Thursday, June 28, 2012

I did it.....



RETIRED.....
Fort would be happy.  I know...because it would mean I could spend more time visiting HER.  She loved my lunch visits (maybe it had something to do with me paying for lunch?)...I know Nick is pretty happy about it too ~ more time to help out with the kids - which I love.  And Donny?  Well, not as excited as the kids, only because HE would love to retire too.  He only has a few more years, and by the time he retires, the house will be paid off.  Believe it or not, I look forward to when he is retired too so we can do some travelling. 

Until then, I have LOTS of odd jobs to do around the house.  I've become, what I call, an "organized hoarder".  In the last three years not a lot has been done around the house (actually, the last 9 years).
Every time things started getting cluttered, I'd buy baskets.  Organize stuff in baskets.  The first week out of retirement I went through all those baskets.  What in the world was I thinking????  I don't know why I saved any of the stuff.  Mostly now I only keep Melissa things.  So I got started on that.
Then I decided to redo the downstairs bathroom.  You know, just pull down that wallpaper and paint...HA!  I don't know about you, but taking down wallpaper is NOT a one day project.  Turns out I needed to spackle, sand and clean up the dust  from the sanding before I could even open a can of paint....and that's where I am today.

But I'm getting a little ahead of myself here...thought I'd reflect a little on my work history.  Pretty interesting really (to me anyway)...of course like every other girl, my first job was babysitting, seventh grade (for one of my teacher's kids!). That was 1968.  In 1972, I had a Journal Herald paper route (long enough to get through "NewsBOYS" day - girls weren't permitted to have paper routes back then, I shared a route with my brother and it was in HIS name!).  After that, got a job at Clancy's as a short order cook (which is really funny - since I am probably the worst cook ever!) Donny was the bartender same time I was working in the kitchen! 
After graduation, got my first "real" job - full time Personnel Secretary at Goodwill Industries.  Starting salary - $90/wk.  I was living in an apartment with a girlfriend from high school-Jerri.
Our rent was $165 month.  Not much left over for food/utilities, and I didn't have a car - Donny was driving the car I bought back and forth to Wilmington! 
Took the state Civil Service exam, had the highest score so I had to take the first job offered - at the Welfare Dept.  NOT my favorite job.  Transferred to Bureau of Vocational Rehabilitation as soon as a position opened.  Before I transferred, got married June 26, 1976.
LOVED my job at BVR, but left December 1977, a few weeks before Melissa was born (1/5/78).
Went back to BVR in August of 78...needed the money.  Paid a sitter $25/week to come to the house.
She would call me every day "OH-Melissa took a step today." or "OH - Melissa said ..." I hated it.
Nine months later I was pregnant with Nick and decided to be a stay at home mom.  BEST decision I ever made.  I LOVED staying home with the kids.
Before I went to work for Kettering schools in 1985 - had LOTS of part time jobs. 
Elder Beerman, Lesko Photography, U.D. Arena, and lots of odd jobs with Crown Temporary Services. 
When Nick started first grade, I started part time at Greenmont Elementary.  Was there for 5 years.
Then one year at Oakview as a classroom aide.
In 1991, Rusty Clifford (the new Principal at Moraine Meadows, now Superintendant of W.Carrollton Schools!) hired me, Jackie Geary and Josh Stucky on the same day.  We ended up working together for 20 years.  I loved EVERY minute at Moraine Meadows.  I was the Librarian, Writing to Read Coordinator, Intramurals Director, Volunteer Coordinator, picture taker, Reading Incentive Program coordinator...you name it. I couldn't say NO to anything.  And I loved it.
Went through 5 GREAT Principals at MM. 
I really thing Melissa and Nick LOVED the fact that I worked in the school system.  I was home when they were home for holidays, Spring Break and all summer.  We had a lot of fun when they were kids...I had a lot of fun when they were kids!  I had the best of both worlds for sure.

Then, in 2010, the dream ended.  The handwriting was on the wall...there had been talk for many years that Moraine Meadows was just too small and would eventually be closed.  As long as the district was raking in MILLIONS of dollars from the GM plant, we did stay open.  As soon as GM closed, they closed us.  VERY SAD day for me and the entire staff at MM.  We were all moved to schools across the district.  I chose to go back to Greenmont, where I started 20 years previously.
Nothing against Greenmont, but it just wasn't the same.  I had planned on retiring with Jackie from
MM.  Now, Jackie was fighting cancer, she was in a different building, Melissa was gone, all my friends from MM were in different buildings...my heart just wasn't in it any more. 

