Disney & The Compassionate Friends National Conference

Love Max's new shoes!!!

First roller coaster ride..ever!

Haunted Mansion

The only Disney character we ran into!

Cool dudes....

After a ride in Universal, you exit through a gift store.  Max wanted something to drink, so he went to the cooler and picked out a coke (without looking)...and what do you know...MELISSA was there!

Diagon Alley.  My favorite place!!!

Bought both the boys a wand.  They had interactive places in Diagon Alley where they could use their wands...very cool!

Nick had to try too!

Max mad the water turn on!

Andrew & PopPop...in trouble again!

Had to get Donny with Beetlejuice...when the kids were little we took them to see the movie at the Drive-In.  Melissa was sitting outside the car then decided to get back in the car because it was chilly out.  What she didn't realize was her dad had his hand on the bar between the front and back windows...she slammed the car door on his hand.  It was U.G.L.Y.  He screamed every four letter word I've ever heard.  Then, because at that time you used your car radio to listen to the movie...our car wouldn't start when we were ready to go.  UGH.  Not good memories of Beetlejuice...

Max rode this roller coaster with his mom & dad.  Andrew is the smart one.  He stayed with Pamma & Pop Pop and got an ice cream!

Surfin' dudes

Headed to the park...NO Marty Moose stopping us...

Animal Kingdom.  Did the ride through the Safari first - good thing!  All the animals were out because it wasn't too hot yet!  It was great!

Avatar

Always learning something with Pop Pop

Stopped for lunch with these guys...

Twice we saw this.  Mugs and Bike License plates...Melissa and Nick together. 

You know those little lizards that are so fast in Florida?  Max actually caught one!  And I think he liked Max.  He didn't try to get away!

Dinner for Max's birthday!

Finally some relaxation time!

Dinner with Emily, Kevin & family!

Saw Grant Wilson from Ghost Hunters!  Nick recognized him, so we stopped and talked to him...really nice!  And happy to have his picture with the boys!

Wally World.  The workers at Disney LOVED it.  Can't tell you how many stopped him and said "Hey.  Didn't the Moose tell you we were closed?" 

If you get to Disney, definitely stay for the Fireworks.  Worth waiting for!

Butter beer at Diagon Alley.  Harry Potter's favorite!  Mine too!

Nephew Chris came to visit from Bethune Cookman in Daytona Beach.

Free Hugs Station!  I never pass up a free hug!

Getting ready for the Walk to Remember

The Walk to Remember.  I met this little girls mom at the conference in Boston.  She asked me to take a picture and send it to her if I could find it.  I took it and sent it to her.  She got it the day before Sophia's birthday (I didn't know that!)  She posted a picture and said "Sophia came home today".  Makes my heart happy.

This is Joey.  He is from Brooklyn.  His nine year old daughter Mackenzie died in February of this year.  We met him in the first session we went to, then ran into him several times during the conference.  We ran into him at the Walk to Remember on the last day. He gave us a bracelet to remember his Mackenzie.  We gave him a bracelet to remember our Fort.

It was a great week.  For the last five years we've gone the week before the conference and made a vacation of it.    This was a good year to have Nick & Mere  and the boys join us - perfect time for them to go to Disney.  We went to Magic Kingdom, Universal & Animal Kingdom.  Animal Kingdom has a new area called Pandora from the movie Avatar.  One of the rides was Flight of Avatar - we heard a four hour wait to get on this ride.  And we couldn't get Fast Passes.  So we decided not to do it.  By 3:00, we had been on every ride we wanted to ride, so we went to check out Pandora.  The line was down to two hours.  So we waited.  The family in front of us in line was from Sao Palo Brazil.  They had twin daughters - born the day before Andrew!  

Emily & Kevin (my friend from Melbourne - we met through Fort's blog!) came to visit us at the resort then had dinner with us.  

At the conference, we made more friends.  A family from Wisconsin who lost their 21 year old daughter in Dec. 2014 in a tragic dumb waiter accident.  Met a girl (Katrina) and her mom (Yvette) at the pool who lost their brother/son 6 weeks before the conference.  Come to find out, Katrina lives in Enon, Oh. not far from us.  They came to our Compassionate Friends meeting last Thursday.

That's the best part of this trip every year.  The people we meet.

We are all positive our kids are putting us together.  Melissa (& John) are making lots of new friends in heaven...

Thanks Fort!  Love you and miss you EVERY day.  

Chemo Fun Book

I am SO thrilled that there is interest in the book that Melissa wrote!

Here's the backstory....
I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure she worked on this while she was going through treatments.  As you'll see (if you get a book), it is not complete.  95% complete, but some unfinished pages.  She  must have been working on it in late 2008.   She was working on a scrapbook for Andrew at the same time, which she never completed either (but her best friends finished it for her!).

