B Positive

So here we are. Ten (plus) years later. And we still have pretty much everything of Melissa's. Whatever we had that she left (when she left home), whatever we had that she left here that last Christmas, and two carloads of her things after John passed away.

My last post was about going through things at Mom and Dad's house. The more I went through things, the more I realized that I don't want Nick to have to do this. EVER.

We have done some updates on the house and I think it was kind of a way to avoid the inevitable...the big PURGE.

So it's been an emotional, well, YEAR. Ten years is a lot harder than I thought it would be. We talked about having a get together of some of Melissa's closest friends, but trying to get a date that works has been difficult. Everyone is busy. Life goes on.

I thought (HA!) that after Dad passed away things would slow down, which they have, and I could go on, start enjoying life. I have a lot of experience with this grieving thing, and your parents are SUPPOSED to go before you. But I miss my Dad. Got through his birthday, and maybe I'm struggling because Father's Day is coming up. I don't know...but I'm struggling.

So - letting go. I'm learning.

First, we recently had all our interior doors replaced. Yesterday, Matt came to finish the closet doors. When Melissa was in high school, she put bumper stickers on her closet door. I guess I should have discouraged that, but for some reason, it never bothered me. Until now. We were replacing those doors...and something that she TOUCHED. Something that she DID. I reminded myself all night to be sure to take a picture. We got up early, I had to go to the store, the boys came over at 9 and I FORGOT. I remembered when we were on our way to Rugby. Thankfully, Matt was accommodating and he took the picture before he disposed of the doors. Sounds odd, doesn't it, that that was something important??? But it was. And I let it go. Step 1.

Step 2. A couple of months ago, good friends of Melissa and John's had their first baby, a little boy.
He was John's best friend. As a matter of fact, this is the same couple that had Melissa's car, and when they were ready to let it go, they called us to see if we wanted it (somehow they knew we would). So anyway, I never got around to sending anything for the baby. I knew they would be at rugby, so I wanted to bring something. In the basement, we have a plastic bag that Melissa saved. With JP's things. The bridesmaids dress she wore the night she went into labor is in it. The scrapbook she made of all the pictures they took of JP. Teddy bears. A rattle. The blanket he was wrapped in. A couple of onesies that I bought (we never had a chance to have a shower). And a Kelts jersey - infant sized. Perfect for the little boy of their best friend. It was really hard to let it go...we thought about framing it. But why? He'll grow into it soon. I can't wait to see pictures.
They were touched to receive it. Of course I took a few pictures before I let it go...

Kelts 25 Year Anniversary

So despite the struggle, we can't miss the Kelts. Once a Kelt, Always a Kelt. We were not going to miss this. Nick actually participated in all of the events - Cabrewing, kickball, Haps, the Banquet.
He is missing is only sibling, but has a hundred siblings with the Kelts. They truly treat him like one of their own. I hope they know how much that means to us. They are HIS side of the family. They are truly family.

At the Banquet, the Fort Spirit Award went to Netti. I am hoping to get a copy of the nomination to share. Netti was one of Melissa's teammates and now (with Paulie) one of the primary organizers of the Breast Cancer Fundraiser (which by the way is OCTOBER 12 this year).

Fort Spirit Award winner - Netti!

They said this was the biggest banquet ever. 150 people attended - from all over the country (and Cincinnati of course). Once a Kelt, Always a Kelt. Doesn't matter how long it's been. They come back.

Got a few shots at the matches - the Old Girls and Old Boys are awesome. And fun. And Amazing.
We are so proud to be a part of the Kelts family.

Keira, a former teammate of Melissa's, came in from California with her family!

The Old Girls. Fort's teammates (I was hoping for an orb. I'm sure she and JMac were there)

Ready to play...

Still ready...

Not sure what this play was (a called play for sure), but when they kicked off, they all fell to the ground. I love these girls. (can someone explain this to me please?)

Action shots - they did run a little. (the old girls. the young girls were a little hung over, I heard)

Lots of kids. The Kelts family is growing!!!

And of course at the end of the match, the traditional tunnel. Biggest one I've ever seen!

Old Girls

Andrew, Daddy, Ziggy

Mike Merz. "Never Underestimate an OLD MAN with a RUGBY BALL". He spoke at JP's funeral. Gave JP a KELTS patch. I'll never forget that. JP is part of the Kelt's family too.

