. I mean I DID SOME REMINISCING...I could NEVER have imagined the course our lives would take over the next 30 some years. I would describe it as a ROLLER COASTER...like any other marriage. Good times and bad times, lots of UPS and DOWNS, but SOLID. And I can honestly say that I don't know how I could have handled the last several years WITHOUT Donny. He has been my rock. Marriage is NOT easy. In fact, it's pretty EASY to "escape", actually. It's a work in progress.

Melissa had a project in her creative writing class in high school, and one of the poems she wrote was "My mom likes to make me feel good"....
I won't share the entire poem here, just the appropriate parts for this occasion...

"My dad's totally in love with her too. sometimes it grosses me out
they know it and try to gross me out
"Let's french kiss" my dad would say, right in front of me
I usually scream cause it's not a pleasant thought
but sorta it is
My dad and I were talking once about all our family friends who were getting
divorces
and he looked at me and he said
"man, you really gotta love someone to death to marry them"
sometimes my dad annoys me and I totally ignore him
but, God, that really stuck.
*****

...that's all I'll share right now, some day I'll share the ENTIRE poem. I have it framed with a picture of us...one of those many things I saved.

Your kids DO listen and observe EVERYTHING you do. Everything you say. And sometimes it makes an impact. It did with Melissa AND Nick. She was blessed to find someone just like her dad. And Nick was blessed to find someone...well NOT just like his mom (which is a good thing!), but someone he loves more than anything...it shows.

SO...here's to 35 years...and counting. May YOU share many happy years too!

self portrait (taught by none other than FORT!)...@ Cheesecake Factory (thanks Julie & Kevin!)

This picture was taken June 26, 2004 @ Karyn & Keith's wedding, our 28th anniversary. The yaya girls were bridesmaids (Jennifers girls Jess & Jodi & Melissa). A friend of mine from high school is obsessed with boobs (literally) - and as we were having our picture taken, he yelled "show us your t*ts"...and Melissa reached in and pulled out her prosthesis!!!!!! HILARIOUS. I love this picture.
Happy Anniversary Karyn & Keith!

************* ************** ************** ************** ************
...and of course the reason anyone who reads this blog READS this blog is for the adorable pictures of Drew & Max (as Fort would say - at that time - DREW)...here we were having some fun with sidewalk chalk - HOPSCOTCH. You'd think I invented this game - Drew & Max LOVED it. Of course we had to trace each other too...that was fun...THEN lunch THEN a nap. Which really didn't happen. We were laying in Pamma's bed, Drew wanted a story and was closing his eyes while Max was jumping on the bed - finally told Max to lay down, so he did...I started singing "Rock a bye baby" and Drew started drifting off...Max kept looking at me (in the eyes) and KISSING me...on the lips...like he was FASCINATED with...my singing? or maybe he wanted me to STOP singing...I don't know - it made me chuckle-so he kept doing it - then Mere called and said she'd be there in five minutes....NO NAP. Hopefully they took naps for her when she got them home!
(OH - and speaking of sidewalk chalk - there is a new picture book out - it's INCREDIBLE...the kids at school LOVED it. The title is CHALK. It is a wordless picture book - WOW. Get it for your kids AND grandkids. I LOVE it!)

...do they look ornery or what?????

Enjoy the summer...and ALWAYS take lots of pictures...I'm SO glad I did!

Happy FATHERS DAY!!!!

2011-06-16T17:03:00.001-07:00

Donny,
I had NO idea you'd be such a GREAT dad...BLINDED as I was by your studliness...
(my Father's Day card to Donny).
This is SO true.
Never really thought about what it would be like to have kids. Didn't take long to find out - we were only married a year when I got pregnant with Melissa.
He was smitten from the VERY beginning.
There is NOTHING that grabs your heart like holding that little miracle that you created...and the love only grows stronger EVERY day...no matter HOW old they are.

Being a good dad is not an easy job. Donny took it very seriously. I think my kids know how blessed they were to have a dad that would do ANYTHING for them...he coached them (soccer, t-ball, baseball, basektball)he tutored them, read to them, gave them (what turned out to be) good advice, he fixed their cars, celebrated with them but most of all he loved (LOVES) them.

And he's a pretty awesome PopPop to boot. (just ask Drew & Max!)

...taking his little girl on her first date - to his sister's wedding...

...he LOVED reading to his little girl...

...he was a GREAT coach (she LOVED having her dad coach her - believe it or not!)

Donny was ALWAYS there for his kids....HAIR......

...or NO hair!

OH those Fortener boys...SUCH posers....Don (Dad/grandpa), Donny, Nick

...he took Nick camping (while I was on a trip to Florida with Melissa!)

...he made sure Nick signed all the paperwork necessary for his Scholarship to Akron...(Donny actually sent highlight tapes to all of the MAC schools, saw to it that Nick went to several football camps, one at which the Akron coaches saw him, hence his scholarship...)

...he made sure they got to Disney World...(and later, on a 3 week vacation out west-we drove all the way to California - with stops at Yellowstone, Yosemite, Grand Canyon, Bryce Canyon, Las Vegas, SanFrancisco, Salt Lake City, Field of Dreams, St. Louis, Mt. Rushmore, Zion Canyon - ALL of those, not necessarily in that order...he planned the entire trip. By himself. He had an itinerary that was logged to THE MINUTE. By the end of the trip, we were calling him Clark Griswold (Vacation).
Which reminds me - at the Grand Canyon, we had lunch at Bright Angel Lodge, where the Griswolds had lunch in the movie. He put our name in as "the Griswolds". Melissa and I were in the Gift Shop when they called us. I pretty much had to drag her into the restaurant...she was SO embarrassed...her dad loved to do THAT too.

...he always made sure they had a nice Christmas; anything that had to be put together was put together - even if it was Christmas Eve after they went to bed...
and of course made sure he had his picture with them while they still looked good!

...he made SURE his kids would see a SUNRISE on the beach (although at the time, I'm pretty sure they didn't appreciate being pulled out of bed at 5:30 a.m.)

...and of course they got PLENTY of beach time....

I did good, didn't I?
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And all the things I said about Donny? I could say about my OWN dad. He taught me how to LOVE the outdoors, sports, to love UNCONDITIONALLY. My dad did not preach, he taught us by his actions. He LOVED my mom, he took care of her and although I didn't know it at the time, they taught me how to get through the loss of a child...(I lost my brother Steve when he was 17)...Thank you DAD (AND mom)...for teaching me so many important things in my life...I love you! HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!

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Happy Fathers Day Nick! and Happy Father's Day to all Dad's - "new" dads - Pauly & Biggest Mike too! (not sure if the babys will be here by Father's Day...but enjoy the day anyway!!!)

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ok...remember in the last post I said "Nick & Mere are going to have LOTS of fun with Max"...he's an accident waiting to happen...WELL. The next day, he took a spill at our house - not pretty. Had a "nice" gash in his forehead - took 3 of us to hold him down to get a butterfly on it...but a popcicle took care of getting his attention away from us working on him...he'll have a nice "rememberance" of his first accident at Pamma's and Poppops!

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I had the pleasure of joining Jen, Big Dog & Diane in Las Vegas the week after school was out - lots of sun, lots of slots (tables for Jen & Big Dog) and just a good time to get away. Casinos are a good place to go for mindless activity (which I need occasionally)...at least at the slot machines. Came home only $100 down!
Everyone else was UP. Good trip! Thanks Big Dog and Diane!!!!!!
Enjoying a tall one at Toby Keith's (I think it's at Harrah's)...

Recently Fort's friend Josh posted a picture of himself wearing his orange FORT shirt...at the bottom of the Grand Canyon...FORT made it to VEGAS too-via Jen! (I know this is hard to believe, but Melissa DID NOT like the casinos...imagine that? One of the few things that we differed on...

The breakfast of champions...(note the coffee on the counter - that was MINE...until I looked at my watch and saw that it was NOON (Dayton time, but it WAS noon somewhere!)...so I joined them!

...last morning, 2 hours to go, headin' to the Tropicana for some fun...(which Jen and Big Dog had....)

Thanks Big Dog for getting my summer off to a good start!

ANOTHER Fortener...

2011-06-03T19:24:00.001-07:00

Congratulations Danny & Lauren ... married May 28, 2011 ... that brings the Fortener family total to....probably over 100 now!

The Mother/Son Dance...

Caleb (Jacob's son) with Blair White (Blair was a teammate of Danny's @ Michigan State, now an Indianapolis Colt!)

what a handsome family...Jacob, Jodi, Danny...last time I saw them all together - they were probably 6-7-8!

***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
Took a short trip to Put in Bay Memorial Weekend...specifically to see the band
Wally and the Beaves - GREAT oldies. They were followed by the MENUS (from Cincinnati)...the MOST entertaining band I've ever seen. The lead singer changes into several "costumes" during the performance (he's wearing a TARGET bag!) - an incredible singer! We had great seats and really got our moneys worth. They are at Fraze Pavillion every summer - will definitely go to see them this summer...

Started the evening at Put in Bay with a Strawberry (filled with Strawberry vodka)-not bad...

The BIRTHDAY BOYS...Donny & Dad BOTH celebrate their birthdays May 31. Celebrated with a cookout on Memorial Day - Donny 57, Dad 81...they both look pretty good, eh?

Max...getting ready to do a somersault. Funny Max story - I watched the boys the other night for a couple hours after school Decided to take them for a walk to the park - but couldn't cross Patterson Road - TOO busy. So I talked them into going home for a popcicle. When we got back to their house - I sat down on the couch and started telling Drew a story. I heard Max in the kitchen, next thing I know, he comes out and hands me an ICE CUBE. I said "WHERE did you get that?" He just smiles and goes back out to the kitchen. THEN he comes out with a POPCICLE! I decided I needed to investigate - sure enough, a chair was pushed up to the refrigerator and the freezer door was WIDE open. He got HIMSELF a popcicle. He is not even TWO yet...they are going to have SOME FUN with this one....

Drew...cleaning up AFTER playing in the pool...(isn't playing in the pool LIKE taking a bath????)

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My dad found this picture...Melissa @ 3 1/2 months...she was SO cute...

One of my co-workers found this picture with Melissa - Fort is top middle - her daughter is bottom right - it was at COSI in Columbus - a Girl Scout trip. I LOVE it when people share old photos of her....I remember this trip too!

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Well...I did it...made it through ANOTHER year. My FIRST year at my "new" school.
Last year about this time I posted on the blog about the closing of my "old" school.
It wasn't pretty. I was DEVASTATED. Pretty much determined to finish out my career in one year - and retire with 28 years.
WELL. Yesterday was the students last day, today was last day for teachers.
Our Principal had breakfast for the staff in the library - honored Linda, our ONE retiring teacher - and then announced the KOTA award (Kettering Outstanding Teacher Award, given at each elementary, voted on by the staff in each school)...as the principal was describing the person to whom it would be awarded, I was SURE it was going to Linda, our Title One Reading Teacher. She definitely deserved it...and then the principal turned and looked at me....I was SHOCKED. I was HONORED and humbled ... I was not a very sociable person this year - but I LOVE the kids, and LOVE what I do...and am actually looking forward to next year. There were so many people on this staff that really made me feel welcome, even though I pretty much stayed to myself - and the kids were incredible. THANK YOU GREENMONT for accepting me and making my first year a good one - with BUTTERFLIES to boot!

I called Donny, emailed Nick & Angie and wanted SO MUCH to call Melissa (AND my mom)...they would be so proud...it's a day of mixed emotions for me...happy and sad at the same time. I wish she were here to celebrate with me....LOVE YOU and MISS YOU EVERY SINGLE DAY Pretty girl...

Congratulations Kyra & Dane!!!

2011-06-01T17:23:00.000-07:00

SHE CAUGHT HIM! (No surprise there...she's REALLY fast!)
...and we were SO happy to be there to witness this happy union!!! ALWAYS good to see all of Melissa's friends! Keeps her close to us. She would have LOVED this, and I know she was (and will continue!) watching over them...along with the GROWING rugby family...LOTS of babies on their way (or recently arriving) as you can see below!

The Bride and Groom....BEAUTIFUL!

Pam, Elizabeth (of Pauly and Elizabeth...Breast Cancer Fundraiser promoters/organizers...DUE SOON!!!), and Donny

Donny, Kyra, Pam (one of our MANY daughters....thanks girls!)

Jen (Fort & Kyra's rugby coach AFTER college), Kyra and Pam

Eva (with 8 day old baby boy!...CONGRATS!), Kat, Casey (due SOON) and KJ - Fort's rugby teammates...

Pretty much the Men's and Women's Cincy Rugby teams.....

Seems to be a tradition at Rugby gatherings...INCLUDING weddings! Of COURSE Kyra climbs to the TOP!!!!

*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
Thank you Cincinnati Kelts (Women's AND Men's teams) for continuing to include us in your celebrations....we really feel like part of YOUR family and love you all so much...

and the 2011 Recipient of the Melissa Fortener McLaughlin Scholarship is...

2011-05-19T18:19:00.000-07:00

It was our honor and privilege to award the 2011 Melissa Fortener McLaughlin Scholarship to a very derserving senior at Fairmont...KELLY HART! She possesses many of the same character traits as Melissa...her athleticism, positive attitude, spirit, drive, and love for Fairmont High School. Melissa would approve, I KNOW.
In fact, I'm pretty sure Melissa met Kelly at one time or another (although Kelly might not remember!)...I'm sure Melissa saw Kelly play as a Freshman and on the Reserve team. She was impressed THEN and would be happy with our choice!

Kelly will be attending Bowling Green State University in the fall!

This is a good time to thank EVERYONE who has contributed to Melissa's Scholarship fund, most recently, the Cincinnati Kelts Men's and Women's Rugby Teams (from the annual Fundraiser in October), The Kettering Fairmont Women's Softball Team (from Fundraiser in April), and T.J.Chumps Restaurant (via a purchase of items from the BIG Fundraiser in Oct 2009 - signed NASCAR hats, the nosecone from Danica Patrick's car AND the fender from Jimmy Johnson's (NASCAR)car. THANK YOU THANK YOU.
(which reminds me...Ang and I were talking tonight about the NEXT BIG FUNDRAISER.
Possibly Oct 2012. Just like the last one...Anyone in?
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Last week and a half have been hard...Mother's Day, my mom's birthday, the WEATHER, I'm SURE all contributed. VERY depressed...
then in comes a kindergardner (at school) and changes all that...

