A year ago today....

It's hard to believe it's been a year. It seems like yesterday. I remember VIVIDLY everything about Christmas last year. Melissa was SO happy to be home (at least to mom & dad's)...it was so good to have her home. Not easy, but good. She came home from Hospice with at least 13 different meds...took the first PILLS at 6 a.m., then 9, noon, 3, 6, 9. She NEVER complained. EVER. Loved having visitors (kind of quiet here this year)....LOVED having Drew here. He LOVED having Aunt Fort here - very curious about all the oxygen tubing... and Aunt Fort's oxygen mask...and the bed in the family room! I remember right after we got her home - I went upstairs for something. When I came back down to the family room - she was GONE. She was easy to find though. She was attached to about 45 feet of oxygen tubing. I followed the tubing to the basement, where she was just wandering around. I couldn't believe she could walk down the steps...I shouldn't have been surprised though. She was so happy just to be able to move around in familiar surroundings. Just checkin' everything out. OH how good it was to have her here. She really wanted to go to a Fairmont girls basketball game, but never made that. (I was so afraid she would get SICK... so many people out there with the FLU... OMG. The FLU? What in the world was I thinking. So when she said she wanted to go shopping, we went. Someone asked recently "what did she get you"...and when I read her post about the shopping trip, I realized she didn't say what she got us,just that "it was something that would benefit HER as well as us!"...She hated our computer monitor - wasn't big enough for her - so she bought us a moniter. She wheeled herself around Target and told me to "STAY AWAY"...I don't even think she let John help her - he just followed her around with the cart, letting her fill it. And Christmas Eve? We had fun watching Drew open his first present...and promised that "next year, I'm taking everything out of the boxes before I wrap them"....I loved the sound of that...Christmas NEXT year. And she said more than once "this is the BEST Christmas EVER."

And here we are. NEXT Christmas. It's hard to believe. A WHOLE year without her. I miss her voice, her LAUGHTER especially. We have so many WONDERFUL memories of that BEST CHRISTMAS EVER.

From our family to yours - we wish YOU the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER....

and of course, Fort would always end a post with the "cutest baby ever"....
now we have TWO of the cutest babies ever....

Aunt Fort helping Drew with a present...



Aunt Fort with Drew on Christmas Eve...



Drew - having fun a grandmas...a year later


Max - 4 mos.

Merry Christmas from our home to yours....

FORT'S Dream

Found it. I saved just about every email she sent me in the last couple of years...this was actually November 2007...just SEEMED like it was only a few months before...

From Fort -
I had the wildest dream last night….just a non stop eventful evening of dreams, but the one thing that really stuck out (and you know they always say your dreams are supposed to reflect your life or something) was, I was swimming in the ocean with a friend (I don’t know who the friend was) and there was a big black shark circling us. But I wasn’t afraid of it. And then the shark starts talking and its like, “Hey watch this” and all the people watching from the pier are getting freaked out and the shark keeps making these lunges like its coming after me, and everyone on the pier is on edge but I know the shark isn’t going hurt me. Im actually amused by it.



Weird, huh?

DREAMS

Fort always ended a post with a "ISN"T HE CUTE" photo of Drew...since I STILL don't know what I'm doing, really, I tried to end with the photo, but I'm starting with the photo of Drew AND MAX! Then on to the dreams....


Every once in awhile, Fort would post a "Question of the Day". Usually it was something she was interested in, and wanted to create some interesting reading.
WELL.....I have a "Question of the Day" for you.......
Have you had a dream about Fort? Since January?
Sadly, I have not. But a few people have told me they have, and have shared them with me. I REALLY need that now.
Donny has had two dreams about her. Woke up in the middle of the night, right after the dream, to tell me. In both dreams, he really felt like she was THERE.
While I have not had a dream about Melissa, I did have an interesting dream that I'm pretty sure was her. Before I tell you about the dream, I should first tell you that the day before I left, another good friend & I had been talking about dreams. She bought a book about DREAMS for me. I read a little, and found out about LUCID dreams, dreams in which you KNOW you are dreaming...so - my dream... I was at Cumberland with my good friend Shelly celebrating her 50th birthday. When the party started the first night, I just couldn't get into the celebration. I excused myself with "I'm just going to lay down for a little bit", with no intention of getting up for the partying later. In the dream, I there were two deer grazing on a hillside. That's it. I remember in my dream thinking "what is the significance of this? WHY am I dreaming about two deer? THAT'S it. I don't remember dreaming anything else. Needless to say, I never said anything to anyone about this "insignificant" dream. Fast forward
to the ride home. I was in a van with 3 women that I really didn't know. We didn't talk much about Melissa during the weekend, although they all knew the story. On the way home, someone asked about her, and of course I took the opportunity (having a captive audience that COULDN"T get away unless they jumped out of a moving vehicle) to tell Melissa's story. I cried for the rest of the 3 hour trip home. At one point, I was talking and staring out the window - and on the side of the road, EXACTLY like in my dream, were TWO DEER GRAZING ON A HILLSIDE! Standing in the same spot, EXACTLY like in my dream. That's it. Nothing else. It really didn't hit me until later. Really until I got home and told Donny. Was it Melissa sending me a message..."you're not ready to see me mom, but I'm here?" I hope so. I BELIEVE so.
Has anyone had dreams about a lost loved one that seemed REAL? I especially want to know dreams about Melissa.
I'm sure you all think I've gone a little batty...just need some Fort stories right now. I'll take ANY interesting dreams right now...
Fort was always interested in her dreams too - always analyzed her dreams. She would get online to find out what they meant. One dream in particular she was swimming and sharks were circling her, but she said "I wasn't afraid mom". This was just a few months before she passed away. I don't know if she posted about it, but I'm sure I got it in an email from her. If I can find it, I'll post it later.
Enjoy the holidays. And the snow if you get it...we are.
(**NOTE- If you don't want to respond about dreams here, you can email me at
pfort@erinet.com)