The panoramic doesn't do justice to the number of people that were there Saturday. Biggest crowd since we've been going - the last ten years.

Andrew and Max, practicing. Just in case. (Andrew got in for the last play-Nick never went in, too many guys hurt this year. The Old Boys play seriously. One broken nose, two other injuries. I think two went to the hospital!!! This was a "fun" match!)

Kiwi made hot dogs and the kids delivered them.

Old boys.

Tunnel for the Old Boys too.

Group picture. 25 years of Kelts.

Max.

Andrew

Andrew and Nathaniel. One of Melissa's college rugby teammates son.

Henry and Nathaniel.

Paulie - introducing Hall of Famers.

Kat, 2018 Hall of Famer.

Andy McQuade, 2018 Hall of Famer

Donny, me, Amy, E

Donny, me, Amy, E, Jamie

me, Amy, Tex, E, Jamie

Max, Nick, Tony, Andrew

Rugby moms

Jimmy Shea and Nick

Me and Paulie (I look tired. I WAS)

Rugby Hall of Famers (I get to represent FORT)

I cannot express enough the love that we have for this group. Every year they include us in whatever activities, games, events they hold. We don't make everything, but we've only missed the breast cancer fundraiser once in ten years, and haven't missed the Hall of Fame yet. They have included us in their (and Melissa & John's) family and we are forever grateful.

***

So you wonder, how can you be struggling with so much love? I don't know. But it sure helped tonight to put all this in writing. I was going to go to bed early, but decided to get this done and not put it off (something my daughter learned from me - procrastination). She always said she did things better when she was under pressure. She did. I don't. And I feel better for it tonight.

One day at a time. STILL.

I'm missing my daughter, my grandson, my son in law, my sister, brother, Mom, Dad. And two best friends.

And I'm still here.

These two have something to do with that...

these three.

So bottom line....I am still a work in progress. Always will be, until I see my daughter again.

per-spec-tive
noun
a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view.

It's amazing how your perspective changes in light of a tragedy. I know SO well.
You look at things differently when you are dealt a hand you never dreamed you'd get.
My perspective changed when we lost Melissa. "Don't sweat the small stuff." And you find out it's ALL small stuff (comparatively).

So this week has been emotional, starting with late on Memorial Day. I was struggling through the weekend. ANOTHER holiday without Melissa. EVERY holiday is hard because holidays are when we would see her. (she would have a busy life, I'm sure - she wanted 3 kids that would keep her busy!). But we would see her on the holiday. So I was feeling sorry for myself. Went to bed early and Donny yelled up that there was a tornado warning. It was about 10:30 p.m. I got up and started watching the weather reports. This time was unlike other times there have been warnings. The forecaster got emotional. The anchor (Cheryl McHenry) took over until she composed herself. She KNEW this was a bad one.

Radar of the tornado(s).

I watched until about 1 a.m. They knew it was going to be devastating, but it was late and while they had reports and some footage of the damage, we wouldn't know until morning how bad it actually was. Donny and I took videos out the windows looking north. I don't know WHY we didn't take cover. We should have. (Tornados can turn on a dime.) It was eerily calm in Kettering. You could see the ominous clouds when the lightning lit up the sky, and you could hear the wind. But there was NO wind where we were.

The footage on the news all day the next day proved what they had said. The damage was catastrophic. Oddly, from north of Dayton (Celina, OH) to Brookville, Trotwood, Englewood, Vandalia, Old North Dayton, Riverside, Beavercreek. Several communities were affected. It seemed impossible that ONE tornado could travel that far. It didn't. Turns out there were 19 tornados in Ohio that night - 13 in the Dayton area. The biggest was an EF4 (the strongest hurricane is EF5).

You can imagine the devastation.

I watched all day Tuesday. You get this overwhelming urge to do SOMETHING. But where do you even begin? I tried to get in touch with people that I knew were in affected areas. I did know a few people who were in the path. One was Dad's nurses aide from Traditions. She just found out that her apartment is uninhabitable. Her car was destroyed. Other friends had tree damage.

One of my friends from grade school and high school lives near Trotwood (off 75 near Benchwood, which was hit pretty hard. I'll share more of her story in a minute.

So Tuesday was pretty much just taking it all in. Videos on the news, pictures in the paper.

