It's official....

I'm officially registered for ANOTHER 3 Day, 60 mile walk...this time in San Diego!

A couple of weeks ago, I ran into a good friend of Fort's, and we decided to do the walk again. She said "I know you want to walk in Atlanta because that's where you walked with Melissa, but it's time to take her story to ANOTHER city." (Although SHE isn't registered yet...I'm hoping she is joining me and Ang!)

I couldn't agree more. So we chose San Diego.

***

Dear Melissa,

I'm doing the walk again, for YOU. Three times in Atlanta, and I want to share you story in MORE cities. We walked to end breast cancer...and I will CONTINUE your fight until there IS an end to breast cancer.

I love you and miss you EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Mom
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

(p.s. If anyone reading would like to join us, we are registered under
Team B POSITIVE, again. If I can do it, YOU can do it (that's what Melissa said to me. And we did! It is an experience of a lifetime.)

Extended birthday...

A few years ago, Melissa posted on JP's birthday, along with a photo of HIS grave. She wrote "I never thought I'd be visiting my son at the cemetery on his birthday."
I never thought I'd be visiting MY daughter at the cemetery on HER birthday. But I do. I buy her a card, balloons, and sing happy birthday to her. Just too hard to stop.













We had another balloon release - about 20 people were there. It was a beautiful, sunny day. Warmest one yet. Will probably do this every year. Makes ME feel better...


Sending Melissa balloons (AND messages!) to help her celebration in heaven...












I asked Angie to write ANOTHER tribute (she does it every year)...she did a great job AGAIN. Thanks Ang. You say exactly what I feel...

I spent many years while Fort had cancer being terrified of a world without her. The idea of it always took my breath away...literally. It was a world impossible to imagine and it really wasn't one that I was excited about living in. Yet, here we all are three years after losing her. Everyday since January 3, 2009 the sun has still risen and set and the world has kept right on going. The thing is, that while she left this place and isn't physically with us---she really is still here in so many ways. She's here in each of us. If you close your eyes tight, I bet you can still see her pretty face, hear her contagious laugh, or remember a funny Fort story.

You channel her energy when you have a tough choice to make or when you need an attitude check. When you complain or feel sorry for yourself, you hear her voice saying, "Suck it up!" In our lives after Fort, you are able to see the bright side even in a tough situation. She's there in the rainbow in the sky, the butterfly that crosses your path, and in every blessing that comes your way. There are smells and sounds and songs and movies that keep her with me everyday. I hope that ten years from now every one of those memories is just as vivid in mind as they are right now...I think they will be. Fort was pretty much the MOST unforgetable person EVER invented! We miss you Fort, but as long as we all live we'll keep your memory alive and well down here on earth. Happy birthday, Fort. We love you and miss you.


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

On a lighter note...In 2008, Melissa and Stacy turned 30. Pauly turned 40. They decided to celebrate with "100 Years of Greatness". Had dinner with a few friends at Bangkok Bistro next to Haps (where all the parties are after the rugby matches).
Since then, they celebrate every year, include Melissa, AND include us. This year was "112 Years of Greatness" (Stacy 34, Melissa 34, Pauly 44). The first year without Melissa, Stacy made a CD "One Year Later". Melissa LOVED Stacy's CD mixes. So do I. Last year, it was "TWO", this year "THREE". Great music,each song chosen for a specific reason. I love it. They all shared great memories about Melissa. We are so happy that they include us every year, and so happy that they continue to share stories.














*******
Fort LOVED when Drew did something cute... so I have to share this. She would love it.
On New Years Day, Drew woke up and said "Pop Pop. I think I have a beard."
Donny laughed and told him to tell Pamma. Then he said "Pamma. I think I have a mustache!" (as he was feeling his upper lip)...now WHY he would think that...WHO knows. Maybe he thinks since his DAD has one, HE is growing one. It was kind of funny...He keeps us smiling, that's for sure!

Happy Birthday FORT!!!!

You did and you did. Happy Birthday Melissa Marie...we love you!


(just a note...as soon as I started on the blog today, the puzzle went off. I hope that means she's OK with me posting...I know she just wants to let me know she's watching over me - and making sure I don't post anything she wouldn't like!)

But she knows that every year on her birthday, I tell the story of the day she was born. It was usually when we took her to China Cottage for her "traditional" birthday lunch. And by the way - we're going today to celebrate her birthday - and always have them put out a place setting for her. I know she will be there with us.