"Do you REALLY like butterflies Mrs. Fortener?"
of course I said "YES!"
She said "Well, I think I'm going to be a butterfly
for Halloween next year. Or a dead cheerleader...
I don't know yet..."

I am pretty sure Melissa was sending me a "butterfly" through this little girl. You know that she sends me butterflies, but what I need to explain is (was) Fort's, well, unappreciation for cheerleaders. I think it was when "they" started saying cheerleading was a sport...she just never agreed with that. (Even though she KNEW her mom was a cheerleader. I always told her when I was a cheerleader, you just had to have a BIG mouth (LOUD people, LOUD)-you didn't have to be a GYMNAST. That's what she was referring to I'M SURE. So the fact that this little girl said a "dead cheerleader" would have made FORT laugh! (normally when kids said something funny at school, I would immediately email her, she would forward on to all her friends, then go home and post it on the blog. If you go back and read some of HER posts, you'll find some for sure!)

Then my first class, fourth grade, only came in for about 15 minutes because it was field day and the busses would be picking them up around 8:45. Some of the kids wanted me to continue reading FABLEHAVEN, and some didn't - so I told the kids who didn't want to listen to go get a GUINNESS (I laughed to myself on THAT one because I thought "How many librarians tell their kids to get a Guinness???? - Book of Records that is...)

and speaking of school...when I put my last book order in, I decided to find a book about RUGBY, for KIDS. This is what I found. It's a GRAPHIC NOVEL (aka comic book)-the kids love it. Ok - the kids that love COMIC BOOKS love it. It's for YOU Fort!

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haven't closed with cute photos of the boys in awhile...Fort LOVED to do that...
so here you go...

Drew & Max watering Pam-ma's garden....

Happy (?) Mother's Day....

2011-05-08T09:01:00.000-07:00

One thing that Melissa loved from the time she was little until the end was coloring.
When she was little, it was in coloring books, when she got older, it was lettering in her scrapbooks. And she was VERY good at it. Many years ago, she colored a picture in a Lion King coloring book and signed it for me. She taped it on my dresser mirror. For some reason, I never took it off the mirror. I am SO glad I didn't. Every morning I get up, and there is the picture..."HEY MOM, I LOVE YOU! Love, Mo (Mo was one of her childhood nicknames)...I have a PERPETUAL greeting from her...especially helpful today, Mother's Day. Boy do I miss her...
(the ribbon that is pinned on the picture was found when we went to the Akron/Purdue football game when Nick was playing for Akron. It was right after 9/11 and I guess they were giving them out at the game - we found it on the ground, I brought it home and pinned it to the picture...been there ever since. It's a picture of the Statue of Liberty and it says "SHE'S STILL STANDING...FREEDOM WILL BE DEFENDED")
I save everything (could I be becoming a hoarder?????? - SCARY thought....)

Haven't been very motivated to update here lately....it's been a BUSY month, but not a good month. Started with losing my good friend Jackie, then another good friend Paul, then ANOTHER good friend Ruth, and yet ANOTHER friend (met her with Ruth at McDonalds on our coffee days).
And now Mother's Day. I'm not real big on holidays any more. I get through them. I would rather GO AROUND them...but we get through them. I LOVE seeing Nick and the boys (Mere too). But something is missing. A REALLY loud voice. Laughter. Arguing (believe it or not I REALLY miss that too)...never thought I'd say that. But I miss EVERYTHING.
Went to a Cinco de Mayo party last night at Barbs (who went to Jacksonville with us). Never thought I'd want to go to a party again...but we did. Walked in the door and knew about half of the people there. It was ok. Had a couple of drinks, which I REALLY shouldn't do any more. It leads to talking about Melissa and CRYING. A LOT.
I normally do really well not crying in public any more (mostly in the car or at home when I'm alone)...but give me a drink? I can talk about Melissa forever...and out come the tears. Being around "new" friends is good for this - they didn't KNOW Melissa, so I have a captive audience. This poor girl last night had NO clue what she was in for. All she had to say was "My daughter goes to OU..." then I was on a roll. She was SO considerate. She let me talk, even cried with me. (If you are reading the blog, Mel, I hope that you weren't offended that I cornered you. Can't apologize, because what I do BEST is talk about my daughter. I hope you understand...)
Anyway, here we are. Another Mother's Day, and I'd really rather not celebrate it.
Nick (and Donny too) take care of me EVERY day. I don't really want a special day that just reminds me that I'm missing my daughter.
Looks like I've figured out what the problem is with getting motivated, eh?

But not wanting to celebrate this day doesn't stop me from HONORING the rest of you Mother's (oooooh....that'd didn't sound good, did it?) - Happy Mother's Day to all my WONDERFUL, CARING friends and relatives. Enjoy the day. I know you all deserve it!
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Easter was going to be a laid back day....ended up being a very busy day. Nick,Mere and the boys came over for breakfast, then left to go to Mere's mom's. We went to the Fortener Easter. Came home, nothing planned. Mary K. came over, Nick, Mere and the boys came back and we ended up cooking out. No John this year...we missed him (and Melissa ALWAYS). Holidays are different...

Max and Drew actually sat still for about 30 seconds (maybe) for this picture...we were bribing them with Easter candy. WHATEVER we have to do, we'll do. Aren't they cute?????

It's amazing how a little bucket of Easter grass and some miniature lawn tools can entertain a 3 year old and a 2 year old...but not for long. Right after this picture, the Easter grass came OUT of the bucket and was EVERYWHERE. Which led to the question from Donny and Nick..."Why do you buy this stuff? This happens EVERY year!" BECAUSE IT'S EASTER. THAT'S WHY. YOU NEED IT IN THE EASTER BASKET for FILLER. so there.....

The annual TRADITIONAL "Easter Egg Hunt" at the Forteners...although there are NO Easter eggs in this hunt...if you were driving by, it would look like the yard is full of trash...BUT it's actually about 200 baggies filled with goodies with labels with names on them. Melissa LOVED this annual event!

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TEAM BE POSITIVE
We held our first fundraiser for our 3 Day, 60 mile walk in Atlanta in Ocotber on Thursday, May 5 - Cinco de Mayo. It was held at Talegators in Kettering. Had several items donated for raffles, a 50/50 raffle and donations at the door. We raised about $500, which will be divided among team members who have not reached the $2300 goal. Our next fundraiser will be August 6. It's going to be a Poker Run. I'll post more information a month or so before the event.
If you are interested in contributing to the walk, go to www.the3day.org, then to Donate to a Participant. Choose "Find a Team" and type in Team B Positive. We have ten members, possibly more. Choose the person you would like to make your donation to...it's pretty simple! THANK YOU so much - for your PAST support too!
If you scroll down the blog - on the right hand side of the page there is a link to pictures from when MELISSA & I did the walk in 2007. It's an AMAZING experience. It is one of my FAVORITE memories with Melissa. Enjoy!

Team B Positive Members @ Cinco de Mayo Fundraiser...Sharon, Emily, Mindy, Terri & Pam

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My cousin Leanne's (she wrote and read the Eulogy at Melissa's funeral) son, AJ was in the Musical THE SECRET GARDEN at Fairmont High School. He had one of the lead roles, Archibald Craven. He is an INCREDIBLE singer and actor. Some day we'll be saying "WE KNEW HIM WHEN...."

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Got a text from Kelly's mom last Saturday...bunch of kids were going to Lincoln Park for Prom pictures, thought we might like to go. So we rode our bikes - a sunny day - hard to believe in April in Ohio! The dresses were spectacular...a lot different from when I went to prom! This is me & Donny with Kelly Hart & Jessie Walk..BEAUTIFUL!

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We met Nick, Mere, Drew & Max at a park in Centerville that had a day for kids to visit and explore firetrucks, school busses, big road equipment...and it was actually a sunny day. One of the TWO we had the whole month of April!

Drew has got the whole gear thing goin' on...he loved it....

Max is thinking about being a fireman too...the helmet is just a LITTLE too heavy...

Rest in Peace Ruth...

2011-04-26T13:38:00.000-07:00

My friend Ruth working at the Firebirds for Fort Fundraiser...

Me & Ruth selling tickets for the quilt at the Fundraiser...

Me & Ruth at our favorite place (Donut Man)having coffee...
December 31, 1999.

Me & Ruth at her granddaughter Stacy's wedding.

I started my walking 25 years ago with 3 women down the
street, Carol, Ruth & Pearl. I met Carol because her
son Kurt was in Kindergarten with Nick @ BTWN. She invited
me to walk with herself, Ruth & Pearl...we started walking
in the fall of 85. Then I started walking the 4 miles in the
afternoons to get in shape for my reunion and never stopped.
The four of us would walk to Donut Man (across from Channel 7)
and JUST have coffee. Stay an hour, walk home. Melissa eventually
got her first job at Donut Man because I got to know the owners
(Stan) daughter who managed it.
Pearl passed away about 10 years ago, and Carol stopped walking
because she started cleaning houses and had grandchildren to watch.
But Ruth and I continued to have coffee together. We would drive
to McDonalds every Saturday during the school year, and go 2-3 times
a week in the summer.

Ruth was diagnosed with breast cancer the year after Melissa (2004-she
was 80 at the time). She did pretty well until about 7 months ago.
She was having trouble with her balance, so she went to the doctor -
they found 19 tumors on her brain. Even at 86 they did radiation, and
she seemed to get a little better. But in the past month she has deteriorated.
She was in Hospice care at home for about three weeks. I've been visiting EVERY day. She was not only my FRIEND, but more like a mom to me. I loved my mom, but never had that friendship that you look forward to when you become an adult. You know, go shopping, go to lunch.
That's what I did with Ruth. I know more about Ruth than I knew about my OWN mom. I love her. And now SHE's gone. She was 87, but other than the cancer, she was unbelievably YOUNG. Hardly a wrinkle on her face (smile lines, but that's about it!) And NEVER took medicine. I asked her husband the other day and he said "she took an aspirin once"...she was pretty amazing. So I want to be like Ruth. (Although if I go sooner, that would be ok with me...33 years is a long time to wait to see Melissa again...)
Hard to believe when Ruth and I first became friends, she was 62 (and retired!) and I was 29 with an eight year old and a six year old!!!!!
Time flies when your having fun...and it goes too fast.
I love you Ruth and will NEVER forget you...

...and the Melissa Fortener McLaughlin Scholarship goes to....

2011-04-23T16:02:00.000-07:00

NOT YET folks...
FIFTEEN...YES 15 applications were submitted for Fort's Scholarship! We are
SO thrilled. Will be getting together soon (me, Donny, Nick, John & Angie) to read and decide who the recipient(s) will be this year. Will post as soon as it is announced.

The Scholarship Fund continues to grow...we will be receiving a check from the Fairmont Girls Softball team from donations collected for the softball tournament.

TJ CHUMPS recently opened a new restaurant in Fairborn and purchased the NOSE CONE from Danica Patricks car for $450.00 (to display at the new restaurant!) It was one of the items in the Silent Auction at the FIREBIRDS for FORT Fundraiser in 2009.
THANKS JIM & TERRY at TJ CHUMPS!!!!!*******************************************************************************
And on ANOTHER good note - over $3000 was donated for JACKIE'S BOOKS (my good friend who passed away about a month ago). Proceeds will go to books for Children's Hospital in Dayton and other children in need of books at home! Jackie would be thrilled!
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...MORE BUTTERFLIES!!!

Ever since the 350 butterflies "landed" in the library...students have been
bringing everything they can find with a butterfly. Even had a student
write a poem...

Butterfly in the sky
Butterfly in your eyes

Your daughter is at home

When she was a girl you
combed her hair

When she was a teen you
let her go everywhere

Now she is a full grown
Butterfly in the sky.

By Athena McL
(and believe it or not, she
has the SAME last name as Melissa!!!!)

...more beautiful butterfly artwork for the library!

Pam with Rubi Girls....

HAPPY (39th...seriously)BIRTHDAY JEN!!!!! We love you!

FIREBIRDS for FORT Softball

2011-04-10T18:46:00.000-07:00

The Fairmont Lady Firebird Softball team sponsored a FIREBIRDS for FORT event to raise money for the Melissa Fortener McLaughlin Scholarship Fund AND to raise awareness about Breast Cancer. It was ANOTHER touching tribute to Melissa (who played softball her junior year - because she wanted to be with her friends!) Even though her dad and mom both played softball and her brother was a baseball player, softball wasn't her best sport...but she tried it...and the Softball team honored her TOO! THANK YOU. Thank you Janet W. (no last names - per Fort) for getting the t-shirts together - we LOVE them...and LOVED seeing all the kids wearing them at the games! Fort would have loved it too...and to head coach (and friend) Rick A. for your part in getting this together...and coaches Bob, Chelsea (who Fort KNEW AND LOVED!) and Joe for your contribution! The funds raised will go to Fort's Scholarship, given to one (or more) graduating seniors each year.

When the coach asked if I wanted to throw the first pitch, I was a little worried about getting it over the plate...so the catcher was KIND enough to let me throw a couple of pitches BEFORE going to the mound! (Believe it or not, I still play softball...kind of. I'm on the team, and I'm married to the coach, so if I want to play, he's pretty good about getting me in. OH. And I only play first base, so I get that too. A little spoiled maybe? But he has to LIVE with me AFTER the game!)

Pam throws the first pitch for the JV game...

Getting the ball after the first pitch!

batter on deck....

Freshman...posing for the BLOG!

Freshman team pic...after an AMAZING 9-0 WIN against W. Carrollton!

Pam & Donny with Freshman Coaches Bob F. & his daughter Chelsea (THANKS for your part in organizing this!)

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BUTTERFLY WEEK AT GREENMONT...