After John passed away, John and Diana brought us two carloads of Melissa's things.  It took awhile, but we finally sorted things out.  In one of the boxes I found a folder that had a stack of loose papers - things she had written and printed out.  It was obvious it was an "activity" book.

Melissa never sat still during chemo treatments.  Well, she couldn't move around, but she was always doing something.  Reading, writing, addressing envelopes for her class reunion.  Listening to music.  Talking to her "neighbors". Laughing.  She really didn't know how to relax.  She always needed something to do.  So WALA!  She decided to write this book.

I know from the first page that her intention were to sell it.  From the first page...

"This book is for:

and Lovingly from:

(if you purchased this for yourself....")

And I'm sure her intentions were to donate the proceeds to some charity - probably a breast cancer charity, or her doctors office, or some other deserving charity.

SO.  As soon as I realized what it was, I wanted to publish it.  It took my cousin Tammy getting diagnosed with breast cancer, and my friends Jennifer and Barb getting diagnosed with cancer, that I decided to do it.  We have a local printer who does a lot of work for Fairmont and always donates to the Fort 5K - so I took it to them.

I am SO pleased with the finished product!  I mailed one to Tammy, and to a friend in England who is in a support group I'm in.  He is going through treatments as we speak.

My intentions are to give the first 100 away to people who are going through chemotherapy treatments.  John's mom makes lap quilts for people who are going through chemo, she's took a few to send with the quilts.  Another friend messaged about adding them to cosmetic bags her daughter's group is making for people who are going through chemo (hope they work Kathy!).

After the first 100 are gone, I want to sell them.   I would love to be able to pay it forward...to the Noble Circle, a local group that works with women who have been diagnosed with any kind of cancer,  possibly the Stephanie Spielman Foundation and the Cincinnati Kelts Rugby Club.

The Kelts have held an annual Breast Cancer Fundraiser in Melissa's memory since the year she was diagnosed, 2003.  Every year, half of the proceeds go to Melissa's scholarship, the other half go to Breast Cancer Research.  The Kelts are in the process of raising funds for a new pitch (playing field) and we want to help them with that.  In Johnny Mac's memory.  Melissa would LOVE that too.

So....if you are interested in getting a book, I would love to give you one if you know someone who is going through chemotherapy, I'd be happy to share one with you to give as a gift.  Once the first 100 are gone, if there is still an interest, I'll sell them.

Can you let me know what you think?  I need some feedback.  I don't think I'll have any problem giving the first 100 away, I just need to know about selling them.

Thanks!!!!

(and a sneak peak at what's inside...

Last post was April 2.  Wow.  Been busy since then...in no particular order...

Andrew & Max ^ - playing flag football.  Done for the summer now.

Granddog Knute out for the game too!

Max & his best friend Eric(?)

Love the expressions!

Andrew @ center.

Andrew, cousin Chris, Max

Komen Breast Cancer Walk in Columbus with Randi & Carolyn.  Remembering Melissa (Fort),

in honor of my cousin Tammy (who was just recently diagnosed with breast cancer), and Donny's cousin Becky, who we found out was diagnosed after the walk.

Dad @ Katie's graduation party with Matthew.

@ Sam's 5K.  I finally EARNED a medal.

Randi & Donny

The boys with Randi's friend, 3 Star Admiral @ Sam's 5K.

Dad and his new friend Carol @ Traditions.

Dad & Donny's birthdays.

A family friend posted this, saved it for dad.  

Dad, Bobby, Steve (my brother), Bob W, Grandpa W, Dick, Jim W.  Dad's childhood buddies.

Killin' our liver on the (Ohio) River @ Janie & Jim's. With Mange & Mary.

Baxter (Mimi & Mommie's dog) drawn by Max.

Clay class with Andrew and Max - taught by Steve Powers, amazing artist!

Butterfly quilt from Anita!

Welcome home Grandpa Irv!

Caregiving is a full time job.  Now that dad is home, my life got busier.  Good thing, but more importantly, I have peace of mind.  It's good to have him so close (5 minutes away).  

I retired 5 years ago, and originally thought I would sub, at least occasionally.  Never happened because I was helping out with the boys occasionally and that was about the time dad started falling. Taking care of him from a thousand miles away was time consuming.  And twice yearly visits started getting expensive.  

What I am beginning to realize is I need to get back into the workforce.  A lot of my friends are beginning to retire, but being home alone all the time is lonely.  There are some days where I never hear another human voice.  Really.  Not getting out gives me NOTHING to talk about when Donny gets home.  Sometimes we take walks and don't say anything.  

He wants to retire, and I want to go back to work.  Not sure how it would work BOTH of us home at the same time!  