So. Today we have lunch and YOU get to hear the story AGAIN of the day she was born, because I have to tell SOMEBODY.

34 years ago today, Thursday, January 5, 1978 @ 5 a.m. I woke up in labor. My bag was packed, including a deck of cards (because we were expecting a long labor) and we were on our way to St. Elizabeth Hospital in Dayton. It was an unusually warm January morning. Arrived at the hospital around 5:30 - labor progressed pretty quickly. No time for card games! Melissa Marie arrived at 1:19 p.m.. She weighed
7 lbs. 5 oz. and was 20 inches long. Lots of dark hair. BEAUTIFUL. HEALTHY. And in those days, they gave moms a couple of days to get acquainted with their new babies before they sent us home. That was nice.

It had started snowing while we were in the hosptial and by the time we were ready to go home there were several inches of snow on the ground. The day we were to come home - our car wouldn't start. So "Uncle" Rick (George) Kayser came to the rescue, picked up Donny (daddy) and came to bring us home. I sat in the front seat HOLDING Melissa (no car seats required 34 years ago!)and daddy was in the back seat (since we had a chauffer!) Had to swing by the Fortener's on the way home (they lived just a few blocks away) so Grandma and Grandpa could see their FIRST grandchild and Donny's seven brothers and sisters could see their first niece! (which meant LOTS of babysitters!).

Two weeks later the "Blizzard of 78" hit - we were pretty much stranded in the house for about a week. It was a LONG winter. But it started the most wonderful journey of our lives.

We had ALMOST 31 years with Melissa. Not long enough, but so blessed to have the most beautiful, caring, funny daughter every day of her (short) life.
We love you and MISS YOU every single day Melissa. Happy Birthday.


And without further ado...here are the pictures (as Melissa would ALWAYS do!)
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
This was Melissa's first birthday. She had no idea what was going on, but she loved her birthdays from then on...it was always a party because of her dad's big family, then add my family and a couple of friends...no WONDER she loved a good party!
(Oh - and those were the days when you made your birthday cakes on your own!)

















...and some birthdays in between...




















































This was Melissa's last birthday. We had a 30th birthday party for her...no surprise - it was REALLY hard to surprise her - she ALWAYS found out and really didn't want to be surprised. It was a GREAT party and I am SO glad we had it. I know she was too!


















So another year goes by and we celebrate without her. But we will ALWAYS celebrate her birthday. And you will ALWAYS hear the story. Because if YOU don't listen, who can I tell? Thank you so much for joining us on OUR new journey. You help us get through each day.

Enjoy YOUR birthdays, and don't forget to take LOTS of pictures!

3 Years.....

The past three years are pretty much a blur. STILL seems like yesterday that Melissa was here. No matter how busy I try to keep myself, every day my brain shows "clips" of that day...3 years ago today. Actually, from the Monday before Thanksgiving until her birthday, every day is ETCHED in my brain. (Funny how traumatic events in your life are etched in your brain, never to be lost...and how other memories are lost. That's why I appreciate stories of Melissa ANY time!)