Happy Thanksgiving!

From the Fort's - Enjoy your families - eat what you want,
take lots of pictures and HUGS HUGS HUGS to everyone.
We love you all.
Pam~Donny~Nick~Mere~Drew & Max

AND Happy 35th JMAC!
We love you!

FORT

If you are on this blog to read about Fort, in HER words...go to the blog archive on the right side of this page - her last post was Christmas Eve 2008. You can start there - kind of have to work your way backwards. What I have to say is NOTHING compared to what she had to say. What I write is all about HER. And FOR her. But you want to read HER. I don't know where she got her writing talent, but it sure wasn't from me. Thank you for visiting her blog. I hope you keep reading until you've read it all. I KNOW you'll be inspired, and you'll LAUGH out loud, a lot. This blog WILL be published some day. I promise you that.
Fort's mom

Here's to YOU Fort...3 days - 60 miles!!!

Our journey began around 5:30 a.m. on Thursday, October 22.
Originally we were both going to work a half day, until I found out I had to be in Atlanta at 4:00 on Thursday. Thus the early departure...we were on the road about an hour - right about the Sharonville exit - had a blowout. (Fort would have taken a picture of the shredded tire, and of the tire being changed...but it was WAY too early for me - I hadn't even had a cup of coffee yet! In fact, I was sleeping when Donny said "Is that OUR car????"...he was asking about the "thump, thump, thump, thump..." It was. I knew John was already at work, so we called him, he found a place within a couple of miles from where we were - we had the new tire put on and were back on the road by 7:30. And made it to Atlanta with a few minutes to spare!

Melissa (Fort) would let me know RIGHT AWAY that she was going to be there with us.
We were waiting with the other flag bearers for the practice to begin. I got up to go to the car for something and they were doing a sound check on the stage. Of the thousands of songs they could have chosen, they chose the Cold Play
song (Viva La Vida(?)
For those of you who don't know - that song was on a CD that a nurse from the hospital made for Melissa last year around this time (when Fort was in the hospital). We both liked the song, and while SHE probably knew who the artist was and what the song was, I DIDN'T. After she passed away, I started hearing that song whenever I really needed her. SO...of course when THAT was the song the began BLARING from the speakers - I KNEW she was there. She always lets me know. (at the end of the pictures - I have ANOTHER story of her letting me know she was there-just the other day...) And that began the incredible adventure of the 3 day in Atlanta. I hope you enjoy the pictures.




I had the priviledge of being one of the Honor Flag Bearers. I was to carry the
banner "MY DAUGHTER" in the Opening and Closing Ceremonies! This was at the practice the day before the walk started.


After the practice for the Opening Ceremonies, Donny & I checked into the hotel. John & Diana were already there. They had made reservations for dinner at the Macaroni Grill across the street, so we joined them. This was the second time in about 2 hours that Melissa let me know she was there with us...our waitress was Melissa! (she even had that CREATIVE handwriting like OUR Melissa!)


FORT'S YAYAS for TATAS leaving the comfort of the hotel for...who knows what kind of adventure! And an adventure it proved to be...


One of my first friends, Carol. She was an Honor Flag Bearer also. She carried the flag "MY HUSBAND"...which wasn't true in the Opening Ceremonies. He wasn't her husband until she crossed the finish line - he was waiting with a Judge, and they got married when she finished! (Not sure, but he might have walked too).


Less than a mile into the walk and Sharon tries to convince me to "hop on a sailboat"...but I won't do it...so she decides to stay on the walk with me...THANKS Sharon!