As EVIDENT in these photos...the students were JUST as surprised as I was about all the butterflies in the library...and THEY made them! The teachers never told them WHY they were making the butterflies or WHERE they were going. So when they came to library this week...this is what I saw...it was priceless.....

First grade teacher Nikki P. tries on a butterfly headband...one of the MANY butterfly things I found this past week! Always having fun in MY library!

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ANOTHER interesting story happened this week in the library. After finding all the butterflies on Monday, I changed the plans I had for the week and went with butterfly stories - fiction AND nonfiction. On Friday, I had one of our fourth grade classes. After reading the story CHARLIE the CATERPILLAR, we talked about the story being a story about friendship, and what REAL friends are. I said something like "in a couple of years, when you get to middle school, it's a good idea to be friends with everyone..." something like that. This boy in the back says "YEAH - there was a boy named BRADLEY at the middle school that EVERYONE liked...but he was struck by lightening. Yesterday he would have been 32..." I was taken aback....16 years ago, one of Nick's friends at the middle school (BRADLEY DERRICKSON) was struck by lightening...and he WAS liked by everyone. So I called his mom after school and asked her if yesterday (April 7) was Bradley's birthday. She said yes. And the day I called her was the day he was struck by lightening! She was SO happy to hear this story...16 years later. I called her because I KNOW that 16 years from now, I hope SOMEONE calls me to tell me a story about MELISSA....we hope NO ONE EVER FORGETS. And here is a FOURTH GRADER, 16 years later, talking about Bradley, who he NEVER knew. I LOVE IT...and so did his mom and dad. I guess I'm telling this story because I want you to tell your stories to anyone who has lost a loved one...the stories are TRULY appreciated. We NEVER get tired of hearing them...even the same stories over and over again...JUST REMEMBERING them is what we want.

HAPPY 3rd BIRTHDAY ANDREW!!!!

2011-04-04T17:07:00.001-07:00

April 4, 2008....Andrew Charles was born. ANOTHER of the happiest days of my life.
It has been three years of bliss for us. Not sure if he will ever understand that his arrival came at a time that we would need HIM the most. This is the child (and Max later) that got us through THE most difficult time of our life.
AND he KNEW his Aunt Fort. She talked to him, played with him and LOVED him.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ANDREW CHARLES. We love you!!!!!!!

I'M THREE...HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU??? Now let me eat my ice cream!

Having fun with PopPop

Boys...(NICK & Uncle Jeff)...never too old for toys...

Whose birthday is it anyway????

...and Max slept through it all....

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SPRING BREAK in Melbourne, FL

For the first time in over ten years, we didn't go to Siesta Key for Spring Break. Decided to spend it with my 80 year old dad in Melbourne, FL. Thought we would have a "relaxing" week. HA. It was seven days of trying to KEEP UP with my 80 year old dad. And we couldn't do it. I just can't DO every night at the VFW. But we did go Sunday night to watch him entertain the masses for Karaoke night. AND introduce us to EVERYONE there. EVERYONE. We made it another night to watch him play darts, then followed him to Applebees (10:30) for MORE karaoke. Three nights was about all we could do. We were in bed (reading or sleeping) every night no later than 10.
Dad was home every night no EARLIER than 11.
Maybe when WE are 80 we'll have the energy that HE has.

Karaoke on Sunday night at the VFW...

Dad with two of his VFW friends (sisters Marie & Phyllis)

Went to one of dad's favorite restaurants (and mine too)in Melbourne-
Meg O'Malleys... This one is for you Johnny Mac....

Bumper to Bumper traffic going south. Doesn't look like the economy is too bad to me...OR that gas is almost $4 a gallon....

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The Butterfly Effect....IN ACTION

A couple of months ago I posted about a book that I recieved for Christmas...THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT. When applied to humans, it's about how something YOU do can affect others for a LONG time. What happened to me today not only made an impact on ME (for the rest of my life), but over 300 students (and teachers too)...

When I arrived at work today, I was carrying in a heavy box AND a cup of coffee and trying to unlock the door to the library. Now, mind you, there is a ceiling to floor window NEXT to the door, but I didn't look in...I was concentrating on my keys (and with the help of Linda) finally got the door open, and talking to Linda at the same time, didn't even look up. When I finally did, what I saw was nothing short of SPECTACULAR...for me. BUTTERFLIES. EVERYWHERE. It was incredible. There were probably 100 butterflies hanging from the ceiling of the library, and 200 butterflies on the walls and windows. BEAUTIFUL. There was a tshirt(shown below) on my chair, a basket FULL of butterfly "things" (pencils, notepads etc etc), butterfly placemats (one with a box of Kleenex with butterflies on it), a plant with a butterfly in it, butterfly headband (I promise I will wear it), a butterfly coffee cup (with a donation for my walk!)...OH! AND BUTTERFLY COOKIES for everyone on the staff made by our "RESIDENT" cookie maker, Dawn F....I'm not even sure if I "found" all the butterflies....all coordinated by Angie (one of our Kindergarten teachers who just HAPPENED to be a student at Greenmont when I was there 25 years ago!) and Mel, our pretty amazing secretary!!!!!

WOW. I was just SPEECHLESS. Then the teachers started coming in...ALL wearing the pink tshirt with the quote that I posted on Fort's birthday...with a BUTTERFLY in the middle of it, and IN MEMORY OF FORT at the bottom.

WOW.

I don't even know how to respond to such an outpouring of LOVE. Most of the people on this staff never even knew Melissa. (although Angie did-she went to Fairmont with her, and Mel COACHED Fort in basketball in Jr. High!). What they DO know is that I can NEVER stop talking about her, and if they stand at my counter in the library and let me talk, I will go on for, well, as long as they will stand there. And they also knew that butterflies remind me that Melissa is still around. So they all came together (EVERY class in the school made butterflies, including the Pre-School classes!!!)

WOW.

The Butterfly Effect IN ACTION. The impact this will make on the students (not to mention ME) will stay with me forever. Of course I had to change what I was going to do with all the classes this week - it's ALL about BUTTERFLIES this week.
PERFECT for the beginning of spring.

and it's not even my birthday...or ANYTHING. Just because.
I think I found the right place. Or it just found ME.
THANK YOU GREENMONT STAFF for this BEAUTIFUL display of caring! You have no idea how much it means to me...

Mel, Angie & Linda (Mel & Angie were the "culprits" here...and VERY GOOD AT IT!!!)

THE (amazing) staff...all wearing FORT shirts...

the shirt....

Congratulations Lady Firebirds!

2011-03-24T19:03:00.001-07:00

CONGRATULATIONS MAKAYLA WATERMAN!!!!!!

Each year (since 2009)at the Fairmont Basketball Banquet, there are five awards given to the Varsity team. This year the Sportsmanship Award went to Alona Skipper,
Most Improved-Kathyrn Westbeld, Coach's Award - Kelly Hart, Most Valuable Player- Chelsea Welch, and the Melissa Fortener McLaughlin B-Positive Spirit Award went to Makayla Waterman.

Makayla was a starter on this year's team as a Freshman. She was among the leaders in the GWOC in points, rebounds, steals and assists. More importantly (to us anyway) she had Melissa's B POSITIVE attitude! We love to watch her play and look forward to seeing the Firebirds next season!

Congratulations Makayla - (Fort would be happy!)

Donny, Makayla, Pam

Lady Firebird Basketball team...not only AWESOME basketball players - but BEAUTIFUL young women too!

Divistion 1 State Runner-up Trophy goes to the Lady Firebirds!

Jackie?

2011-03-22T19:53:00.001-07:00

I don't know if you are familiar with "ORBS"...but I'm pretty sure I have one in a photo I took today at school...and I'm PRETTY SURE it's Jackie...

Several years ago, Jackie and I (and other staff members) attended a Picture Book Read In (for a few years in a row). It was at Wright State University. We arrived around 8 a.m. and there were multiple copies of around 100 newly published picture books. You started reading around 8:30 and read until about 2 p.m. - as many of the books as you could read. It was awesome. Jackie LOVED the read ins. I started having them at Moraine Meadows for the entire school. Usually toward the end of the year after the reading incentive program.

SO. A couple of weeks ago I placed my order for the library at school. The order came in on Friday. My plan was to have a Picture Book Read In this week for all classes in the library (around 100 new books)...the kids loved it. I LOVE seeing them engrossed in a book. So I took a lot of pictures - over 60.

This picture was taken today. As soon as I took it, I saw the orb on the screen of the camera...I KNOW it was Jackie. It is RIGHT over the book - and I zoomed in to see if I could figure out which book he was reading - it's called MONSTERS EAT WHINY KIDS (Jackie would love it, I'm SURE).

I checked the lens, and NO OTHER PICTURE had this "spot" on it.

A friend of mine saw it tonight and said "Pam, Jackie knew you would KNOW it was HER!" (After we lost Melissa, we got LOTS of signs that Melissa is still around. Jackie knew about EVERY sign we got. I LOOK for signs. And when you look, you will find the signs!)

I believe. Do you????

Rest in Peace Jackie...

2011-03-20T15:14:00.000-07:00

Friday March 18, 2011. It was a day of the HIGHEST of HIGHS and the LOWEST of LOWS...Got to visit my dear friend Jackie in the hospital, talk to her before leaving for Columbus for the Lady Firebirds game in the Semi-finals of the State Basketball Tournament. It was an exciting game - and the Firebirds were victorious...we went out to celebrate after the game...only to receive of phone call of Jackie's passing....

Fort on her 30th birthday with the Moraine Meadows group - including Mike (Jackie's husband)Debbie, Carrie, Jackie & Missy...

Jackie and I met in August of 1991...we were hired on the same day, along with Josh, by Rusty Clifford.
There was an instant connection. I was the librarian,she was the Title 1 Reading teacher, and we BOTH LOVED reading. We were hooked. Plus, she had two kids, a girl (oldest) and boy. Just like me. Our girls were similar, both smart and athletes, and our boys were similar, smart and athletes...so we had a lot to talk about right from the beginning. And we found out many years later that we were on common ground POLITICALLY speaking (lets just say Fort got us both hooked on Rachel Maddow...)
As the years passed, Moraine Meadows became a true FAMILY. In the early years, several staff members would take personal days to go SWEATER shopping. Probably couldn't do that today, but hey, this was the 90s. (you know, TEACHER sweaters, like the ones in the pictures below...)

That evolved to "Mental Health Weekends". Overnights where we left right after school on Friday and came home Saturday afternoon. In the beginning, it was usually to Embassy Suites in Covington, and to Covington Landing. I remember leaving one Friday after school, we all piled into one car (or van) and the song "I DON'T WANT TO WORK, I WANT TO BANG ON THE DRUM ALL DAY" came on...Jackie LOVED it. Kind of became our theme song for awhile on Fridays. I can see Jackie singing and DANCING to that song even today...
We took several trips to "the BOAT" too...(Jackie wanted to get back to the BOAT too, she was excited because I was teaching her how to play the nickle slots...when we first went to the boat, Jackie -and Debbie, and Carrie- would get $5 worth of nickles and carry them around in a cup for two hours...and have $4.50 when we were ready to go. I remember Jackie screaming when she would win...15 cents...people would come around the corner to see who won and WHAT they won...we laughed so hard..
Eventually, one night overnight was not enough. Our first big vacation was to Hilton Head - me, Jackie, Debbie, Sharon K and Sally (RIP). For ten days. Then Josh and Rodney wanted to go on a "real" vacation. Always right after school was out at the end of the year. Actually Debbie planned the first one - we went to Gatlinburg.
Then we went to Jamestown and Williamsburg. (If Rodney was planning it, it was educational - one year he even had FOLDERS for all of us with information about our destination...we were all worried that we were going to be tested at the end of the week....)That vacation was hotter than H*LL. We did the tour of the battlefields IN THE VAN...never got out - LAUGHED and LAUGHED ... we did that alot.

The last trip we took together was to Cape Cod. It was all planned by Sept 2008. There were 7 of us going. Then Melissa went into the hospital, then Hospice.
Then she was gone. And I was in NO shape to do anything. Much less go on a vacation- even six months later. So I told them to get someone to go in my place. But they wouldn't. They said "you can decide the day before" and that's EXACTLY when I decided to go.
BEST VACATION EVER. I am SO glad I went (because it was the last vacation Jackie went on with us)...we rented a van, drove to Hyannis Port the first day. Went to Martha's Vineyard from there, then on to Provincetown. During the week we went to the beach for a day, whale watching, Boston, and Salem. A lot in a weeks time, but FUN FUN FUN.

It was not long after we got back that Jackie was diagnosed with Uterine cancer.
She fought it CONSTANTLY for a year and a half. No breaks in treatment. She reminded me a lot of FORT. ALWAYS positive, always ready to try whatever it was going to take to BEAT THIS F*ing disease.

She continued to enjoy life - even after the closing of Moraine Meadows - and packing up her classroom and moving to Southdale. I remember going over the week before school started to see her classroom ... Mike was helping her get the room ready for the first day of school.

She went back - I'm guessing for about a week or two, before deciding that it was taking too much out of her. So she worked half days for awhile, before deciding that if she was going to get better, she needed to focus on her HEALTH and not on work.

Like Fort, there were good days and not so good days. But she NEVER complained. Ever.

In November, she was going through a rough time, and her daughter was able to come home from Japan to visit for a month - I'm pretty sure it was a pretty good Christmas for ALL of them. Jackie was happy and the new chemo was making her feel better.
But as you know chemo works for awhile, then (it seems like) your body stops responding, so they find something new. And that only works for awhile....

Last weekend, Jackie went into the hospital to be hydrated and get fluids taken out of her abdomen (one of MANY times)...and was prepared to spend the night then come home on Monday. I stopped by to see her on Monday because she hadn't gone home yet - she ended up spending the night...for a week. Then to Hospice on Friday.

She was an INCREDIBLE woman. She loved LIFE. It showed in her family, her work, her friends. EVERYBODY loved Jackie. She had a laugh (ok giggle) that was infectious. She was understanding - she was there for me before I lost Melissa and AFTER I lost Melissa.