Thanksgiving "clips" when she was in the hospital, "clips" of the night she went into ICU.
The day she was coming home from Hospice, she told me she wanted to go to the Fairmont girls basketball game, much to my dismay. I was so afraid that she would "get sick" with "ALL THOSE PEOPLE THERE"...(what was I thinking?-she wasn't going to get any sicker than she already was...) When the doctor came in to release her, Melissa said "Can I go to a basketball game this weekend?" The doctors response to me? "She can do anything she wants. She has 2 hours of oxygen, so just get her home before her oxygen runs out!" Of course I got the "look" from Melissa - you know, the look that says "I told you so".
A couple days before Christmas, she decided she wanted to go shopping. So we took her to Target. She wheeled herself around Target, (ON HER OWN) to buy gifts for all of us. (with an oxygen tank on the back of the wheelchair!)
"Clips" of our last Christmas together. In Melissa's words "this is the best Christmas EVER!"
WHen she said "next Christmas, we're taking all the toys out of the boxes" (because when Drew opened his gifts, everything is attached to boxes like they don't want you to get them OUT of the box!) I LOVED that she was talking about NEXT Christmas. She was talking about the future. She was not giving up.
That Christmas was my best ever too. It was the most peaceful Christmas we had ever had, that's for sure. No drama. No stress (other than the obvious). But even that didn't keep us from enjoying that Christmas. A friend of mine from school had her mom come over and take our family photos (THANK GOD for that - they are our last COMPLETE family pictures together). On Christmas Day, Dad and Sue came over. And of course Melissa HAD to go to the Fortener family Christmas. Normally Christmas Eve was at our house, but since that wasn't possible that Christmas (because of a Hospice Bed and oxygen in our family room), Mike had Christmas at his house. She was not feeling well, but she was determined to be there, oxygen and all. She got into the car herself, out of the car into Mike's house on her own, and when we got ready to leave, everyone wanted a picture of her and John. "OMG" she said. Then she started to count down "10-9-8..." showing her disgust that everyone wanted her picture, in a humerous sort of way. She never lost her sense of humor.
That night, John went back to Cincy (had to work the next day). Angie spent the night and we slept in the family room with Melissa. Her breathing was not good, and by the time the nurse arrived the next morning, it was decided that she had to go back to Hospice. She told me and Ang "let's keep this on the DL". She didn't want anyone to think she wasn't getting better. ( In fact, if you read her last post - go to the archives to Dec 2008)you would have been convinced that she was going to be going back to work in a couple of weeks.
So back to Hospice she went. That was Monday. The next day in Hospice, she pleaded with me to go home. (she was on 15 litres of oxygen, can't provide that at home). I hated that.
Although her birthday was January 5, I asked some of her friends and family to send cards early. I told her it was because her birthday was on Monday and everyone would be back to work, so were were celebrating early (good thing we did). I read EVERY card to her. That was New Years Day. I think she was surprised that so many people remembered her birthday.
January 2, she slept most of the day, but when Nick and Mere stopped in with Drew, she sat right up, took Drew on her lap and she was SO happy. When Nick and Mere left that night, he said "see you in the morning Fort". She said "I love you Nick".
I think that might have been the first time she ever said that to her brother. It was the last thing she said to HIM anyway.
At 5:18 a.m. Saturday, January 3, 2009, she left us. To be with J.P. I'm sure.

THAT is the video that continually plays in my brain from Thanksgiving until now.
You can't possibly stay busy 24 hours a day, and even a MINUTE of idle time brings the memories flooding back. So, I sit back, enjoy the show, and let the tears flow.

And after three years, what I can do and can't do (I wrote about this after ONE year-when I couldn't do much at all)...has changed a little. I do a lot more than I did that first, even second year. But I still don't make phone calls (thank goodness for texting), not big on socializing (unless it's a breast cancer fundraiser) and enjoy a simpler life. And, OH, one thing that gets me through every winter...FAIRMONT girls basketball games. It is the ONE thing she really wanted to do when she was home from Hospice that she didn't get a chance to do, so we literally go to every girls game, home and away. For Melissa. In fact, for her birthday, we're going to the girls game at Centerville. When Melissa played for Fairmont, when they played Centerville at home, she had the WINNING basket AT THE BUZZER. I KNOW she'll be at this game too - it should be a good one. That's about all I really want to do this week. It's her birthday present. (and it's good for ME too - if you knew Melissa, she liked to buy gifts for US that benefited HER too-like the monitor she bought us at Christmas because she didn't like OUR monitor!)

Fast forward 3 years. Our life is not the same. It never will be. But we enjoy the NEW memories (hopefully some of them will be etched in my brain!) with our grandsons. Christmas was good with them. And New Years? Looks like we'll be the babysitters for a few years to come, which is fine with us.


Had to include a couple of pictures because Melissa ALWAYS posted pictures...trying to follow in her footsteps the best I can....
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
I came home from shopping a couple of days before Christmas to find
a package at my front door. The return address was Nick Fillo. Melissa's
boyfriend at OU her junior year. He found this frame that she had made for
him for his birthday and thought we would like to have it. (He had it packed
away). One of the many things she made for friends over the years...What a pleasant surprise this was for us. (ANOTHER pleasant Christmas "surprise"...John gave me the quilt that his mom made for Melissa with all of her t-shirts. It's pretty much her life on a quilt from preschool through college. Thanks John. She wore every tshirt on this quilt, so I love to wrap myself up in it...)


















This was my Christmas gift from my sister Sue. Just like Melissa (or Melissa was just like her)she makes gifts for Christmas. This is one I'll cherish forever.













it reads:

I'd like the memory of me to be a happy one.
I'd like to leave an afterglow of smiles
when life is done.
I'd like to leave an echo whispering
softly down the ways,
Of happy times and laughing times
and bright and sunny days.
I'd like the tears of those who grieve to dry before
the sun.
And think of happy memories that I leave
when life is done.
~Helen Lowrie Marshall

I'm pretty sure Melissa would feel this way. (I'm trying Melissa!)