I always knew when I felt that way it would be time to go.  They need someone who had the enthusiasm that I once had...so after 26 years with Kettering Schools (plus 3 years from BVR) I was able to retire with 29 years....and here I am.  BUSIER than ever in my first few weeks of
retirement. 
In the last month I've been on a vacation to Saugatuck, MI with MM friends, torn apart a bathroom,
gone through multiple baskets of who knows what (and made the house a TON lighter taking stuff to Goodwill), reconnected with friends from BVR, celebrated our 36th anniversary and watched the kids at least a couple of days a week.

BUSY is good, or so I'm told.  I did have a few minutes of "idle" time last week. Of course, thought of Melissa ~ missing her terribly...and what do you know?  VIVA LA VIDA came on the radio.  Haven't heard it in a  long time.  But I needed to know she was around, and she came through.

Donny has been blessed with a couple of Melissa dreams (we call them "visits").  When I was in Michigan, he had a dream (visit) I was in it too - it was the three of us.  He said he KNEW it was a visit, and he wanted to ask her some things.  He asked her if it was hard to do "this" (visit).  She said "YES".  He asked her to blow in his face.  She did.  He said "NO. Not now, later" (like when he woke up) She just laughed.  He also asked her what heaven was like.  She said "It's impossible to tell".
Must be REALLY beautiful.  He said at the end of the dream, they were cheek to cheek, and he woke up - he cheek was warm - like she was there. 
I'm still hoping for a visit.  Hasn't happened yet...

There are good things in my life.  Nick and Mere are in their new home, happy.  Drew and Max are healthy and happy little boys.  Drew starts preschool in the fall already.

I stay in touch with Melissa's friends - most often with Angie (who has some exciting news herself!)
All good things.

But not a DAY goes by that I don't think of Melissa.  In fact, despite what someone told me once (that eventually she wouldn't be the first thing I thought of when I got up in the morning)...she IS the first thing I think about every morning.  Might be the message she left me on my dresser mirror many years ago - I'll always be grateful for THAT.) And I miss her EVERY single day.  Always will.
You NEVER "get over" losing a child.  You just get through each day the best you can. One day at a time.

I am thankful for a loving husband, a healthy son, a wonderful daughter in law, two happy grandsons and caring friends.

And I know what Melissa LOVED to end with (she would probably be a little upset with this long post...sorry Fort)....
so without further ado...a few pics of the BUSY "ness" that was June....

                                                             

                                           Last day at Greenmont
                                        Me and Caleb Fortener-yep. Related.
                                           Me, Angie, butterflies...

My "Retirement" party - Thanks MM friends!


Dad and Donny's birthday

Rugby - Old Girls Game - had a display
with lots of pictures - here's one of Fort.
They retired her jersey and gave it to us too.
I love those girls.



Father's Day - me and my dad.


Moraine Meadows friends in Saugatuck, Mi.

                                                       

                               Butterfly horse- Carousel in St. Joseph, MI.
                                     
                                                  

                                    Dune ride group shot.
                                    


And of course a post would not be complete without a
pic of Andrew and Max.

We have a small pool in the backyard, and they
aren't much into wearing bathing suits. And well,
when ya gotta go, ya gotta go....


...got paint on my hands (primer).  It's dry now, so the painting
begins!  The bathroom should be finished soon.  Fort wanted
me to paint this bathroom green (for some reason, I remember
that - so Fort...it's green (a shade of green)...for YOU.
(If it looks good, I'll post pictures...)

Enjoy the summer.




Thursday, May 17, 2012

And the 2012 Recipient of the Melissa Fortener McLaughlin Scholarship is...


Fairmont High School Senior

MELANIE WEST

There were 21 applicants this year.  Greg and Denise Nelson, Donny and Angie were on the selection committee.   While there were several deserving candidates, Melanie's essay stood out among the rest.  Her sense of humor showed in her writing (like Fort), she was involved in the Spirit Chain for the United Student Body (like Fort).  She will paying for her college - working the last two years to save for college.  Fort paid for the majority of her college education also.  Melanie is a VERY deserving candidate  and we are pleased to present her with the 2012 scholarship.  She will be attending Wright State University majoring in Mechanical Engineering. 
Congratulations Melanie!!!!