In fact, she was diagnosed just 9 months after Melissa passed away. I couldn't do much. After taking care of Melissa, I was lost without her. I could help Jackie with HER journey with cancer. I helped her, but OH she probably had no IDEA how much she helped ME.

She was a TRUE blessing in my life. She treated me as an equal (little known fact about me...I've always been a little self concious - maybe even intimidated by the fact that I don't have a college degree) but Jackie ALWAYS called me a TEACHER.
In fact, when I went to see her in the hospital the other day, she introduced me to the nurse - she said "I was teaching second grade. Pam is still teaching"...
Not sure if she ever knew how much THAT meant to me.

As difficult as it was to say goodbye, I KNOW in my heart that Melissa was waiting for Jackie - and took her on the GRAND TOUR of heaven. Melissa loved Jackie as much as I loved Jackie. And Jackie loved Melissa too. I have to find comfort in that...

Rest in Peace Jackie, until we meet again....

A few (maybe several) years ago, after Jackie & I figured out how to use email (ok...we were computer illiterate for awhile)...she bought me a frame that says
www.friends.com - these are some of the photos I found in the frame - now sits above the computer. I get to look at her whenever I'm on the computer now...I love it...

Every year fifth graders at Moraine Meadows put their handprints on the wall around the gym...for some reason, Jackie never got hers up there, but made sure it was there before leaving for the final time...

Closing up Moraine Meadows after 20 years...teacher, secretary WHATEVER it took, Jackie could take care of it!

Mrs. Geary having fun with her class!

Pam, Jackie, Carrie, Debbie & Sharon in the loft in Jackie's room-mid to late 90s...

Me, Jackie and her class in the library - we were a little younger then....

Mardi Gras @ Moraine Meadows - Every year I planned a Reading Incentive Program...this was Reading Across America. We started at the Statue of Liberty and worked our way around the United States, learning about different cities. One of our "stops" was New Orleans, I planned it so we would be "in" New Orleans on Fat Tuesday - and all the students who read enough "miles" (minutes) got to go to the Mardi Gras - Jackie LOVED the Reading Incentive Programs - (I think all the teachers did!) - anything to get the kids excited about reading. She was a truc inspiration to me and 100s of kids at Moraine Meadows over the 20 years we were there...
I am in the back row on the left - Jackie is middle bottom row (in the purple sweater) During the Mardi Gras, Jackie pushed ANOTHER teacher (Mary Miller) around on a cart and Mary threw "READING" beads to the kids. The kids ALWAYS had fun at Moraine Meadows and learned a lot at the same time!

Josh, Pam, Jackie, Rodney...if Jackie was up to it, we were out to breakfast, lunch, WHATEVER!

Here's to YOU Jackie! I love you and miss you and KNOW you are celebrating with Melissa! Hope you gave her a hug for me....

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CONGRATULATIONS on a GREAT SEASON FIREBIRDS!!!!!

Fort's alma matre, Lady FAIRMONT FIREBIRDS in the State Semi-finals
Friday, March 18.
Beat Toledo Start 59-50.
Played Twinsburg in the State Finals Saturday March 19....lose 55-42.

HOWEVER...it was a close game until the final quarter. Fairmont got into foul trouble, and Twinsburg didn't miss a foul shot.
WE ARE SO PROUD of these girls. They started one senior, two sophomores, two freshman, and a bench FULL of freshmen! They had an incredible season 26-2, the second loss coming in the State finals.
THEY WILL BE BACK NEXT YEAR...count on it!
Fort would be SO proud of them...

the fans prepare for the game...

Luke aka THE FIREBIRD HULK (ok, there are lots of pictures of Luke...I watch him after school a couple of nights a week - he's like one of my grandsons - even calls me Pam-ma!)

Luke loves Kelly....EVERYBODY loves Kelly!

WILD and CRAZY Firebird fans!

Kelly Hart on the BIG SCREEN at Value City Arena!

Brutus the Buckeye loves the FIREBIRDS!

Kara & Kelly - Kelly LOVES her fans!

This is Chelsea Welch, Fairmont's point guard (just voted FIRST TEAM ALL AREA, along with Kathryn Westbeld-freshman and Makayla Waterman-freshman)! Chelsea & her sister both went to Moraine Meadows! (ok, Chelsea just went in Kindergarten, but she went there!)...we had our picture with her because she'll be playing somewhere big after she graduates (she's a sophomore!)and after we get her autograph on the picture it will be REALLY valuable!

This is the LONE senior - Kelly Hart. I can't say ENOUGH about this girl. Not only was she a great basketball player, she is an incredible young women...kind, friendly, smart....EVERYONE loves Kelly.

***************************************************************************

PERSPECTIVE

We stayed in Columbus Friday and Saturday night during the girls State Basketball Tournament. On Sunday morning, we were having breakfast in the hotel lobby. Sitting next to us was a man with two little girls (one was his daughter, the other her friend). They were having a blast - he was teasing them, they were laughing...their table was pretty close to ours and it was hard not to hear their conversation. I said "You are having WAY too much fun". He said something about having fun like this all the time...then he asked us "Do you have a little girl?" Donny and I both got teary eyed and told he "we used to"....we told him a little about Melissa and he told us his daughter was diagnosed with lukemia when she was just over a year old (she is 9 now).
Kind of put things into perspective for us after the emotional weekend. The girls lost a big game and more importantly, I lost a dear friend. We need to remember what is REALLY important, that today is just a blip on the radar...we should enjoy EVERY moment that we have...
Oh...and in memory of my friend Jackie, read a book or two to your kids tonight...and EVERY night!!!!

7 years ago today....

2011-03-12T07:58:00.000-08:00

Friday, March 12, 2004. Melissa & John were married.
Another of the HAPPIEST days of our life...
(When your KIDS are happy, YOU are happy)

Hard to believe it was seven years ago...

Harry (best man) and Fort & JMac

After the ceremony (which was in City Hall in Blue Ash) they had some fun with pictures. In Fort's scrapbook, her caption on this one is
YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH (from a Few Good Men)

Tracy, Stacy, the Bride and Angie (Maid of Honor)

Even though the wedding was low key, we did the traditional cutting of the cake, and the garter...and of course HARRY caught the garter, but Fort was having some fun with it...

Honeymoon chauffeur...Casey James with Fort (going to Savannah for the big Rugby Tournament and to celebrate not only their honeymoon, but St. Patty's Day!)

In the car ready to go on their honeymoon - whooping it up...

*********************************************************************************
CONGRATULATIONS FAIRMONT LADY FIREBIRDS!!!!

FORT would be in HEAVEN....oh...she IS in heaven. If she were HERE she would be in heaven...and I'm pretty sure she was there for the game last night. I didn't go (came home sicker than a dog from work) but Donny did. He called me several times to update, and kept me on the phone for the last 41 seconds with a play by play. It was awesome. We have been faithful followers of the Firebirds ever since Melissa played - way back in the 90s. She LOVED the Firebirds. So we don't stop going. With 5 freshman, 3 sophomores and only losing one senior - I see a some great years ahead.

FAIRMONT WINS REGIONAL FINALS!!!! Fairmont 55 Springboro 51
Chelsea Welch (sophomore) & Kelly Hart (the LONE Senior) celebrate!
Going to Columbus for the State FINALS Friday. They will play Toledo Start in the Semi-finals!
(this photo is from the Dayton Daily News - taken by Ron Alvey)

Head Coach - Tim Cogan, after District Finals WIN!

After winning District Finals in Harrison.
Kelly Hart,far left, LONE senior, Mikayla Waterman (freshman) Kathryn Westbeld (fr)Chelsea Welch (soph) Devin Farley (soph) Alonna Skipper (soph)-INCREDIBLE 3 pt shooter!

Nick was a sophomore, Fort a Senior in their Fairmont Basketball jerseys.
The love of Fairmont basketball started here...

*************************************************************
Have to close with a CUTE picture of Max...Fort would...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NICK!!!!

2011-03-03T08:01:00.001-08:00

Ok. Here we go...you know the routine. On my kids birthdays, I always tell them the story of "the day you were born"...now YOU get to hear it too!

March 3, 1980
Actually, this story begins a few days earlier. February 29, 1980. I thought I was in labor, so we went to the hospital, spent the day walking the hallways trying to get my labor going - to no avail. I thought it would be kind of neat having a Leap Year baby..although NOW I know that Nick would have HATED that. He LOVES his birthday! He would have HATED waiting to celebrate his "real" birthday every four years...so it was NOT meant to be.
Three days later, my water broke in the morning - went to the doctor and he sent me home waiting for contractions to start. Donny got home from work, we had dinner and while we were eating they started. About 10 minutes apart. I told him it was time to go - so we got Melissa ready and as we walked out the door, my friend Nancy showed up delivering our Girl Scout Cookies (her wedding anniversary was that day).
We got in the car, headed to Jean (Donny's sisters) & Steve's to drop Melissa off.
After we dropped her off and started heading to the hospital, Donnys says
"Should we take Wayne Avenue, or should we take the highway??"
I said "I DON"T CARE HOW YOU GET ME THERE, MY CONTRACTIONS ARE 5 MINUTES APART. JUST GET ME THERE!"
And of course in those days, you didn't know ahead of time if you were having a boy or a girl - so we were excited to find that out too.
Arrived at the hospital at 7:36 (we have the receipt from the parking lot to prove it!) Nick was born at 8:47 p.m.! Easiest labor ever. Got my FIRST roses too.
He was a beautiful baby, and a mama's boy from DAY 1. (He'll tell you that today too!) Our family was complete. It was the third happiest day of my life!
(Wedding/Melissa/Nick in NO particular order!)

Drew helping his daddy blow out ALL the candles on his cake (as Drew started blowing out the candles, a HUGE stream of slobber came out of his mouth...finally convinced John that I gave him a piece from the OTHER side of the cake!)

As of yesterday, my youngest will always be older than my oldest. (Melissa never made it to 31...) Kind of weird, huh?

**********************************************************************
These are some of my favorite pictures of Nick & Melissa together....you'd think they really LOVED each other. That's why I love these photos...it wasn't ALWAYS like this....

Awww...look how happy they all are!

Having fun under the tv stand!

This photo? Melissa looks A LOT like Drew and Nick looks like Max!!!

In our backyard on Meriline...

\
With my birthday present...BANDIT.

Sitting on the Ferris Wheel...TOGETHER...(I think at Kings Island)

Coloring Easter eggs with dad...

Relaxing at my cousins (Sharon & Jims)

I think Nick was in 6th, she was in 8th grade...this is the "Millenium Falcon" haircut that she hated...

Christmas - high school (I think Nick's freshman, her junior year)

This photo was taken at Indian Lake - I think right after she was diagnosed...

This was taken at Mere's brother's wedding...6 months before Fort passed away...hard to believe she looked THAT good (NICK too :o)

*****************************************************************************
Donny...POST-surgery

Yesterday Donny was scheduled for a "routine" shoulder surgery. Repairing some torn tendons/ruptured tendons to his rotator cuff. It was ANYTHING but routine...Surgery was supposed to be about an hour. Started at 1:30. Doc came out about 3:30 - with a grave look on his face. When I asked how it went- "Not good. Oh, the shoulder is repaired (and he gave me all the medical terms which I didn't understand), but we had a really difficult time intubating him. It took longer to intubate him than it took to do the surgery. One Anesthesiologist and two Anesthetists...we had to start the surgery over 3 times. And his blood pressure went up to 200/128. His blood pressure was all over the place".
He was out of surgery at 3:15, I didn't get to see him until 6:30. He was having trouble breathing when he got out of surgery, so he was on oxygen for about 4 hours.
Thought he might be spending the night at the hosptial. Around 8:30, he was able to eat some pudding and take a pain pill, so they got him ready to go home.
Called Nick to get some pudding/jello/ice cream and he was waiting for us when we got home and got Donny into the house.
Funny story to end this saga...
he was up about every two hours last night (either to pee or get his pain meds) He is wearing this "contraption"- a sling - it has a place for this rubber ball that will be part of this therapy. WELL. He was peeing and I left him alone for a minute, came back to see if he was ok and the ball was in the sink. He said
"Can you rinse that off? I need to work on my ball handling skills..." it obviously fell in the toilet...(being the running backs coach he preaches that EVERY day..) STILL has a sense of humor even with all the pain - just like Fort!

*****************************************************************************
My new FB friend, Steve Murray, sent me a correction to my post about our visit to Jacksonville (I asked for more info about the coin he gave dad):

"Hey Pam! yeah, we need to get the story on the blog straight! LOL You met a few medics from USS BUSH, but I'm a Command Master Chief at HSC-9, a helicopter squadron that's embarked on BUSH for cruise later this year. The coin I gave Irv is my CMC Chief Petty Officer coin and it's from my command. As Chiefs, we give these away RARELY, but of course, Irv was an exception! I hope all is well with you and the family. I know it was fate meeting y'all and my kids LOVE their bracelets! Please keep us posted on you and Fort's blog!"
Thanks Steve for getting the correct information to me! (OH, and for those of you who don't know, my brother Steve passed away in 1975...so meeting THIS Steve kind of had a special meaning...PLUS getting the coin was a bonus!)

***********************************************************************

Fort & Nick's cousin Ryan Adams signing party...(he signed with SE Louisana University-will be there kick-off and long field goal kicker!

Max, Ryan & Drew

I don't know about YOU, but I think Drew looks like Fort when she was his age...

13.1 for FORT!

2011-02-15T09:42:00.000-08:00

Dear Melissa,
I'm doing it again...ANOTHER half marathon. For YOU. (registered a month ago, which didn't give me much time to train...hmmmm...sound familiar? But I KNOW you would be proud of me anyway...)
I will NEVER stop working to raise AWARENESS or $$$$ for Breast Cancer Research. I hope that in my lifetime a cure is found for Breast Cancer. If not a cure, a way that people can live with it for a long time. My hope is that NO OTHER MOTHER will have to bury her daughter.
I love you and miss you EVERY SINGLE DAY.
Mom xoxoxxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxxo

~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~

Drew & Poppop try to clear the walks so Pam-ma can train...but it wouldn't stop snowing...(excuses excuses....)