The last six months have been a roller coaster of emotions.  Sometimes I feel like John's death was the final straw....grieving is hard work and I am wearing out.   Emotions are getting the best of me.  Bad thoughts (horrible thoughts actually) creep in and the depression is overwhelming.

For me personally (and I'm sure a lot of other people), it's hard to reach out when I am at my lowest.  I do have a lot of good friends who tell me to call if I ever need anyone to talk to.  But I convince myself that I do not want to burden anyone with my problems.  In fact, FB reminds me quite often that people really should surround themselves with HAPPY people.  The sad, depressed, negative people just bring you down.  Unfortunately for the sad and depressed, they are the ones who NEED you the most. (just a note.  I need to take a break from FB occasionally.  So many happy people with perfect lives there...)

I have been on the downside of the roller coast for a few days now...could have stayed in bed all day today.  But I did reach out (which is really hard for me to do), and my friend came through.  He didn't know that I am hitting close to rock bottom.  It was good to get out.  And then another friend called to meet this week.  And my cousin called.  I believe in divine intervention.  Melissa is watching out for me.  

It's been eight and a half years, and I am still here.  I don't believe in miracles...but maybe there are miracles.  It's a miracle I am still here.  

I am so thankful for my friends.  They come through and don't even know they are helping me.  

This path is not an easy one.  Sometimes what helps me the most is helping someone else.  I need to remember that when I am in this place.

And I need to remember that I have some things to look forward to...visiting a childhood friend in St. Louis in a few weeks, and going on a family vacation to Disney this summer.  

And my dad needs me.

I guess the moral of this story is - you never know when you reach out and make that phone call if that is the phone call that saved someone.  

I was saved today.  

(sorry this wasn't an uplifting post...but it does have a happy ending.  I'll get through another day because of friends!...I  think I just got an approval for this post.  The puzzle just went off!  Either that or she's letting me know she is always here with me.  But I already knew that...)

****

"You cannot stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you.  You have to go to them sometimes."

-Winnie the Pooh

Family

The definition of family according to dictionary.com:

A basic social unit consisting of parents and their children, considered as a group, whether dwelling together or not:...any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins:...

*****
It's been an emotional roller coaster for the last couple of months.  Waiting for the Memorial for our son-in-law, John.  Johnny Mac.  Schmoopy.  Schmoops.  He went by a lot of names.  He was a son, brother, father, husband.  Son-in-law, brother-in-law, uncle.  Nephew. Cousin.  Friend to many.

What I saw yesterday (and have known for a long time), was that John touched a lot of lives. His untimely, tragic death was a shock to everyone who knew and loved (loves) him.

The mass at St. Xavier Catholic Church in Cincinnati was a beautiful tribute to his life.  I think the message that we all walked away with was "we never get used to death."  Truer words were never spoken.

My brother died April 26, 1975.  I still talk about him and miss him.  Over 40 years.

My daughter died 8 years ago and I still grieve.  The tears are still there.  I never (will never) stop missing her.

And I feel the same about John.  Our son-in-law.  Really, another son to us. He was part of OUR family.   I hope he knew we felt that way about him.  We never said it out loud.  We never told him that.  He was really Nick's brother, his only sibling after Melissa died.  I hope he knew how much we loved him.

I hope he knew how much he was loved by everyone who knew him.  We heard a lot of J Mac stories yesterday at Rhinegeist and then at Haps.

Probably my favorite John story was when they had their annual Chili Cook-Off.  Donny and I were invited and I made White Chicken Chili.  Now, I never professed to be a good cook (not like my mom, or his mom, or HIM), but I didn't think my chili was THAT bad.    But I guess it was.  They had several different awards - Best Chili, Hottest Chili, and Worst Chili. And trophies to go with them.  I just remember how excited he was to give that last trophy...for the WORST CHILI.  And how SURPRISED I was that is was MY chili!  He thought it was SO funny - and so did Melissa.  Me,  not so much.  But I can laugh about it now, because I can admit that I am probably the worst cook around.  I just don't LIKE to cook.  But Johnny Mac did.  (Seagal even made one of J Mac's favorite recipes for the reception yesterday!)

John was a GREAT cook.  He LOVED to cook.  Melissa was just like her mother...didn't like to cook and didn't WANT to cook.  But she tried.  She made a frozen pizza once and unknowingly put the rack in upside down (so the edge of the back of the rack was pointing down instead of up).  When she went to pull the rack out, the pizza slid off the back onto the coils on the bottom of the oven...burning the pizza.  John came in the kitchen, shook his head and told her she wouldn't have to cook any more.

But she tried again.  This time, she turned on a burner to boil water in a tea kettle.  She turned on the wrong burner.    A "made from scratch" pie that John made was in the oven.  When the buzzer went off, she thought she would do him a favor and take it out.  She put it on the stove to cool (not knowing that she had inadvertently turned on the wrong burner).  A few minutes later, they smelled something burning...it was John's freshly baked pie!  Needless to say, he wasn't too happy.  I'm sure he encouraged her to STAY OUT of the kitchen!