I'll be back on Thursday, her 34th birthday.

...CHRISTMAS...

OK folks...this is the best I can do this year...and this was a hard one (Santa made it easy to smile - thanks Santa...) Our first "new" family picture. Just doesn't seem right. We got Melissa in the picture (Mere's FORT shirt)...the picture is nice, but just doesn't seem right...
Anyway, I did a lot more this year than last - actually baked cookies, bought a few more presents. Still can't put up the "big" tree. Can't even look at the ornaments. Can't put out the stockings (bought new ones). I want to. Maybe next year.

From our family to yours - may you have a happy Christmas, a HEALTHY New Year, and always remember to take LOTS of pictures.













Took LOTS of pictures when Santa visited our house, but this is the ONLY picture that FORT showed up in (notice the orbs? There's actually a big one and a little one - JP was there too!) She either sets off the puzzle, or shows up in pictures - occasionally.














You can see how HAPPY Drew is...and you can probably tell that Max was just a little hesitant to sit on Santa's lap....HOWEVER when Santa walked into the house, it looked like Max had SPRINGS on his feet - he was jumping up and down - it was hard to get him to stop he was so excited!














While this is a nice picture of our nephew (Donny's sister Jan's son) Ryan, this picture is more about the picture BEHIND us on the wall. Ryan is a Graphics Art major at SE Louisana State (I hope I got that right)...one of his assignments was to take a picture of something that meant a lot to him, then draw it in black and white.
He wears his FORT bracelet all the time, and THAT is what he chose to draw. So he had a picture taken of him holding the bracelet. (he got an "A" of course) - he didn't add the pink to the bracelet until after he got it back...then Santa gave it to me after Drew and Max got their presents! I'm guessing this will be my FAVORITE present this year... THANKS RYAN! Love you!
















We have Nick, Mere, Drew and Max staying with us this week (her brother is in town and staying with her mom, so we are THRILLED to have them here when the boys are SO excited about Christmas...GOOD for us too.

The visit from Santa was exciting - that's all they've talked about. I forgot how much we use the "Santa is watching" around Christmas time when they are all wound up. While they are so excited about Christmas and we talk a lot about Santa (AND Baby Jesus' birthday!)...we also talk a lot about Melissa.
Max came into our bedroom the other morning and said "Pamma. Call Aunt Fort".
So we picked up the phone and called her. He picked up the received and said "I love you Aunt Fort". He's 2. I love that Max knows her.

Another cute story - Drew LOVES to hear Pamma's stories. He sat on my lap the other day and said "Pamma - tell me the alligator story" (the one were I saw the alligators on vacation this summer)...when I started telling the story, Max crawled up on my lap and was listening, and he said something about Aunt Fort and the alligator. I told him that "Aunt Fort could sit on the alligator's BACK if she wanted to because she's an angel". He looked at me kind of funny and said "NO PAMMA.
Aunt Fort not a angel." And I looked at him and said "Well, what is she Max?"
His reply? "A butterfly!"

I love it.

*************

On our last day before break, my Moraine Meadows family gathered at Bufflo Wild Wings...hard to believe it's been two years since we left MM. I miss them all so much, and it is ALWAYS good to see everyone (including Mike, Jackie's husband and her daughter Beth who just happens to be in town!)













My friend Dawn (from school)got a call from her sister, who invited her AND a friend to dinner at Flemings at the Greene. Not only did we enjoy a delicious filet mignon dinner...we were encouraged to try the dessert too. THANKS DAWN (and sister Tracy!)














For our Compassionate Friends meeting in December, there was a Memorial Service at a church in Tipp City. 64 Children were remembered...just hard to fathom...it was very nice, and afterward there was a potluck dinner - my students from Greenmont made the BEAUTIFUL butterfly placemats (I'm not the only one who LOVES the butterflies!) THANKS GREENMONT STUDENTS!














...Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night...

p.s. next post will be the week of Jan 2...3 years AND Melissa's birthday.

Catching up....