A pretty good size branch broke out of our tree from the ice storm, our power was out for THREE DAYS...how could I possibly think about TRAINING????? (Ok, that happened the week before the marathon...I'm just sayin'.......

The two photos below were basically my "training" for this half marathon...you've already heard my excuses...too much snow, too much ice...blah blah blah.....
WELL. I TRULY believe that ANYONE can do a half marathon..if you are in decent shape- do SOME kind of exercise...you can do a half marathon. If you recall, when I did my FIRST 3 day walk, Melissa called me just a couple of days BEFORE the walk -
"MOM. The Kelts raised enough money - YOU can do the walk WITH me!"...
And I DID NOT THINK I could walk 60 miles in 3 days. But I did. (I guess walking 4 miles a day in the summer was enough training...) So for the half marathon...I did it too. WITHOUT a lot of training. But I will tell you now that I HIGHLY recommend doing SOME training. I am in a little more pain this time and I think if I had done a little training, it wouldn't be this bad. (Couldn't POSSIBLY be because I'm getting older, could it????)

on the treadmill in the hotel ON THE WAY to Jacksonville...(this will help, won't it?) And of course a beer with Jen will REALLY help...

FRIDAY, February 11, 2011

My dad drove up from Melbourne to Jacksonville to visit for a night. The FIRST thing he and Donny did was compare their injuries...Dad fell (again) in church and Donny has a ruptured tendon (shoulder surgery coming up soon)...

Getting ready for the race...Here's to YOU FORT!!!

Barb, Donny & Jen...Donny looks pretty happy here...hmmmmm....must be the beverage...

Irv (grandpa) & Steve make a trade...dad gets a coin, Steve gets a bracelet.
(There is more to this story...while Jen, Barb, Donny & I were in the hot tub, dad stayed in the room - it was WAY to cold for him. When we went back to the room around 9 - he said "are we going out tonight?" WHA??????? I'm too tired (after driving all day yesterday) and he wants to go out? So Jen suggested we go to the Lounge in the hotel. PERFECT. While we were there, Barb made friends with some sailors who were in port in Jacksonville for the weekend (I think they were all medics on the aircraft carrier George H.W. Bush). When they found out dad was a Navy man (he was on the Aircraft Carrier The Midway 1950-53)...they were all about HIM. It was awesome. He was in heaven...and ended up with a coin from the Commanding Officer!!!)

The coin...

Saturday, February 23, 2011

The sunrise view from our window Saturday morning...we had a GREAT travel agent...
JEN.

Barb, Jen, Donny, Sharon, Irv (Fort's grandpa), Pam after breakfast...getting ready for a busy day!

On our way to the Expo..with a good view of the shirt!

We are running (or walking) in the Donna Marathon. This is me with Donna. (by the way, I was really hoping to see Donna wearing the FORT bracelet I gave her at the Expo. Jen ran by her and didn't see it...so Donna - if you are reading...I hope you didn't LOSE it!)

Team B Positive at the Expo...(missing from picture - Brenda & Stephanie)

The had several walls to sign for the "Memorial Mile" on the beach...left a message for Fort...

Had to get a picture of all the different FORT shirts... I love it!

Sunday, February 13, 2001 - RACE DAY!

I have three layers on and adding another...
it started out a VERY cold morning @ 5 a.m.!

my "STUFF" is ready to go...food, water, camera, phone, FORT cards and bracelets.
I'm ready.

10,000 people waiting to get started. 7:30 a.m. Sunday morning. It was around 35degrees. 10,000 people ALL with a breast cancer story. AMAZING.

Jen, Sharon and I all carried rugby balls this year...ok...they were MINI rugby balls, but we carried them - for FORT. She would have approved...

Donny & Barb greet us on the beach!

This sign said "BEER for the BRAVE"...a BEER STOP. So I had to stop and have one for Fort...

Here's to FORT! (@ the 8 mile mark)

I don't know if this guy did the FULL or half marathon...but either way, he ran in a suit AND a mask and I was impressed!

This photo was on the bridge - we were almost to the 10 mile mark - LOTS OF GREETERS on the bridge, and the BEST sign (especially for the end of the race)... CANCER CAN KISS MY TIRED @SS!

ALMOST there.....

This is one of my FAVORITE stories from this weekend...after I texted the "toast to Fort" picture @ mile 8 to some of her rugby friends - one of them (KAT)forwarded it on to HER friend who was ALSO in the marathon! When I crossed the finish line, first we saw Jen & Barb, THEN I heard someone yelling "PAM!" I looked over and she was yelling at ME. I looked around and said "ME?????" So I went over - it was "T" - she was a former teammate of Fort's on the Kelts!!!!! It was amazing. THANKS T for finding me (I know the SAFETY YELLOW shirts helped!)...I loved meeting you!

After the race...BALLS, BABES & BEVERAGES

Made lots of new friends in the runners village ... Jen was NOT too happy about the placement of HER rugby ball for this picture...

Met the Jacksonville Women's Rugby team in the Runners Village after the race - HAD to get a picture with THEM!

We gave out LOTS of FORT bracelets this weekend. This is part of TEAM B POSITIVE for the Atlanta 3 Day (Jen somehow talked them into registering while we were having lunch...and they DID!) New team members - Melissa, Maria, Katie & Amanda! WOOHOO!

A tradition - a dip in the ocean after finishing the race...Melissa (Jen's friend who was visiting - now a member of Team B Positive for the Atlanta 3 Day!), Jen, Sharon & Pam

Jen's tradition of getting in the water means REALLY getting in the water...she dove in right after this picture! GREAT way to end an amazing weekend.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We had a slight change in plans for the trip home. A fraternity brother and good friend of Donny's lost his 28 year old daughter, Courtney, to Ovarian cancer. We got the text on the way to Jacksonville. (Interesting side note - a few minutes after reading the text, the song "Only the Good Die Young" came on the radio!) Fort is ALWAYS sending us songs...and I KNOW she was the to greet Courtney. Courtney was a LOT like Fort - she was an excellent athlete and fought cancer until the VERY end. We never had the pleasure of meeting her - but heard a lot of great stories, mostly about her battle. Fort has ANOTHER friend in heaven....

WELCOME!!!!!

2011-02-12T07:11:00.000-08:00

If you are reading this blog for the first time (and I'm HOPING there are lots of new readers after this weekend)...PLEASE go to www.fortscancersux1.blogspot.com
That is where Melissa STARTED the blog - and you want to read what SHE wrote. You can also look down the right side of THIS page and go to the archives. Anything before Jan 2009, MELISSA wrote. Her last post was Christmas Eve, a week before she passed away. She left you thinking she was going back to work... She will make you laugh out loud. She was an AWESOME writer...I just took over where she left off. But please read HER writing...thanks for reading. It means a lot to me. -
Pam (Fort's mom)

Grandchildren are more fun than children because...

2011-02-01T09:22:00.000-08:00

...before I go there, I need to precede THAT story with a couple of stories about Melissa. Because all mom's have a story to tell. Something that our kids said or did that we hope NO ONE ever finds out. Then WE tell the story...

(NOTE – these are TRUE stories. How could you make up something like THIS?)

When Melissa was in pre-school, believe it or not, there were parent-teacher conferences.(I always thought it was more like day care/fun time. But NO....) She was probably four years old at the time. At the end of the conference, I made a comment something like “I'll bet kids this age tell lots of stories. Has Melissa ever said anything funny?”...Her teacher's response was “I was hoping you wouldn't ask”. I should have excused myself at that point. But again, NO, I had to hear what she had to say. I guess during class one day Melissa told her teacher that “My dad takes pictures of my mom with no clothes on...” and wouldn't stop talking. You can IMAGINE my embarrassment...no matter WHAT I said, I was guilty (even though it WASN'T true)...if I denied it, I looked guilty, if I admitted it I was guilty. Where in the WORLD would she come up with a story like that? Needless to say, I laughed all the way home, and called Donny as soon as I got home. (Of course he had to tell the story at work, and whenever I would call, whoever would answer would ask “do you have your clothes on?”...HA HA. We never COULD figure out where she got THAT idea....

Story #2 – It was Father's Day, and of course on Father's Day, dad's play golf. So Donny was up and out early. I was working on a cross-stitch for MY dad for Father's Day. Some really nice poem called “What Makes a Dad”. Well, I had about an hours worth of work left to do on it, and I had a 3 year old and one year old running around the house getting into everything. A little stressful. Got a little upset, yelled at the kids and got THEM upset. But I wasn't mad at THEM, I was mad at their dad for playing golf when I had something I needed to do (even though it was Father's Day...)Then I felt guilty. So I sat down, hugged them both, and crying said “I'm sorry. I'm not mad at YOU. I'm mad at your DAD. You know, we're going to get an apartment, just me, you and Nick. Your dad is never here anyway...blah blah blah.....”.
Fast forward to the end of that day. We go to Donny's parent's for a cookout for Father's Day. The whole family (all seven brothers and sisters and his mom and dad) are sitting in the living room, talking, lot's of noise....THEN Melissa runs up to Donny and says “guess what dad? Me and mom and Nick are getting an apartment!” Of course all talking in the room STOPS and everyone looks at ME. Donny says “What is she talking about????” My response? “I don't know....”

The moral to the story? I learned to NEVER say anything in front of Melissa that I didn't want repeated! (Her aunt used to take her shopping for Christmas, and before they would go, she would call all her sisters and say “Hey, I'm taking Melissa shopping, anyone want to go?” because they LOVED to hear Melissa's stories. It never changed, did it?

OK. Now that you know that I wasn't a perfect parent, I can tell my story about my grandchildren...

Nick called one day last week around 5. “Mom, can you go help Mere. She is really sick and can't take care of the kids.” I told him to tell Mere to leave the front door unlocked and I would be right over.

When I walked in the door, Mere was laying on the couch moaning. (She had the flu AND strep throat...VERY sick)...she went right to bed. The boys? They were running around, having a GREAT TIME....without a stitch of clothes on...(both of them!).

Drew ran into the kitchen and said “Look Pamma, I'm doing the dishes for mommy”.
Of course it was a nice thing to be doing for his sick mommy, but I needed to get clothes on both them. That was my first course of action....

In the kitchen, there were remnants of McDonalds on the counter. I wasn't sure HOW long they had been there, but probably since the morning, so I threw it all in the trash. Then I filled up the sink and proceeded to do the dishes. I heard something behind me, turned around, and MAX WAS EATING OUT OF THE TRASH!
NOOOOOOOOOOO!

He had what was left of a McDonald's hamburger in his hand chomping away....with a BIG smile on his face. Like – what's wrong Pamma?

When Nick got home, I shared the story with him. He said “Can you imagine if Children's Services would have walked in on that scene?” I said “Mere would have said TAKE THEM.” She was THAT sick....and if you are a mom, you've been THERE.

Now I want you to know that I did ASK Mere if it was ok to put this on the blog – and she was laughing and said “I don't care.”

Fort would have just POSTED IT. Thank goodness this family has a sense of humor....

Have a good day...indoors if you are in the midwest. The ice storm cometh, and snow is on the way! I am SO ready for spring....

(OH - to answer the questions why are grandchildren more fun than children? Because you realize that in the big picture, some things are just plain funny. So you laugh a lot more and take a lot of things less seriously. Grandchildren are the BEST MEDICINE in the world!)

and the MELISSA "FORT" McLAUGHLIN Keltic Pride Award goes to...

2011-01-26T17:44:00.001-08:00

NETTI!!!!!! Congratulations Netti -
WELL DESERVED (and Fort would love it!)

just had to add a few pics of Fort with her rugby friends (this is one of my favorites...recognize the green jacket?

Both pictures are on my refrigerator - I LOVE these pictures - she was always so happy with her rugby friends!

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Team B Positive will be participating in the Donna Breast Cancer Marathon on Sunday, February 13!

Then preparing for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk in Atlanta (same one Melissa, Shannon, Julie and I did in 2007). With Melissa, our team name was "The SEVEN BOOBS", we are now officially Team B Positive (Pam, Sharon, Julie, Jen, Angie, Annie and Emily...so far). If you are interested in joining us in the walk OR joining us in Atlanta to cheer us on, let me know, it is an INCREDIBLE weekend. Will get you the info. We are tentatively meeting on Sunday Feb 20 to start getting dates on the calendar for fundraisers. Will post dates when we have them!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
....and speaking of Susan G. Komen, I have officially submitted my application/video for consideration for the National Spokesperson for the 2011 3 Day Walks. Kind of hard to tell what they are looking for...(a professional public speaker?)...haven't been able to sleep since I submitted it. Why would I be the PERFECT candidate for this position???? My brain hasn't stopped answering that question - there are SO many things I want to share about her and her fight with breast cancer. She NEVER thought it would win. I feel like this is my opportunity to continue her legacy and her battle. I want to see a cure in MY LIFETIME. It's interesting...even after TWO YEARS, there are some things I am just not ready to do (parties). UNLESS it has something to do with Melissa (or a Breast Cancer function!). Somehow I can escape my comfort zone when I can talk about her. It's so easy. Just the thought of travelling around the country and not only sharing HER story, but hearing others stories (EVERYONE has a story at these walks - every single person that walks has been affected by breast cancer - a loved one, a friend, a co-worker. I am not alone. Melissa was not alone. It doesn't make it easier, it just MOTIVATES me to do something to help bring and end to this devastating disease. I don't NEED this job.
I WANT this job. FORT would want it - SHE would be the PERFECT candidate actually.
So I'm doing it for her. In any event - TEAM B POSITIVE is ready to begin the journey for 2011 - LET THE FUNDRAISING BEGIN!

109 Years of Greatness...Mother/Daughter Weekend

2011-01-16T09:27:00.000-08:00

And of course...BUTTERFLIES!

Fort and her friends...(Thanks Stacy!)

(Not only did Stacy share photos of Fort, she took some incredible photos of butterflies! I had to share those too!)