Wednesday I went to Dad's house (where my nephew is living) to start going through 50 years worth of Mom & Dad's stuff. LOTS of stuff. (Matthew moved into Mom and Dad's house 3 days before his mom passed away. It was completely furnished. Then he brought all his stuff in. Then he had to have a place for all of his MOM'S stuff. The house is overflowing.

Emotional. I am very sentimental, so more interested in those kinds of things. Photos (we haven't even looked at the 7-8 shoebox size tubs of photos), framed photos (probably 50-60). I found a folder that was filled with typed papers - a paper was stapled on the inside cover of the folder. It was mom's draft of a book of her life - Ten or eleven chapters. Starting with Chapter 1-The Davies.

Chapter 2-The Kennedys. Chapter 3-Clementine St.

She actually completed about 5 chapters. Through meeting my Dad. I learned more about my mom reading those five chapters than I ever knew. She never talked about her life growing up.

Boxes and Boxes and bags full of stuff.

My mom's philosophy was always "When in doubt, throw it out." She also always said "Don't do as I do, do as I say". She never threw anything out. I think we found a receipt for everything they ever bought (in 60+ years). We've thrown a lot out. I brought 2 boxes home (so far). A lot is going to Corner Cupboard Charities (as soon as we go through everything.

Some of the "stuff" I found...

these were coupons in the pack of Raleigh cigarettes. You saved them and cashed them in for MORE stuff you could find in their catalogs.

8 track tapes. We used to play these in the car. Took up half the car.

(we got rid of these. I don't think there are 8 track players any more!)

Mom, Dad and my brother Steve on his First Communion Day.

Dad and all his neighborhood buddies.

A holiday at Mom and Dad's.

A picture I never saw of Donny and Melissa.

Mom and Dad's grandkids.

1930-Dad was born

1932-Mom was born

38-Nick's number in football

I think I'll take those.

I've never seen so much in one house. I told Donny that. SO MUCH stuff. Why?????

So I'm literally complaining about all the stuff.

So this morning, another emotional day. Today is Donny's birthday. And Dad's. First time in 45 years Donny and Dad haven't celebrated their birthday together. (there were a few years they weren't home, but for the most part, we celebrated together every year.) We started the day at Golden Nugget for breakfast. It's close to the cemetery so we could visit dad. Stopped and got some flowers and headed over.

Happy Birthday Donny & Dad. Could not forsee the day I would be taking their picture together like THIS.

We left the cemetery and decided to tour the tornado affected areas. The videos and still photos don't give you a true depiction of the devastation. It DID inspire me to do SOMETHING. We got on 75N and drove toward North Dayton/Vandalia area. Got off the highway at Benchwood Road (where it crossed the highway). There was a Lumberyard that was completely destroyed, trees snapped, metal wrapping poles, wrapping branches high in trees, trees uprooted. Huge, old trees uprooted. This was ONE of the tornados damage.

We got right back on the highway and headed south, about 2-3 mile, got off on Wagner Ford Rd. A gas station completely demolished. An old hotel (where my class reunion was held a few times) destroyed. In the parking lot of the hotel, several tents set up, lots of cases of water and people cooking on grills. A school was about a block north of that, damage to the roof and trees down. About a mile from there, we drove past a cemetery. Flowers decorated the graves and gravestones, untouched.

We came to Needmore Rd and turned right (east) to Troy St., where we turned right. There were a few branches down and uprooted trees. That was the first couple of miles. Then complete utter devastation. Power lines down (but off the street-streets were open), trees on power lines. Houses with no roofs, no windows. NOTHING inside. Doll houses.

From there, we got on Route 4, going North. Immediately on the left, Dayton Children's Hospital. Untouched. A huge crane sitting by a building that is under construction. Untouched.

About a half a mile later on the right (where the tornado crossed the highway) Action Sports Complex, destroyed. (there was a huge indoor soccer complex - held two soccer fields). Destroyed.

From there we got off the highway at Woodman Drive, went south toward Riverside, past the Air Force Museum. Mostly untouched (heard there was some damage, but we couldn't see it from the road, and it was open. There were lots of cars in the parking lot.)

Somehow, it missed Children's Hospital and The Air Force Museum.

We then went east on Airway Road, through Page Manor (formerly Base housing). Damage there, mostly trees and branches down. Some roof damage.