Donny, Melanie, Pam, Angie

*********************

Mother's Day

Not an easy day...although Nick, Mere and the boys made me smile...on Saturday.  They have been very accommodating when it comes to holidays.   They really went overboard this year - I got a beautiful Willowtree statue (that I have begun to collect), it's a mom (grandma)and two little boys,
two butterflies for the gardens and a beautiful wall hanging with a letter to "mom"...PLUS a cashmere sweater (with a breast cancer ribbon) from Mere's mom.  Overboard...but SO nice.
(Thanks Nick & Mere, Drew & Max!)
Sunday, off to the boat for some mindless activity...a good way "around" another holiday.
Donny and I took a good friend from Compassionate Friends.  (She is not a gambler, but needed to
get away too.  She accidently put $5 in a $5 slot maching - and won $100.  I told her it was her Mother's Day present from her son!  She liked that...)
My beautiful daughter in law, Mere, with a rose from her LOVING
husband (from grandma's roses)

Nick, Drew, Pamma, Max



A rose from Grandma Fortener's
rose "tree"


Not a rose bush, a rose TREE.  At least 25 roses
on this thing!

********************************

That's Why I'm Here.....
A couple of weeks ago, Donny and I were at Books and Co., saw that Chris Spielman (former Ohio State football player, also played for the Lions and Buffalo, is now an ESPN Sports Analyst) was going to be there signing his book That's Why I'm Here.  He lost his wife Stefanie to breast cancer about 6 months after Melissa passed away.  He started a foundation in her name to raise money for research.  The story he tells is very similar to Melissa's story.  His wife was diagnosed at 30, fought it for 12 years.  I was very impressed with the work his foundation is doing.  He only spoke for about 10 minutes, then started the book signing.  He listened intently to each person that came through the line (I think 75 #s were given out)...and took pictures of survivors to put on his FB page, also pictures with anyone else that wanted one.  The book REinspired me to get started on MELISSA'S book... plan on starting on it this summer.

Pam and Chris Spielman

****************************

FAIRMONT SOFTBALL FUNDRAISER
"Firebirds Fighting Cancer"

This year, the JV & Varsity Softball teams raised over $600 for Melissa's Scholarship fund...

THANKS FIREBIRDS!



****************************

ANOTHER butterfly.....!

My students KNOW how much I love butterflies...and I literally have recieved over 100 butterflies in the last two years!
This one was from a fifth grader.  Saw it at the store and his mom said "if you want to spend your money on this..."
and he said "YEP".   Wow. 


Pam (holding solar butterfly) and Shawn

*****************


Mrs. Geary's Reading Bench

Southdale Elementary School (where Moraine Meadows students and four MM teachers went)
dedicated a READING BENCH to my colleague and friend, Jackie Geary.


Jonathan Cooper (Principal), Carrie, Debbie, Lisa
Pam, Josh, Pam (former MM staff members)

************************

RUGBY

CINCY vs. DAYTON

A beautiful day for a rugby match...and OH how I miss seeing Melissa out there...but how I LOVE seeing her friends...they are so good to us....(plus they are a little more patient explaining rugby to me than Melissa was...I guess she thought I should understand the game after explaining it to me for TEN years....I'm getting a little better.  I think.


Ok...I think this is called a "line out"...am I right? 
Notice the green shirt - that's Coach Curt.  On the shirt
it says  "15 years of history - a lifetime of memories"
At the top of the rugby ball, it says FORT, then the
names of two other players who have passed, and LOTS
of rugby memories.  Now my favorite rugby shirt.

(Until the "OLD GIRLS play - May 26 in Dayton - that shirt
is AWESOME.  Fort would LOVE it.  Will post a picture
when I get one!)



Jen "Smitty" (former rugby coach and friend),
Tammy, former teammate and friend.
Now MY friends.


Will post information about the upcoming OLD GIRLS and OLD BOYS matches
soon.  If you've never seen a rugby match, this would be a good day to watch.
Should be interesting....