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In January 2008, Melissa & Stacy turned 30, Pauly turned 40. Not sure WHOSE idea it was, but they decided to celebrate ONE HUNDRED YEARS OF GREATNESS. (no humility with THOSE three!) And so it began. Every year, the second weekend in January (except 2009), they have celebrated - starting again in 2010 - ONE HUNDRED SIX YEARS OF GREATNESS and this year ONE HUNDRED NINE YEARS of GREATNESS. And they ALWAYS include FORT, and they always include us. She has the most incredible friends.
Last year, Stacy put together a CD, a mix of songs that she thought Fort would like(if you read Melissa's profile on the blog, she says that she LOVES Stacy's mixes.)
So Stacy continues. She told me last year after giving me the CD that she would tell me why she chose each song. I got THAT this year. It's several pages long with a paragraph about each song and why she chose it and why it reminded her of Fort.
I'll share a few here (hope you don't mind Stacy!):

Outloud-Dispatch

Would you be the wind to blow me home
Would you be a dream
On the wings of a poem
And if we were walking through a crowd
Well you know I'd be proud

"Fort always said that she loved my mix tapes that I made her in college because I always had artists that weren't common. I always remembered that and when I made her mixes, I would make sure that ev ery song was one that she had never heard of. I found this artist randomly a few months after she passed. I started a list called "Songs Fort Would Like", and every time I heard a song that I liked and thought she would like too, I would add it to the list. Most of the songs on this CD were from that list". (OH-I received ANOTHER CD of songs from Stacy this year - this one is called "II" - the first CD was called "ONE YEAR LATER")

Closer I am to Fine - Indigo Girls
(I KNOW she loved this song - it was always playing in her car!)

I'm trying to tell you something 'bout my life
Maybe give me insight between black and white
The best thing that you've ever done for me
Is to help me take my life less seriously; its only life after all
(boy do the words in THIS song fit Melissa!...listen to it sometime!)

"As with all rugby teams, Thursday night is the official kick-off to the weekend and every Thursday night started with a party that is simply known as "beers'. Throughout the season, the party would rotate between houses of the girls and boys team. At the end of the rugby season our junior year, everyone was sick of hosting the weekly party so we decided that we would hold "beers" at The Greenery. The Greenery was a local hot-spot for underage kids who could easily buy quarter draft beers, over consume on aforementioned beerws and make-out with random co-eds on the packed dance floor (editorial comment: I decline to comment as to whether Fort or I spent any time there our freshman or sophomore year). That particular Thursday night, The Greenery featured karaoke - bad idea for a bunch of drunken ruggers who had little to no shame when it came to embarrassing themselves. We spent the entire evening switching turns at the microphone, performing duets and even slow-dancing to our friends horrible renditions of slow songs, including "Islands in the Stream" performed by Fort & Julie. My most favorite memory of that night was watching Fort & Casey karaoke to this song by the Indigo Girls. The irony is that very few ruggers-nay, males in general-would ever admit to listening to Indigo Girls, let alone know a song well enough to karaoke. Casey broke that mold, I suppose. But watching the two of them sing will always flash in my head when I hear it!"

WELL. So Fort had a lot more fun than I THOUGHT at OU....I LOVE to hear these stories. I love the pictures. So many memories - I have all the time in the world to listen if you want to share. Thanks Stacy, for the CD, them memories and for being such a good friend to Fort. I know she loved you.

*******************
Just found this photo a couple of days ago. I'm pretty sure it was taken on our last Mother/Daughter weekend together. Went every year with all my friends from high school and THEIR daughters. Always the weekend of the Martin Luther King holiday (so we would all have a day to recouperate). I LOVE this picture of Melissa - she is SO beautiful and looks SO HEALTHY in this picture. I still don't understand....

*******************
Fort & Stacy (taken at the Chili Cook Off 2007)Stacy said "I can't remember who had my camera, but we took like 10 shots before we both agreed that we liked this one!"

(Athens 2007) Stacy says "Jami and Fort deep in conversation. I have a feeling that Fort was starting the conversation with "you know"...(she must have done that alot!)

"The Girls" Stacy, Alisa & Fort (St. Patty's Day 2007) "Old" friends from OU!

"My kids first friend!" (Stacy said Melissa always said she wanted to be her kids first friend - and of course had to get her picture with them to prove it!)

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I don't know about you, but I'm already ready for spring. But Drew loves to get outside and help shovel snow. I need sunshine...

Drew & PopPop working hard!

Drew & PopPop taking a break from shovelling snow!

Mmmmmmmm...Hot(warm) chocolate after shoveling snow..NOTHING better!

Drew & Max (put them on a chair together, give them FOOD, they will actually sit still for a couple of seconds for a picture!)

******************

*******************
Well, just a note about the 2011 3 Day Walk in Altanta. Our team has been established - we are officially TEAM B POSITIVE. So far our team consists of me,Sharon,Angie, Julie (who is Shannon's sister and walked with me, Melissa & Shannon in 2007). Maybe Annie (Melissa's roommate from OU sophomore year) and maybe Jen (who is already running her SECOND marathon for Fort in February in Jacksonville!).
So this week, Susan G. Komen sends out what is probably a mass email, and I'm guessing to everyone who has registered for a walk in 2011 (in one of the 14 cities around the U.S.) They are looking for a NATIONAL SPOKESPERSON. Donny immediately looked at me and said "you should do this". Then we got an email from John M (John's dad) he responded to the email that I should do it too.
So I looked at the online application. I'm not qualified in the respect that I am NOT a PUBLIC SPEAKER. I'm pretty sure those are the most important questions in the survey. But what could be more important than LIVING it? I have "public speaking" experience. I'm a public speaker EVERY day, just to a much younger audience.
But I have a PASSION about this - and I don't know about YOU, but if I am passionate about something, I have NO PROBLEM talking about it. Speaking at the Opening and Closing Ceremonies would be scripted. Talking to Media would not, but they include training with information that needs to be shared.
I think the PERFECT person for this position would be MELISSA. But she is not here so I want to do it for HER.
Have to submit ANOTHER video to YOUTUBE (not public this time, just so they can access it)...have that set up for Thursday. I'm a little nervous - but it's about MELISSA. If it's about my daughter, I can do anything. If I get a call, I would be ECSTATIC. If I don't, I'm still registered to walk in Atlanta, and will continue to do what I can to raise AWARENESS and $$ to find a cure for this horrible disease.
Wish me luck....

Happy Birthday Melissa (FORT)!!!!!

2011-01-05T06:10:00.000-08:00

This photo was taken right before we walked out the door to go to the hospital...we had NO idea if we were having a boy or a girl - and NO idea what our future held...
(here we go...tradition in my family - tell the story of the day you were born -
so I have to do it every year on January 5 AND March 3!)
It was around 5 a.m. when I felt a contraction. Decided it was FINALLY time (went to Ryan's on New Years Eve and did a lot of walking, hoping for a baby BEFORE midnight, but to no avail!). When we left, it was earily WARM. No snow on the ground. A beautiful, WARM January morning. When we got the hospital, they said it might be awhile, and we had a deck of cards to keep us busy while we waited. It was an EASY labor, actually. Hard labor for maybe half an hour...then there she was,
a BEAUTIFUL dark haired, 7lbs. 5 oz. baby GIRL. 1:19 p.m. she arrived. (always had to tell her it was right in the middle of ALL MY CHILDREN...she laughed at that!)...
January 5, 1978. In those days, they actually let you stay at the hospital for a couple of days. In those couple of days, it started snowing...A LOT. And when the day finally came to take her home...our car wouldn't start. So we called in Uncle George (Rick K). He brought Donny to the hospital, I sat in the front seat with Melissa in my arms (no car seats required in THOSE olden days)...and our first stop was by the Fortener household - (Melissa was the first grandchild on the Fortener side and they lived about 2 minutes from us) - and I held her up to the window for ALL (seven brothers and sister and the new Grandma & Grandpa) to see!
We had her home for about a week when the Blizzard of '78 hit.
*****
Fast forward 30 years.....I'm back in the hospital with her, and she STILL makes me smile AND laugh now. When she first got to the hospital, she had a canker sore on her lip. One of the docs came in and called it "herpes"...she HATED that. Asked me to run to the drugstore to get something to clear it up. So of course I did.
Went to Walgreen. When I was there searching for her request, I walked by a display that had one of those Inspirational books sitting on it (not where it should be), but it was calling my name...TO MY DAUGHTER WITH LOVE. I picked it up and started reading it and was standing there crying KNOWING that I found it for a reason and it was for her. There were even places in the book that I could fill in...which I did.
Now, mind you, Melissa was NOT into "MUSHY" things. Especially something like this.
But I bought it anyway, gave it to her when I got back to the hospital. Not sure if she ever read it, but she HEARD it. A couple of days before she passed away, I read the entire book to her. She might have been sleeping, but I KNOW she heard it.
It's one of those books that says everything you want to say, but can't put into words.
Just wanted to share a few things from that book (interesting that I was writing as if she would be around for a long time ... she even had ME convinced...)
Memorable milestone:
First tooth - YES it was a milestone because you were 13 months! I though it would never happen!
College Graduation - completed in 4 years - and you paid for 3/4 of it yourself!
Marriage to John- although it wasn't the beautiful wedding I dreamed of for you - it was EXACTLY what you and John wanted that made it PERFECT - then a fun reception to celebrate!
FIRST PROFESSIONAL JOB - @ University of Cincinnati - we were SO proud of you - this was the job you'd been waiting for and UC is lucky to have such a GIFTED (YES gifted!)employee!

THINGS I LOOK FORWARD TO AS OUR RELATIONSHIP CONTINUES TO BECOME STRONGER AND EVEN MORE LOVING.....(this is where I thought things were getting better and she'd be home!)....
Lot's more "dates" - the weeklong "hospital date" was one I hope not to repeat - I look forward to weekend shopping excursions - maybe movie dates - more dinner dates. You have made me SO PROUD, and I want to spend more time, but not take away from your "John" time or friends time...you are WAY too busy..."

Wow. We were SO blessed to have her for almost THIRTY ONE years...but had so much more to do....
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First celebration of her birthday...

awww...Nick LOVES his sister...especially when it's her birthday!

Photos from her 30th birthday party (the last one we got to celebrate with her...) ALWAYS had a photo of her making a face...remember the one of Drew this Christmas sticking his tongue out?...just like Aunt Fort!

*******************************8
We celebrated Melissa's 33rd birthday with another balloon launch...

Angie had something to say before we released the balloons...and she said it perfectly:

"Maybe a year before Fort died she went to see a healer in Indiana. It was her second time there. The healer was very inquisitive with her on the second visit as to how she was showing her thanks to God for the time she'd been given. This healer was asking her in terms of how often she went to church. I remember Fort calling me after this visit and hearing how down she was because it made her question what she had been giving back (the puzzle just went off...she's here) and at the time all she could see was that she hadn't been going to church or donating her time to one. I remember feeling outraged because it was so obvious to me that Fort's life was her gift to God. The way she got out of bed every day and went to work without ever using cancer as an excuse. Her undying belief that she would live and beat this disease. The message she gave us all by simply being her positive, hilarious, unique self and never letting her circumstances get her down. Her outreach to thousands through her blog, the courage and determination she showed in getting her dream job just months before she got sick, the strength and shear will of walking 60 miles to fight for a cure, the beautiful scrapbooks she left behind that are now our treasures.

I'm not sure if she knew it while she was here but I like to think that now as she watches over all of us she can see her touch in all of our lives. The way her mom gets out of bed everyday, even when she doesn't want to, and goes to work and lives her life and continues to tell Melissa's story to everyone she encounters. How her Dad got the running back coaching job at Fairmont and the first person he went to tell was Fort. The way Nick & Meredith are raising two beautiful boys and never letting a day go by without saying Fort's name outloud for them to never forget. How Johnny Mac surrounds himself with the rugby family and her family and has continued living his life just like she would have wanted. And on days when each of us complains or wants to quit, we hear Fort's voice saying "SUCK IT UP", and we get over ourselves and remember how much worse things could really be. Or how when we see a butterfly or a rainbow we say "Hi Fort!" or "Thanks Fort". There isn't a day that goes by in my life when I don't think of her...and even when I cry and get sad I only let it last for a moment because I know she is exactly where she is supposed to be...and after I cry, I smile because her gifts surround me and I carry her in everything I do. I know that we all do. And now two years later we send our love to Fort in heaven, still knowing that she is here with us every single day. We miss you. Thank you for the many gifts you left us, but most of all for just being you."

(it was beautiful and appropriate and ANOTHER treasure for us to keep, Angie. THANK YOU...we love you so much!)
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Celebrating with another Balloon Release for her birthday...she STILL draws a crowd!

Marcy & Molly (my friend Mariannes two BEAUTIFUL daughters)...they shared all the pictures they took at the balloon release - THANK YOU! (Molly actually released a balloon for Melissa LAST YEAR on Butterfly Beach in California - she's in the book!)

Today we are celebrating Melissa's 33rd birthday at her favorite (traditional) place China Cottage (for lunch). Then Nick, Mere & the boys will come over for pizza and birthday cake so Drew can sing Happy Birthday to Aunt Fort (with candles AND LIGHTS OUT!)...then we're going to see the Fairmont Lady Firebirds DEFEAT the Centerville Elks. One of Melissa's last requests when she came home from Hospice was "I want to go to a basketball game"...I told her there would be so many people there "YOU MIGHT GET SICK!" (WTF...she had CANCER!!!!!)...she then proceeded to grab the doctor -
"You said I could go to a basketball game, didn't you?" And the doctor's response?
"SHe can do ANYTHING she wants to do - she has two hours worth of oxygen, so if she wants to go - take her." We never did. She had visitors that day, and even their short stay wore her out. She never got to a game that year. So we are making up for it...and it's OUR GIFT to her. I'm pretty sure she's at every game now anyway.
If you are in town, we'd love if you would join us - kind of her BIRTHDAY PARTY.
The game is @ 7 @ the Trent Arena...and OH! Her senior year against Centerville -
she scored the winning basket on a layup to BEAT THE ELKS - AT THE BUZZER!!!!!
Gotta be there.