Donny greets me & Sharon at the first cheering station...THANKS for being there Donny!


GREETERS...from the United Nations???? AWESOME!


FORT'S YAYAS for TATAS ALL complete the first 20 miles!


20 miles down, 40 to go...and STILL smiling!


Sharon & Karyn make themselves at home after 20 miles of walking...

DAY 2


Getting ready for DAY 2...I'm SURE we're talking about how our training will help us get going on day 2...NOT. John is the only one on our team that really "TRAINED". It was obvious - we couldn't keep up with him. We had to keep reminding him that "this isn't a RACE, John." He didn't listen. He WON every day. Way to go John!


ANOTHER motivational poster along the way...(is he (I mean SHE) losing a boob there?)


Karyn's best friend, Melissa Bacon, comes from Dayton, OH to surprise us at a cheering station! THANKS Melissa!


STRETCH it Sharon...and get your shoes on...we gotta get a move on!


Halloween in reverse...the KIDS are giving out the candy!


I LOVE this woman...THANK YOU Diana for not selling our bed to the highest bidder! (I know you could have sold it MANY times before we came in...thanks for protecting it!)


Volunteer Nurse Lois takes a look at my blisters at then end of Day 2 - she wouldn't touch them - said I did a "GREAT"job bandaging my toes! They all came off in the shower and had to redo them later that night for Day 3.


I TOLD you you'd be on the blog Jill!


40 miles down, 20 to go....(and STILL smiling!)


Finally...a REAL bed! (the first night, I had a 1/4" thick pad to sleep on...on top of concrete...might as well had NOTHING under me - I tossed and turned (as much as you can toss and turn in a 2 man pup tent) until Mandi offered me HER 2" thick pad to sleep on-THANKS MANDI!-the next morning, I called Donny and pretty much begged him to buy us a mattress...for ONE night. He did. He's WONDERFUL.


A sea of pink...imagine trying to find YOUR tent - I got lost one time, actually got a little nervous!


Tent City - 1000 2 man pink pup tents in the Atlanta Trade Center

DAY 3


Our "across the street" neighbors in tent city - KRISTA'S MINGOS - Becky, Erin, Rose and Bobbie. (Thanks for helping us with our tent on Sunday Becky & Bobbie!)


Day 3 - John left AN HOUR after we did - snuck up on us and PASSED US. He finished about an hour before we did. (all that training paid off...except IT WASN'T A RACE JOHN....You were AWESOME!)


Downtown Atlanta Cheering Station - Donny & Diana are on the corner by the crosswalk-I took the picture and didn't even know they were there - almost passed them by and didn't see them! This cheering station was over two blocks long on both sides of the sidewalk - just the motivation we needed to get those last miles in!


This Hospice Nurse is "Walking to Lose her job!"


Pam and an emotional Suzanne (a neighbor from tent city)at Turner Field.


Karyn & Mandi go through "the gauntlet" as Donny calls it - 60 miles, lots of blisters, 3 stress fractures and SMILES on their faces!


FORT'S YAYAS for TATAS make it 60 miles to Turner Field!!!!


Closing ceremonies...my flag is second from right.

3 days. 60 miles. It was incredible, and talking about doing it again ALREADY seems, well, crazy. But we are talking about doing it again next year. I do it for
Melissa, and will continue to do EVERYTHING I can to help raise $$ to find a cure for this horrific disease. I walk for you, your daughters, your friends, your mothers, your sons and your husbands. I am so glad I got to experience it with Melissa too. I know she was with us the entire 60 miles - a little easier on her this time! Love you pretty girl...thank you for being there!

**Okay...the OTHER story. I had a mammogram scheduled for the day after we got home.
Right before the radiologist was about to do the mammogram, she was looking at my chart and started asking about family history, when she said "Oh, you have a daughter with breast cancer?" I replied "NO. My daughter died of breast cancer in January." When she did the mammogram, she noticed some calcifications that weren't there in my last mammogram. She took more pictures, and sent it on STAT. I heard from the doctor the next day that I needed to have a biopsy. SO...Donny took a half day to take me. When we got in the car to go, we turned on the radio, and guess what song started playing? Cold Play. Viva La Vida. She was with me THAT day too.
OH. Got the results today. NEGATIVE. GREAT news. GET YOUR MAMMOGRAMS GIRLS....
it's VERY important to catch this early.

Are you there FORT?????

I think she is. I spent THREE HOURS last night posting pics of the 3 day walk in Atlanta. When I first got started, the screen flickered a little...and when I finished, I SAVED everything. But when I went to preview what I had posted, it wasn't there. I think FORT was telling me I went a little overboard. I'll try again later - and not post as much. Maybe she really DOESN'T want me on here.....