********************

DREW and MAX

Fort seemed to always end with something cute about Drew.  Whenever I have something to share, I try to do that too.  When we got home from the Awards Ceremony tonight, we had a message on the answering machine.  It was Max (with Mere in the background) telling us that he pooped in the big boy toilet.  He was SO excited.  Mere was telling Drew to say "HI Pamma and PopPop" he said it, then he said "THEY'RE NOT TALKING TO ME"...just doesn't understand "leaving a message" I guess!  But it reminded me of when the kids were little, we had one of them (can't remember which one) call Grandma to wish her a happy birthday.  We put them on the phone, said "Say Happy Birthday".  So they said Happy Birthday.  Then they said "it's still ringing"....
Oh well.  I wish I would have written down EVERYTHING they said.  My advice to you -
get a journal when they're little AND WRITE EVERYTHING DOWN.  You WILL forget. 
I'm writing down everything Drew and Max say now...they'll be sorry.

****

Ten days.












Tuesday, April 24, 2012

April Showers

Another busy month...birthdays, holidays, school events....and getting used to a new blogger setup...
hard for me, but I actually think Fort would love this new setup...



Jack & Annie of the Magic Tree House Series by Mary Pope Osborne visit Greenmont

Easter Egg Hunt at the Fortener's

Max & Drew with cousin Joey (who was born a month after JP!) at
Fortener Easter Egg Hunt

Donny Max & Drew at Fairmont JV Softball Tournament
"Firebirds Fighting Cancer" proceeds to Melissa's Scholarship!


Bob Franz (of the infamous Franz family) JV Softball Coach
Honoring Melissa

Pam throws the first pitch....

Happy 90th Birthday Howard!



Doolittles Raiders celebrated the 70th Anniversary @ WPAFB.
The planes from Doolittles Raiders flew over the city that day -
RIGHT OVER my school!


Looking at all the exciting things that have been happening in the last month,  you might find this hard to believe...but the last couple of weeks have been really hard.  I guess I'll call it "April showers"...in my own little world.  "Showers" in the form of tears.  Don't always know what sets them off...I'm guessing Easter.  And coming up, Mother's Day....and finding things like the stickers above that she had in her scrapbook bag that I decided to look through.
I like to think that I KNOW why she bought these (I do - they were for Drew's scrapbook that she never got to finish. She took it to the hospital to work on, never had the energy to get to it - although she had everything she needed at her fingertips if she ever had the energy to do it)
I can see her shopping at the scrapbook store and seeing these...

HOMEMADE...
GRATITUDE...
WHERE YOU LIVE...
Warm place...
do it yourself (THAT Is probably the sticker that made her buy this!)..
down in the dumps...
family vacation...
joy...
CARE...
Happy Home...
Mother knows best...
Good Values...
sunshine...
protective...
good things...
TOGETHER...
Parent...
balancing act...
Calm...
comfort...
Life...
loved...
mom...
enjoy the party...
Remember.
all of these things are Melissa. I'm pretty sure she had a picture in mind for every sticker.
I miss her so much...every single day....
Don't sweat the small stuff...hug your kids and tell them you love them
EVERY day.

















Looking at all the exciting things that have been happening in the last month,  you might find this hard to believe...but the last couple of weeks have been really hard.  I guess I'll call it "April showers"...in my own little world.  "Showers" in the form of tears.  Don't always know what sets them off...I'm guessing Easter.  And coming up, Mother's Day....and finding things like the stickers above that she had in her scrapbook bag that I decided to look through.
I like to think that I KNOW why she bought these (I do - they were for Drew's scrapbook that she never got to finish. She took it to the hospital to work on, never had the energy to get to it - although she had everything she needed at her fingertips if she ever had the energy to do it)
I can see her shopping at the scrapbook store and seeing these...

HOMEMADE...
GRATITUDE...
WHERE YOU LIVE...
Warm place...
do it yourself (THAT Is probably the sticker that made her buy this!)..
down in the dumps...
family vacation...
joy...
CARE...
Happy Home...
Mother knows best...
Good Values...
sunshine...
protective...
good things...
TOGETHER...
Parent...
balancing act...
Calm...
comfort...
Life...
loved...
mom...
enjoy the party...
Remember.
all of these things are Melissa. I'm pretty sure she had a picture in mind for every sticker.
I miss her so much...every single day....