If you can't make the game (PARTY), give yourself a gift from FORT - go back and read some old posts in the blog. I do it all the time...makes me laugh(aLOT) and cry (a little)...be sure to go back to the original too...

www.fortscancersux1.blogspot.com
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"The bond between a daughter and her mother grows ever stronger day by day. From the moment they begin their life together and with every hour they share along the way, it grows stronger, deeper, surer. Forever" (even after they're gone....)

Happy Birthday Pretty girl....I love you and miss you SO much!

TWO YEARS later....

2011-01-03T07:57:00.000-08:00

After the last post about THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT, Jenny, a friend of Fort's from Fairmont and OU, sent me an email with this attached. She said Fort made it for her for her birthday their freshman year at OU. She's kept it all these years - said it's one of her favorite quotes. I thought it was appropriate for today. (Melissa could find the best quotes - and she LIVED by them - so apparent now...)
**********************************************************************************

..or as Donny said "760 days" without Melissa. STILL seems like yesterday.
I went back to read my journal entry for January 3, 2010. Believe it or not I've come a long way.
I wrote "A WHOLE year. I don't understand it. I miss her voice. Her laugh. Her phone calls. Her and Nick arguing...about ANYTHING (OH HOW I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR THAT AGAIN!) The whole in my heart grows every day without her. The pain is still there."

Well, none of that has changed. But what HAS changed?

The grief now comes in waves (sometimes TSUNAMIS)- usually when I am by myself (especially in the car)...Music, pictures, new found treasures can all set the waves in motion.
Someone once told me (about a year ago), "One day you will wake up and she won't be the first thing you thing of" (she was very close to her mother, and that was how it happened for her)...That hasn't happened yet. I think about her EVERY DAY.
I still cry every day. (not ALL day, but EVERY day).
Holidays are rough. EVERY holiday.

Through the Compassionate Friends, I have found that these are all NORMAL feelings. I am NOT ALONE. I am no different than any other parent who has lost a child. The pain will never go away.

What I HAVE learned (two years later), is that Melissa taught me a LOT of things.
Take one day at a time.
Appreciate each day.
Be a friend.
Laugh.

In the last year, a lot of GOOD things have happened:

* The first Melissa Fortener McLaughlin Scholarships were awarded.
* Stacy & Pauly included Fort in their birthday celebration (It started with
Fort (30) Stacy (30) and Pauly (40) as One Hundred Year of Greatness...
then 103 Years of Greatness, 106 and this year 109 Years of Greatness and
we are STILL invited...thank you.
* We received a BEAUTIFUL book, MADE by Angie "What I Learned from Fort" (we will treasure it ALWAYS)
* Stacy put together a CD called ONE YEAR LATER - I still have it in the CD player and listen to it all the time...
* In February, Jen S. (one of Fort's rugby coaches from after college) ran in the
Donna Breast Cancer Marathon in Jacksonville, Fl - carried a pink & white rugby ball ALL 26.2 miles, then handed it off to Donny & me when she crossed the finish line (the story here is Fort talked Jen into doing a marathon (both of them) - while they where doing a 5k breast cancer walk/run - so Jen was determined to do it!)
* Donny was hired as the Running Backs Coach at Fairmont High School - working with the new Head Coach, Andy "Rock", one of Melissa's best friends in high school.
* Ive received letters from Annie, her roommate from her sophomore year at OU (they lived in the Convo ONE YEAR together!) - sharing her memories -storied I'd never heard...and Annie is thinking about joining us on the 3 Day Walk in Atlanta in October too!
* Had a surprise visit from ANOTHER of Fort's rugby friends - E Black. She was in town visiting from Washington - GREAT surprise. We reminisced, talked, laughed and cried...and I almost made her miss her flight! She left a torn rugby jersey "that reminded her of Fort!"
* Sharon & Karyn (a newly PREGNANT Karyn) did the 3 day walk in Atlanta for Fort
* In October - Breast Cancer Awareness Month - Fairmont High School Octogon Club sold300 FORT bracelets (proceeds going to the Scholarship Fund)...my 80 year old DAD even sold 40 FORT bracelets to his friends at the VFW & Polish Club, NOW trying to sell them in Florida to his friends there!

AND the Kelts held the SEVENTH Annual Breast Cancer Fundraiser, raising OVER $4000 - with half the proceeds going to the Scholarship and half to Susan G. Komen (for the 3 Day Walk October 2011 - TEAM B POSITIVE!)
* At the fundraiser - I spotted someone with a FORT tshirt on, asked to have my picture with him...turns out it was ROYAL N. - the recipient of the 2009 Melissa FORT McLaughlin Keltic Pride Award...AND a friend of mine on FB (how embarrassing)SORRY ROYAL - but I'm glad we met (again)
* FACEBOOK - Fort put me on Facebook while she was in the hospital - I'm pretty sure it was her way of keeping me in touch with all her friends...she let me choose HER friends to be MY friends (remember Pauly?)...I loved that. Still do.
* Watching Melissa fight her battle with cancer helped ME help others who are going through the same thing. I don't know everything, but I KNOW that it is a battle that can be fought while continuing to live a positive, full life...and being a part of contributing to POSITIVE things like the 3 Day Walk (raising money for Breast Cancer Awareness/Research, and JACKIE'S BOOKS (a fundraiser which raised almost $2000 for Books for Children's Hospital in Dayton)...
* Fort's story was on a national television show (all 90 seconds of it) The Balancing Act
* Susan G. Komen called again THIS year, and asked to share Melissa's story for their 2011 Fundraising Campaign for the Atlanta 2011 3 Day Walk.

Butterflys....LOTS of butterflys!

* I am thankful for all the treasures she left behind (and we are still finding...mostly cards with messages - that I share here)

* And I am blessed with not only MY friends, but with Melissa's friends who continue to stay in touch, and continue to share their stories about Melissa. It is HONESTLY the reason I get through each day.

And where would I be without Donny, Nick, Mere, Drew, Max & John...AND my sister Sue. Probably not here. They continue to be there for me EVERY day. I just hope that I can be there for them when they need me...I am working on that.

A lot of positive things have happened in the last year. I continue to miss her
EVERY SINGLE DAY, and the pain is still there. But good things are happening.

THANK YOU for accepting me for who I am now, and THANK YOU for continuing to talk about Melissa and remembering her.

THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT

2010-12-27T12:04:00.000-08:00

If you have been reading the blog for awhile, you KNOW my fascination with butterflies. So it is no surprise that I received a few butterflies for Christmas...a butterfly ornament and frames with butterflies and a butterfly ring. I love them all. But my favorite (and this will be no surprise either) was a book.

A couple of weeks ago Donny and I were walking through Books & Co. and I saw this book - The Butterfly Effect by Andy Andrews. All I saw was the cover with the butterfly. I just mentioned "I want that book". In the past, I could mentioned several times something that I wanted or needed, but unless I made a list, it was forgotten. Not this time.

I didn't have a CLUE what this book was about. I read it today. It's one of those books that you can read in half an hour. I was crying when I finished the book, and called Donny to tell him that it is one of my favorite Christmas gifts. Ever.

What I will tell you about the book is WHAT the butterfly effect is. Then buy the book. It is worth having and sharing with your kids, or ANYONE you love.

(from the book) "In 1963, Edward Lorenz presented a hypothesis to the New York Academy of Science. His theory, stated simply, was that:
A butterfly could flap its wings and set molecules of air in motion, which would move other molecules of air, in turn moving more molecules of air--eventually capable of starting a hurricane on the other side of the planet.
Lorenz and his ideas were literally laughed out of the conference. What he had proposed was ridiculous. It was preposterous. BUT IT WAS FASCINATING!
So imagine the scientific community's shock and surprise when, more than thirty years after, physics professors working from colleges and universities worldwide came to the conclusion that the butterfly effect was authentic, accurate, and viable.
It is now know as The Law of Sensitive Dependence Upon Initial Conditions.
Science has shown the butterfly effect to engage with the first movement of any form of matter - including people."

As I was reading, I couldn't help but think of the impact that MELISSA made on so many people's lives. There were 1500 people at her funeral. If those 1500 people told her story to only ONE MORE PERSON, that would be 3000 people that knew of her courage in the face of her disease. I KNOW her story is far more reaching.
That's what the butterfly effect is all about...not just MELISSA'S life, but
ALL of our lives.
"Every single thing you do matters. You have been created as one of a kind. You have been created in order to make a difference. You have within you the power to change the world." Andy Andrews

I think Melissa did that. Maybe that is our ultimate goal in life. And she did that.

I've also thought about sharing this book with the fifth graders at school.
I'm not working next week - I just don't think I'll be able to get through the week and accomplish anything. I also think it's time I told them about Melissa. I talk about my "kids" all the time. They've actually asked about the picture I have of her on my computer. And of course they are probably a little confused about all the butterflies around the library.

I can't think of a better time to share her story AND the story of THE BUTTERFLY EFFECT...EVERYONE can make a difference, and there's not a better time than RIGHT NOW (a good New Year's Resolution too!)

...and in TRUE Fort fashion, I will ALWAYS end with pictures (more than like of Drew & Max!)
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Christmas Eve. Not too busy. Perfect. Me, Donny, Nick, Mere, Drew, Max, John, my sister Sue, and Melissa's rugby friend Jeannette and her girls, Norah & Lilah.
Angie & David stopped by for a short visit. ALWAYS love visits from Fort's friends.

Norah,Lilah, Drew, Max

Pam, Drew, Max, Jeannette, Norah & Lilah (Jeannette is a rugby friend of Melissa's!)

The FIRST thing Drew did on Christmas morning? Went to see if Santa ate his cookies!

Santa brought him a firetruck...what he REALLY wanted!

Max at their new table and chair...just the right size!

Nothing makes this grandma (Pamma) happier than when my grandkids pick up a book...(even happier when they bring it to me to read to them!)

Drew with HIS book!

J Mac and the boys (after I took the picture, Nick said "Look at Drew...he's Fort all over again!" We have very FEW pictures where Melissa IS NOT making a face...I think she must have been whispering in Drew's ear "MAKE A FACE!"...so he did.

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Hope you spent your holiday with the ones you love the most...

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-21T17:23:00.000-08:00

From our family to yours...may you have a happy, HEALTHY Holiday...
Donny, Pam, John, Nick, Mere, Drew & Max (and of course Fort & JP)...

I KNOW Melissa is watching over all of her friends and family during the holidays... MERRY CHRISTMAS from Fort!

(Just a note...we're sending her balloons for her birthday again this year...
if you'd like to join us - Sunday, Jan. 2 @ 1:30 @ the cemetery. Bring a balloon!)
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Christmas is about FRIENDS....here's to YOU Jackie!
Last year, our new principal at Moraine Meadows convinced the entire staff to register for the Flying Pig Marathon in Cincinnati. Some did the 5K, some did the half marathon and a couple did the full marathon. I thought it would be a good idea to do it for a good cause...and we had a GREAT CAUSE right there at Moraine Meadows. Our second grade teacher had been diagnosed with cancer in the fall of last year, so we asked her where she wanted the proceeds to be donated...Her first choice was the library at MM. When we were closed, she wanted the money to go for books to be donated to Children's Hospital in Dayton (she's a READING teacher!). We raised almost $1500! In the fall Jackie and Rodney purchased books with half the money (which Jackie & I delivered in the fall). She recently gave me a check for the other half - close to $800 -plus the RUBI GIRLS raised another $500 and Southdale students and staff (where Jackie & Josh are now teaching) raised another $200 in addition to books (about 100) that were donated. WELL...we went shopping yesterday. Books and Co. gave us the educator's discount and we were able to purchse 160 MORE books to go to Children's!!!! We had so much fun. And we're hoping that Jackie will be up to it to help deliver the books after we put bookplates in each book "DONATED in Honor of Jackie...A Most Excellent Teacher!" What a great feeling it will be to deliver MORE books! WE LOVE YOU JACKIE!!!!!

Rodney and me with some of the books...

Josh and Deb with some of the books...

Josh holding the receipt for the books we bought!

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The BEST gift for us....

A friend of Melissa's sent me the link to this on FB today (didn't get a chance to read the paper today - had Drew & Max overnight and all day today...thanks for sharing it with me Chelsea!)
There is not much I want or need (only ONE thing...can't have that), and this is GREAT advice:

Dear Abby:
My beautiful 20-year-old daughter was killed in a car accident. I am writing this not only for myself, but for all parents who have lost a child, and to all of the wonderful people who asked, "What can I do for you?"

At the time there wasn't much anyone could do to help, but after two years I have an answer: Accept me for who I am now.

When Rachel came into my life, it changed me profoundly. Losing her did the same. Her father and I work hard to honor her memory, but we will never "get over it" to the degree of being who we were before. I am different now. In some ways -- I think -- better. I am kinder, more patient, more appreciative of small things, but I am not as outgoing nor as quick to laugh.

I know people mean well when they encourage me to get on with my life, but this is my life. My priorities have changed. My expectations of what my future will hold have changed. Please extend to me again the offer of "anything I can do" and, please, accept me as I am now. -- DIFFERENT NOW IN RIVERVIEW, FLA.

2010-12-12T14:04:00.000-08:00

CHRISTMAS THEN....

Christmas was always my favorite holiday...beginning in September I made my lists (all the names of who I was buying for (and WHAT), how much I would spend each pay-from Sept-Dec., when I would write my Christmas cards(about 100), when they would be mailed, what weekend I would make cookies, and when to wrap the presents. Then when to shop for groceries for the annual Fortener Christmas here (on Christmas Eve)...and somehow fit in decorating. I pretty much did it myself. OH... they all loved Christmas as much as I did, just not the preparations...Hard to believe it was my FAVORITE holiday. But I did love it.
As the years went by, the kids got older, the lists grew longer and my temper grew shorter...the winter depression set in. Finally, one year (before Christmas) my good friends Sharon & Jennifer convinced me to go to the doctor to get something "to help me get through the winter"....so I did. I'll never forget THAT Christmas. The kids kept saying "What's wrong with mom? She's not yelling!"...(and knowing I was on medication) they would laugh and say "OH, she must be on drugs!"...and they laughed and I laughed because it didn't matter...I was HAPPY. So I continued to do all the crazy hectic Christmas things.....