We went a couple of miles, past Wright Patterson Air Force Base turned right on Grange Hall, then left on Pentagon (which turns into New Germany Trebein) past several businesses, and Soin Medical Center (where Dad when for his dislocated finger). All untouched.

Then right on N. Fairfield Rd, past the Fairfield Mall. The road was closed a couple of days ago in front of the Target. It's open now. But you can see there where the tornado crossed - devastated several businesses - Abuelo's, Chick Filet, Mike's Carwash and a small shopping center with 3 or 4 businesses.

Then right on Kemp road, past EG Shaw Elementary, where I went to K-1st grade, where tents were set up with water and food and lots of volunteers. Past multiple houses with uprooted trees, windows out and roof damage.

Finally headed home. With a new perspective.

How in the world can I complain that I have TOO MUCH, when there are people who lost everything? Who still don't have power.

My friend Terre lives near Benchwood, close to where one tornado first touched down. She lives in a double and is a full-time caregiver to her 93 year old mom.

When it was on the news that night, she knew she had to get her mom to a safe place (their place is one story - brick ranch double.) One bedroom has no windows, so her mom was on the floor there, where Terre covered her with pillows, blankets and couch cushions. She went back out to their living room, and minutes after she did, a 6 inch diameter tree branch came crashing through her bay window, landing inches in front of her. Glass exploded. She was unhurt, thankfully.

Terre does reiki. Not sure if you are familiar with reiki, but reiki is a" healing technique based on the principle that the therapist can channel energy into the patient by means of touch, to activate the natural healing process".

Terre went outside and did reiki on her plants in the garden, on her apartment, and on her car in her driveway. As the storm is passing over. She said she saw it going over, and knew if it dropped it would not be good.

The plants in the window where the tree crashed through were untouched. They never moved. Still sitting there.

Her car in the driveway was untouched - her neighbors car in the driveway (it's a double driveway) right next to hers had the windows blown out. They couldn't understand how Terre's was untouched!

Terre's place. Front window where tree went through!

A tub of food, case of water and Gatorade brought to each person in her neighborhoods house, compliments of Convoy of Hope.

Terre's backyard backs up to Dayton Memorial Park Cemetery on N Dixie Dr. Normally, you can see the headstones on the other side of the fence. Now all you can see are felled trees. Headstones are covered.

Trees uprooted, landed on wires. The plants, garden that Terre did reiki on, untouched. That's a glass top table that was untouched.

Trees split in back yard.

Plants sitting on her garden, untouched - while trees were uprooted right next to them!

Tree in her back yard.

The only pictures I took were at Terre's. I felt like a gawker when we toured the devastation. I asked Terre if it was ok to tell her story. I think she's still in shock. And her house is STANDING.

I did not go empty handed. After seeing the devastation in the morning, I knew that we had to do SOMETHING. We can't help everyone, but we can help SOMEONE!

We started by dropping off toilet paper to Fairmont (the Principal, Tyler Alexander posted on Twitter that they were collecting TP to be distributed. Then to Terre's. Hopefully she can restock her refrigerator when her power comes back on.

Tyler Alexander's (Principal at Fairmont) office got TP'd!!!

So how in the HELL can I complain about having too much?????

Perspective. It sure changed today.

I stopped by Dad's house to see if they were doing anything today - Matthew had it covered for today.

On my way home, the sky opened up. It was pretty ominous. I didn't go through what thousands of people in this community went through, and this scared ME!

On a B POSITIVE note....I got a couple signs from my Dad today - his birthday.

On the way to the cemetery, there was a car in front of us with a NAVY bumper sticker (dad was in the Navy.) I was pretty sure he was letting me know he knew I remembered.

Then on the way to Terre's, while my head was on a SWIVEL looking at all the devastation,

I suddenly realized the song playing on the radio was "In the Navy" by the Village People!!!!

I am POSITIVE my signs from Dad will be something about the Navy.

Thanks Dad!!!! I love you, I miss you and HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!

***

We did celebrate Donny's birthday today. Mostly family. It was kind of a "Retirement Birthday" since he turned 65. I feel guilty that I never had a retirement party for him. I was too busy taking care of Dad. So we christened the deck with a small gathering for his birthday. As the summer goes on (if it ever stops raining) we'll hopefully do more entertaining.