I didn't realize how busy the last month has been...until I finally downloaded
the pictures from the last couple of weeks.
December is pretty busy too. I guess busy is good. Going to as many Fairmont girls basketball games as we can (Melissa LOVED Fairmont girls basketball. When she was home from Hospice, about this time THREE years ago, the one thing she wanted to do was to go to a game. Never got to because she had visitors that day for about an hour and she slept the rest of the day. But it was the ONE things she really wanted to do. So WE go. It is TRULY what gets me through the winter.

And ALWAYS excitement from Nick and Mere's....Nick just called. He wanted me to know that he just pulled a LEGO out of Drew's nose. Like father like son...Nick recalls the time when we had to pull a DIME out of his nose. (And we had to pull a peanut out of my brother Steve's nose when HE was about that age.) What is it with boys and their noses? Just curiosity maybe? Experimenting? Who knows. Just glad Nick was able to take care of it. Hopefully he won't try it again!


Mia Marie. She came to visit with her mom, Stacy. I know Fort was here...Stacy was telling a story about Fort and the puzzle went off. No surprise. She was just letting us know that SHE thinks she's adorable too!














Funny story from school....the day after Mia's visit, Kindergarten came to the library. There is a little girl in the class whose name is ALSO Mia. When she came up to check out her book, just out of curiosity, I asker her what her middle name was. She is as cute as can be, chubby, long hair, glasses. She looked at me, without ANY hesitation said "MIA GRACE MONKEYFACE"...and walked away.

I need to write ANOTHER book.



Drew & Max checking out the "Crib" (as my dad called it). My grandpa built one, then my dad built one, and WE have it for now. I remember laying in front of it when I was their age, and Melissa and Nick laid in front of it at mom and dad's...and someday, Drew and Max's kids will enjoy it too!















Two tired little boys...we wore them out on a Christmas lights tour of Kettering.
If you haven't been through Lincoln Park, you need to go. It's beautiful. (Remember Fort in the Rugby Calendar...next to the Harley? That was in Lincoln Park).
Donny told the boys that "Pamma and PopPop put up all these lights"...and they believe him....OH what a tangled web we weave.....














Me with Illustrators Jeannette & Christopher Canyon at school. He was a
visiting Illustrator at Moraine Meadows about 10 years ago - amazing.
He illustrated the book GRANDMA'S FEATHER BED (John Denver) along with a few others by John Denver. If you haven't seen them, check them out,
they are beatiful.
For me, authors and illustrators are like MOVIE STARS. I have LOTS of
pictures with different authors. Melissa tried to "one up" me...Sue Grafton
was a client that booked a train trip... Melissa actually had her cell phone #and had to call her once (in California) and woke her up. Melissa forgot
about the time change. She (Sue Grafton) was a good sport about it though....















Celebrating my sister Donna's birthday (Donna, Pam, Sue)














On our way in to the Football Banquet, we saw two of these BEAUTIFUL hawks!















Firebird Football Coaches...can you find Coach Fort?














Coach Fort & Coach Rock (FORT would LOVE this!)















In Memory of Jackie....her tree and book are ready! Right next to Fort's bench!



And speaking of Memorials....the Compassionate Friends Christmas Memorial is Sunday.

The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting unites families and friends around the globe in lighting candles for one hour to honor and remember children who have died at any age from any cause. As candles are lit at 7p.m. local time, hundreds of thousands of persons commemorate and honor children in a way that transcends all ethnic, cultural, religious, and political boundaries. TCF has chapters all over the world. As candles burn down in one time zone, they will be lit in the next so that candles will be burning in memory of our children throughout the entire 24 hours on December 11th.

......That Their Light May Always Shine....Please light a candle Sunday, December 11 @ 7 p.m.

I'll be lighting mine for my beautiful daughter Melissa.

Thank you!

Holidays...

As some of you have probably noticed, I have been laying low for the last month or so. After Halloween, for most people, it's a time to start preparing for the Holidays. Used to be for ME too. In fact, I was preparing for the Holidays in September.

I don't look at the holidays the way I used to. I told Donny yesterday when we were walking...just a few short years ago, by Thanksgiving, I had already made my lists for the holidays - the LONG list of who I needed to buy gifts for, cookies I would bake, who would be coming over for the holidays, and how much $$ would come out of each pay to pay for all of it!

Now, there is no list...nothing on my calendar (there ARE dates on the calendar, but things that I can't do...)
Something about the change in the weather, the fact that Melissa LOVED this time of year, and the fact that she went into the hospital the Monday before Thanksgiving. It was the beginning of the end.