I choose to believe that she was pretty smart - she didn't like to cook and this was her way of convincing her husband that she shouldn't be in the kitchen! (as opposed to she wasn't very smart...)

He loved cooking, making his own beer, smoking his pipes, laughing and making other people laugh. He loved the Bengals, the Reds (and most likely would be at Opening Day tomorrow!)  He loved the Kelts.  Rugby.  But most of all he loved my daughter.  He was a good husband to Melissa.  He took his vows seriously...'til death do us part.

Standing at Haps on the deck in the back, it wasn't the same without his laughter.  He had a one of a kind laugh...it was a belly laugh.  Loud.  Oh how I miss that.  That was something he and Melissa had in common.  Their laughs...and they were LOUD.  And funny.  They were so much fun to be around. They were the definition of "soul mates".   They were better when they were together.

And that brings me to the definition of "Family".   The part that says ".any group of persons closely related by blood, as parents, children, uncles, aunts, and cousins:..."  I think that family doesn't necessarily have to be related by blood.

The Kelts are a perfect example of this.  Family is about being there when you are needed the most.  Coming through when the chips are down.  Listening.  Helping.  Talking. Sharing. Loving.

There is no better example of all those traits than the Kelts.  They are a true example of family.  "Once a Kelt, Always a Kelt" is there motto.  We were never members of the Kelts- team members.  But because we (me, Donny, Nick, John, Diana, Erin, Aileen) are family (by blood) to Kelts members, we ARE considered family.

Brendan O'Connor, a Kelt and a member of the Ancient Order of Hibernians, which John was also a member of, organized a lot of the memorial and the reception at Rhinegeist following.  Stacy Schnieber, a teammate, best college friend of Melissa's organized the food for the luncheon.  And the rest of the Kelts family took it from there.  There was enough food to serve the 200 people that attended.  There was laughter, tears, stories and lots of love.  THAT is the definition of family.

(And I want to say that WE felt that love too when Melissa died.  Between the Kelts and our friends who took over the planning for the celebration of Melissa's life after her mass, we were touched by their love and generosity.)

The Kelts continue to show their love, including us in pretty much everything.  We are a part of their family.

And now, John and Diana (and Aileen, Erin and Tonia) will feel that love too.  They saw it yesterday. All (Big) John could say was "they are amazing".  We know that.

Your son was a part of the Kelts family, and YOU are too.  They will never forget.

THAT is family.

Celebrating J Mac at Rhinegeist...a place I know he loved

Harry and Jeannie.  Harry was John's Best Man when John and Melissa got married.

Grandma Fortener saying goodbye to Big John

The newest member of the Kelts...Hula and Molly's little girl!

We usually go in the back door at Haps.  This time, Uber dropped us off at the front door.  What a nice surprise we got...the FORT sticker is on the window as you walk in the front door!

J Mac's Kelts family surrounds him...he is in the photo on top of the cooler - along with his rugby cleats!

Three cheers for Johnny Mac...

Hip Hip Hooray!

Hip Hip Hooray!

Hip Hip Hooray!

Donny, Pauly and me.

Me, Ang, Allen, Donny and Big John

I told JMacs dad that the last time I saw JMac at Haps, we did a shot together. So his dad recreated that moment...

with me and his Kelts family!

Big John and Pauly.  I'm pretty sure I know who they are talking about...

more J Mac stories...

JMacs sister, Erin and Nick.  She lost her only brother, Nick lost his only sibling and sister.

I think they  found a sibling in each other...

John and Diana commissioned an artist in NC to paint this...our favorite of both of them!

Our last stop on the way home was David's Cemetery.  Diana wanted us to share the flowers with Melissa and JP.  

Some of you know this already, but Johnny Mac will be interred with Melissa and JP soon.  We decided to completely re-do the headstone.  We have already talked to Dodds Monuments and redesigned everything.  Changing the photo from Melissa to Melissa and John.  All three of their names will be on the headstone.  

I knew they were going to take the headstone away (to grind it down, repolish and engrave the new design)...I just didn't know when.  I really wasn't prepared to see it GONE when we got there today.  I guess I wanted one last look...thank goodness we've taken multiple pictures of it...

***

This seems to be a good time to plug the FORT 5K since I have you here...

Put Sunday, April 30 on your calendars!  You can register @ fort5k.itsyourrace.com.

Early registration has been extended until April 15.

Hope we see you there.

(Just a note...the puzzle has been going off the whole time I've been typing here.  I hope she's ok with everything I've said.  And I hope J Mac knows how much we love him...)