That was THEN.

In 2008, things changed. In the summer, Melissa had a reoccurence and it was everywhere. I knew it wasn't good. Fall came and went, never even thought about making a list.
By Thanksgiving she was in the hospital.
By Christmas, she had been to Hospice for ten days, then after pleading with the nurses, they let her come home.
She came home to our house...and Hospice set our family room up into a comfortable "Hospice at home".
I remember when she came in, she was pleasantly surprised - her bed was right in front of the big screen tv- she had a rolling tray for her food...everything was within reach. And there was the oxygen. It was a VERY noisy machine - but we got used to it very quickly - and had 45 ft of cord, so she could get to the bathroom, or pretty much anywhere she wanted to go around the house. I went upstairs to get something, and when I went back to the family room, she was GONE. I thought "OMG, where did she go????"...then I noticed the cord...followed it to the basement. She was walking around looking through boxes. just wandering. I asked her what she was doing..."Just looking".
The next ten days went by in the blink of an eye.
I had NO list, but Christmas had to go on. What about gifts? I could get out for an hour or so, but I didn't want to leave her.
What about food? Taken care of by WONDERFUL friends.
Christmas cards? No way (no time).
Decorations? We took care of those the Saturday after Thanksgiving when John stayed with her in the hospital. Not much, but enough that she loved it.
As for the gifts, a couple of days before Christmas I went to Kohls. Got a couple of things for everyone and went to get in line - there were probably 25 people ahead of me. I just started crying - then ran into an ANGEL (by the name of Mike Schmidt). I asked if he was going to wait in the line...when he said "yes"...I asked if he would pay for my things and drop them off (and I would write him a check when he got to our house!)- I HAD to get home...and he took it and said "GO". An hour later he was ringing our doorbell - delivering the "stuff"... Wouldn't have had gifts if it weren't for him...
I also went to Beermans - saw a red and black warmups - called Melissa to see what she thought - "you don't have to buy me anything mom...OH...OK - I'd love them..."
(they are still hanging in my closet)....

And for the first time, we opened Christmas gifts on Christmas Eve...I was a staunch believer in YOU ONLY OPEN ON CHRISTMAS MORNING. IT was simple...just me, Donny, Melissa, John, Nick, Mere & Drew... We spent most of the time watching Drew open his gifts - Melissa took lots of pictures and videos - can't see her, but you can HEAR her voice talking to Drew. We each had a couple of gifts to open and we laughed and we talked and enjoyed EVERY minute. AND Drew took his first steps to Melissa that Christmas. AND Nick & Mere announced that she was pregant - they really wanted Melissa to name the new baby (that's ANOTHER story)...so Fort KNEW about Max. (we tell him that too)...It was THE best Christmas ever. She even said so.

Christmas now? No lists. Very little shopping. A small tree and some lights out for the kids. No cards (sorry, just not there yet).
Last minute shopping/wrapping (I'd have THAT all done by now - while watching It's a Wonderful Life - still my favorite.

Not much energy for all that. I THINK about doing things alot. I guess that's half the battle. I'll get done what I need to get done.

SO. We get through the holidays, but as you can see, the memories are still very fresh. Drew & Max help - a lot. Working (I never thought I would say this) actually helps too.

The next couple weeks are going to be hard. First Christmas, then the anniversary, then her birthday - which by the way, we will probably go to the cemetary again this year and send her balloons (with messages) - if you'd like to join us, we'd love that. And we will ALWAYS go to China Cottage for her birthday - not sure if it was her favorite, but it was tradition. And we are big on tradition. Then we'll get through the winter...with a break in February - doing the Donna Breast Cancer Marathon (I'm doing the half with Jen & her friends and Sharon is going this year too)...in Jacksonville, Florida. That will help.

So were almost through another holiday. One day at a time.....

and OF COURSE, I end on a HAPPY note....the only way Fort would have it....

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I said I would post any "TREASURES"...found another one. Donny was going through some boxes, found this one...I am SO glad I saved EVERY card. She wrote messages on everything...this one is SO her...

When Melissa was in Hospice, good friends of ours brought this snowman to Melissa to help make the room "festive"...it's one of the only Christmas things that I can put out (that was out when Melissa was here)...Max gives him a hug...

Every once in awhile the kids get a book and sit on my lap...Drew found his scrapbook from Aunt Fort (she was working on it for Drew for his first Christmas. She never got to finish it, so Stacy & Ang worked on it and finished for him for his first Birthday...it makes me SO happy that he has something that SHE made! He loves it too!

Drew LOVES when pop pop chases and tickles him...

Donny, Nick & I took Drew & Max to a holiday "extravaganza" at Bellbrook Middle School (one of the teacher's I work with organized the event)...lots of kids games, food, Christmas music, and Santa. Drew decorated cookies for himself and Max...and had to EAT them right away of course!

Donny & I attended our first Compassionate Friends Memorial Service...there were over 60 names of Children in the program...and family members there to represent each child and light a candle in their memory. At the beginning of the program, they read a poem called "The Lighting of the Five Candles" -
Candle for our Grief, Candle for our Courage, Candle for Our Memory, Candle for our Love and Candle for our Hope. I got to light the candle for Our Hope. It's the candle in the middle...it didn't burn down like the rest of them...maybe Fort letting me know she was there? (Donny says, maybe it was colder than the other candles...I like to believe she was THERE.)

TREASURES

2010-11-30T17:56:00.001-08:00

I have been working on a Christmas "project" for my dad and a couple of other people and in the process have been going through tons of photos. When Donny saw what I was doing, I told him I would do the same for him, but he had to find the pictures and scan them (I LOVE my new printer/scanner/copier...makes this "project" a lot easier!)...so he's now going through photos and files. In the process, he found these...Melissa was SO talented. I think every Christmas she made something for her friends (I KNOW she and Angie always made gifts for each other) because they never had any money...little did they know that those gifts are the most TREASURED gifts.
I'm pretty sure the doors on her hall in her dorm had her works of art...she was so easy to buy for at Christmas - coloring books and crayons...even in her 20s! She loved stickers and stamps and anything sparkly - probably why she loved scrapbooking so much.
Anyway - here are a few of the treasures we found...I'm sure there are more hidden treasures around the house waiting to be found...and you can bet I will share them on the blog when I find them!

Wasn't she the sweetest little thing...at least when she was with Santa!

Friends....my pretty girl and HER treasures!

Holidays...

2010-11-21T12:06:00.000-08:00

Two years ago tomorrow (the Monday before Thanksgiving), Melissa went BACK to the hospital. This time for good.

Here we go again. The holidays are here already, and I'm NOT ready. (Ready or not, here they come...) Too many memories. It's a VERY difficult time of year for me (us).
For the first time, Donny went to a Compassionate Friends Meeting with me last Thursday. The speaker, Rev. Bobbie Predmore, spoke about "Getting Through the Holidays". A good topic for all of us. Although SHE has not personally been where we are (she's not a member of "THE CLUB NO ONE WANTS TO BELONG TO"...) she had some very good insight and very good suggestions to help all of us.
Most specifically - the best gift you can give a grieving parent? Talk about their child. It's interesting - for some people, it's easier to avoid "us" than to talk about our child. We LOVE to hear their name. We LOVE to hear stories about them.
And, for me anyway, I GUARANTEE I will cry. But that's OK. Please don't NOT talk about our child because we (I) "might" cry. It's part of the healing. We NEED to cry as much as we NEED to hear their name and hear their stories. It will be the best thing you can do for "us".

After the meeting, we also received our monthly Compassionate Friends Newsletter. When I got home, I read a great article in the newsletter. I'd like to share some of it here. It will hopefully help you understand where "we" are coming from. Even two years later...

CONFESSIONS OF A PASTOR...by Rev. Greg Hubbard, Goodland, KS

When I left seminary, there were many things I was prepared for; my mistake was believing I was prepared for everythying. In fact, I was not prepared for everything, but I did not realize how totally unprepared I was until I spent some time as a pastor of a community church.

Even though I had been through four years of college and four years of seminary, there was much I was not ready for. Funerals I knew how to do--at least we had discussed them in school. When it came time to help families through the grief experience, however, I soon realized how woefully inadequate my training had been. I believe many pastors leave seminary feeling as I did--ready to take on the world. I believe many soon discover what I did--that the more I experienced as a pastor, the more I realized how little I really did know.

For instance, I used to believe that the grief experienced by a woman whose husband died, or the man whose brother died, or the parents whose child died was the same. I was wrong. As a caretaker of those God has entrusted to me, I set out to do my best at the funeral, to visit afterward, and I then expected the family to get on with their lives. For themost part, people did, that is, except for one group. This particular group puzzled me. I could not figure out why their tears lasted not just months but years longer. I believe you know which group this is. I wanted to understand why this group-- bereaved parents--got hit so much harder, and what I, as one who cared for them, could do.

I set out to learn all that I could about the death of a child. The more I learned, the worse I felt. The group that I had been treating like any other turned out not to be like any other. I no longer believed that all grief was the same--that is to say, that all deaths yielded the same reaction in the grieving process. Some may disagree, but as far as I am concerned, the greatest loss any human can sustain is the death of a child.

I thought over what I had said to bereaved parents to ease their pain. It hurt me to learn I had been just as much a part of the problem as I had thought I was a part of the solution. I also realized that solutions, though possible, are very hard to come by. I learned how inadequate my answers were in the face of a child's death. I came to understand that although it goes against a preacher's constitution, it was often better to keep my mouth closed and listen as one who cared than it was to offer verbal dribble. It was embarrassing to find that I too, was guilty of the disappearing pastor syndrome following the death of a child.

As a result of my post-seminary crash course in parental grief, I've learned a lot of good things. I do not ever tell a parent they can always have another child. I don't attempt to answer "why?" I love them even when they get mad at God. I reassure them that they aren't crazy. I help them through anxiety attacks. I listen more than I talk. I never tell them I know how they feel--they know and I know that I don't. I always tell them and show them that I care. I never ask them to tell me what I can do for them; they won't. I just show up regularly to say I remember and I care. I never let them blame themselves for things God alone has control of. I talk about their child frequently and openly.
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
(these are excerpts - it was Reprinted from The National Compassionate Friends Newsletter, Sprint 1991) and I felt it was important enough to share.

He also mentions sitting down with your pastor and telling them what bereaved parents go through. "It might surprise them to learn how long grief lasts or that many parents leave their child's room untouched for years".

I'm not sharing with my pastor. I'm sharing with my friends. YOU. Because, hopefully, it will help you understand where we are coming from - and, quite possibly you know someone else who has lost a child. (His last paragraph especially has some good advice!)

Needless to say, I will continue to talk about Melissa. I will ALWAYS LOVE to hear her name and stories about her. And I will cry. I promise. I love her and miss her EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

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and in TRUE Fort fashion, we end with Drew pics. A happy ending. Always.
(Max gets his turn on another Friday night!)

WE had Drew Friday night - decided to take him to the Mall just in case Santa arrived early ... and guess what? HE DID! Drew got to see Santa (no pictures unfortunately unless we paid 39.99 for the cheapest package...I'm cheap AND I have a good camera), and he got to ride the train around the Mall with Pamma and go to the Toy Store AND see puppies in the puppy mill...er.. Pet Shop....

Hmmmm...maybe SANTA might bring Drew a new helmet for Christmas....(since that little green basket he uses for a helmet is pathetic...)

OK - I KNOW I JUST posted this picture, but hey - it's one of my FAVORITES.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING from our house to yours....

The Edmund Fitzgerald

2010-11-15T17:14:00.000-08:00

Very interesting story.
November 10 was the 35th Anniversary of the sinking of the Edmund Fitzgeral in Lake Superior. (Remember the Gordon Lightfoot song "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"?)
Paul Riippa, a teammate of Donny's on the Wilmington College Football team was on the Edmund Fitzgerald when it went down.
Paul Riippa was a halfback with Donny. He got to play quite a bit as a freshman.
Before the season started the team had a Talent Show. Two of Paul's friends convinced him he that he was a great singer and he should sing a Neil Diamond song in the show. So he sang "Sweet Caroline". Little did he know that his teammates were putting him on - and they all got a good laugh out of it.
Paul left Wilmington after his freshman year and joined the Merchant Marines.

After his sophomore year, they were selling old jerseys, and Donny bought his jersey and Paul's jersey, and have had them both packed in the attic for 35 years.

On Tuesday Donny was reading an article about the anniversary on the internet. There is a Maritime Museum in Michigan that was having a ceremony in honor of the anniversary. Thinking about the jersey, Donny thought it would be nice to give the jersey to the Riippa family. He sent an email to the museum requesting information on the Riippa family so he could contact them. It was the end of the day, so he didn't wait for a response. On his way home, shortly after pulling out of the parking lot - he turned on the radio...to SWEET CAROLINE. (you know our experience with Melissa sending us songs!)...he really felt like Paul was sending him a message to get in touch with his family. We believe those signs. We get them all the time from Melissa...
Tonight Donny was on the internet looking for the Riippa family again. He found an email for Paul's brother, and sent him a note about the jersey.
Within a half an hour, our phone was ringing. It was Paul's brother. Donny talked to him for about 15-20 minutes, and promised to send him the jersey. He was very grateful.

Donny and I were talking about their conversation after he hung up. It has been 35 years since Paul passed away, and his friends STILL remember him.

How we would LOVE 35 years from now to hear from a friend (or friends) of Melissa's and know that she is still remembered. It's all we can hope for....

Donny with Paul Riippa's Wilmington College Football jersey. Sending it to his brother tomorrow...

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What in the world is going on with the Bengals???? Quarterback maybe? I don't know, but we had a good time with Shelly & Bruce anyway. We have been Bengals fans for a LONG time and will continue to be - I just wish they would start winning again...

Bruce, Shelly, Pam, Donny at the Bengals/Colts game in Indy...

believe it or not - we found a worker in the stadium who was a Bengals fan!

windows in the stadium looking out into downtown Indianapolis...

Halftime was in honor of our nations Veterans. Awesome.

view from our seats...