I try not to think about it too much, but your senses take over - things I see, hear, smell...ALL bring back vivid memories of our last holidays with Melissa. You would THINK that after three years things would get easier. But it doesn't. We went out with some good friends from our Compassionate Friends group the other night, and we all agreed. You don't miss them LESS as each day passes. You miss them MORE.

Today is Thanksgiving. Our routine for Thanksgiving always began on Thanksgiving "eve"... I had the day off and would bake 4 pies - 2 lemon, 2 pecan before Melissa and John would come up drop their things off and head out to Harrigans to meet Nick and other friends of Melissa & Nick's who were in town for the holiday. I would lay awake worrying until they got home, which would be after Harrigan's closed, so I didn't get much sleep. Then up early to put the turkey in the oven and start preparing for our Thanksgiving dinner. It was hectic, chaotic sometimes...but I had my family home and we laughed (and argued of course)and I loved every minute of it.

Now, I guess you could call it "peaceful". Not so sure I like "peaceful".
We got up, I went to get coffee for me & Donny, and read the paper. No laughter.
No aroma of turkey filling the house. Pretty quiet. TOO quiet.

We couldn't decide if we were going out to eat, or if we should have something here - ultimately decided to stay home and buy a dinner from a restaurant because otherwise my sister would be home alone and our good friend Mary would be home alone.
So they are coming over, Nick & Max are coming over (Mere is going to her mom's family in Cincy with Drew).

Sometimes I wonder WHAT I have to be thankful for. I don't have my daughter, I miss her EVERY single day, and it consumes me. But when I woke up this morning, my first thought AFTER thinking of her, was "I am so thankful that there are restaurants open on Thanksgiving for people like us...who don't have the energy or desire to prepare a feast"....then I thought of a lot of other things I am thankful for -

Donny. He is here for me every day and of course truly understands because he misses her as much as I do. We need each other. I am thankful for that.

Nick. Ever hear the saying "A son is a son til he takes a wife. A daughter's a daughter all of her life"? I am blessed that is NOT Nick. He is here for me and understanding whenever I need him...

Mere. I couldn't ask for a better daughter in law. I would have picked her for Nick if HE hadn't picked her!

Drew. He is so smart and I love his hugs and kisses and I love when he says "Pamma, Pamma, Pamma..." until I look at him.

Max. He makes me smile. He makes me laugh. He hugs your legs at random times - and is getting cuddlier and cuddlier (especially when DREW is stting on my lap!)

My sister Sue. She is more than making up for the times I listened to her. Her life isn't so great, but she is always there to listen when I need her.

Angie. Melissa's best friend from high school, who calls just to check in if she hasn't heard from me in awhile...she knows. And she listens, and she tells more stories about Melissa than anyone else, and I love her for that. And the fact that she's a lot like Melissa too.

Friends. I am thankful for old friends who continue to call and invite me to do things, even though I continue to decline. I am thankful for NEW friends, who are where WE are and who we can talk with about OUR kids, all the time if we want. And cry together too. And reminisce. As much as we want too. This may sound strange, but there we have WAY too many friends who are where we are. And new friends at work who come in and visit me because I NEVER leave my room. (Wish they could have known the SOCIAL Pam. She was kind of fun.)

Fort's Friends. I LOVE running into Melissa's friends. Hearing MORE stories about her. Hearing NEW stories about her. Just talking about her. I am thankful for her Rugby friends who continue her legacy with the Fundraiser every October. They make me laugh and they REMIND me of her. We love you guys.

Family. Who understand that I am not the same person, and I might not be able to attend a family function but love me anyway.

I am thankful for two of my best friends Jackie and Ruth, who both passed away in 2011. Their families are celebrating (?) their first holidays without them. My heart aches for them - I hope that their memories will get them through the next few weeks...

And of course, I am SO thankful that I had the MOST BEAUTIFUL, SMART, LOVING, CARING, FUNNY daughter that ever lived. I have only precious memories that will have to carry me through the rest of my life, until I see her again.

On this Thanksgiving, be thankful if you are celebrating with ALL of your loved ones. Have fun, LAUGH, and take lots of pictures. And enjoy the day.

(And, just a note, although this may have been a little depressing for some of you, I hope to have a more cheerful post this week. Melissa's best friend from OU, Stacy, is coming to visit with Mia Marie (Melissa's namesake!)so I'll be taking LOTS of pictures.)

Happy Thanksgiving.