Today Was A Good Day

For the last ten years, (I thought) summers were easier than the winter months.  I've realized recently that is not true.  My last couple posts (two of which I deleted) have been, well, not very positive.

I struggle with depression and anxiety, like a lot of people.  I KNOW I am not alone.  However, you really are alone when the depression hits because it's really difficult to reach out when you are feeling this way.

It's been a roller coaster the last month.  A couple of good days, several bad days, a couple of good days.  

Today I'm struggling.  Didn't want to get out of bed.  

Donny is playing softball, so it would have been easy to just go back to bed.  But I decided to do some purging.  Get rid of some things and get at least ONE thing organized.

As I was going through things, I came across a letter from my mom.  It was a rough draft of a letter she never gave me (we found it after she passed away).  My mom did rough drafts of EVERYTHING.  If she was going to make a phone call, she would write down everything she was going to say before she made the call, to be sure she wouldn't forget anything.  Then she'd write the name of the person she talked to, the date and the time.  I do the same thing.  

Anyway, I needed this letter today.  My mom and I didn't have the best relationship...the kind I wanted anyway (the kind I had with Melissa).  Sometimes I wasn't sure how she even felt about me. Without details from the letter, I'll just say that my mom had a hard time verbalizing how she felt about me.  She wrote the letter and never gave it to me.  But I found it, and it helps.  Especially today.

As I was going through things, my phone beeped.  I had a message.  It was from a friend who just said "I hope you have a great day today" with lots of happy emoji's (we message each other a lot with happy emoji's).  Made me smile.  I needed THAT too.

I found something that I thought was lost.  Needs to be filed with important papers.

That made me smile.

Then I found this.  I have no idea who gave it to me or where I got it, but I think it was from one of the Compassionate Friends Conferences:

Today was the absolute worst day ever

And don't try to convince me that

There's something good in every day

Because, when you take a closer look,

This world is a pretty evil place.

Even if

Some goodness does shine through once in a while

Satisfaction and happiness don't last.

And it's not true that

It's all in the mind and heart

Because

True Happiness can be obtained

Only if one's surroundings are good

It's not true that good exists

I'm sure you can agree that

The reality

Creates  

My attitude

It's beyond my control

And you'll never in a million years hear me say that

Today was a good day.

NOW.  Reread this from the bottom up.

***

So today did not start off well.  But it's getting better.

One minute at a time.

I hope YOU have a great day.