Don't sweat the small stuff...hug your kids and tell them you love them EVERY day.

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Happy Birthday Andrew - 4/4 he's 4!

Four years ago today...our second grandson arrived...ANDREW CHARLES. Our family was growing. And he came when we needed him. He got to meet his Aunt Fort and spend lots of time with her. I hope he remembers her. Nick, Mere, Donny and I ALL talk about Aunt Fort to Drew and Max.
Last few days, Andrew was about the reason Melissa would wake up. She LOVED him. He made her smile...and he's STILL making us smile. Happy Birthday Andrew Charles... WE LOVE YOU!

Andrew...THRILLED with his new STAR WARS legos!














Pamma, Andrew, PopPop in his new STAR WARS bedroom! Happy Birthday Drew!





























Aunt Fort LOVED Drew!




















*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Spring...
not sure why, maybe it's ANOTHER season without Melissa...VERY sad lately. Going through pictures , trying to find some of her with Andrew...I just look at the pictures and can't believe she's gone. Just can't be possible.
I KNOW it has to be hard to understand how someone could possibly be in so much pain - even after three years. But there are days when the pain is unbelievable.
Still.
We are so blessed to have friends who accept us for who we are TODAY. Lately I havebeen going to the Compassionate Friends page on Facebook. It is a GODSEND. Helps me, and a lot of bereaved parents, understand that we are truly not alone. We are NOT crazy. If you get a chance, check it out sometime. I have never seen a post from someone who hasn't lost a child, but it really gives you insight into where we are...early in our grief or ten - fifteen years into our grief. It never goes away. We just learn to get through one day at a time, and accept the fact that there will be days that will be hard to get through. Days that we want to turn back the clock and CHANGE what happened. But somehow, we get through those days.
If you get a chance to read some of the posts, it will help you understand what to say, what NOT to say, and why we do what we do. We hold on to every thread to keep our kids with us. But we all understand that we go through this differently, and there is NO right way to grieve and NO timetables.

So another spring is here, and I am missing Melissa terribly...could be Easter too.
I just miss her.

Please don't ever forget her....and when you think of a story or something she said or did that made you laugh...tell us....we LOVE that...

Happy Easter - enjoy your families!

Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Melissa Fortener McLaughlin "B" Positive Award goes to...

Makayla Waterman....AGAIN!


As we watched the team this year, I sometimes wondered WHO would receive the award this year...who most closely represents Melissa's B POSITIVE spirit...her positive attitude not just about the game, but about LIFE.

It was really no surprise that Makayla received the award again this year. Makayla
kept a positive attitude through adversity - last summer, she tore her ACL playing AAU ball. She sat out the first half of the season, came back into the game a few minutes at a time after the first of the year.

On this amazing team, Makayla is one of the TOP players. She is already being recruited by several Division 1 colleges. I know how hard she had to work to get back into the game when she did.

Reminds me A LOT of Melissa and the adversity SHE faced. She never gave up. NEVER.
She fought EVERY SINGLE DAY, for Melissa, to get back to work. For Makayla, to get back to the game that she loves so much.

Melissa ALWAYS had a smile on her face - even though there were some really difficult days. Even at the end.

Makayla ALWAYS has a smile on her face...even when she was sitting on the bench, waiting to get back into the game, cheering on the team. Just like Melissa - waiting to get back into the game...of life.

Makayla has a promising future ahead of her, and we are SO HONORED that Coach Cogan and his assistants chose Makayla for Melissa's award. She was the PERFECT choice this year.

Congratualations Makayla...I wish you could have met Melissa. She would be honored too!
*******************************************************************************

The Banquet...didn't even recognize the girls all dressed up!















After the State Finals...Chelsea Welch (AWESOME point guard for Fairmont), Pam, and Brianna Welch (who played for Fairmont a couple of years ago, now plays for Fairmont State in W.VA.)...both former students of mine from Moraine Meadows (ok - Chelsea only went there in Kindergarten, I think Brianna went there until 4th grade)













Lindsay, my cousin Leanne's daughter,was pulled up to Varsity from JV for the tournament. Each girl was introduced (including non-starters) for the finals...here
she is on the BIG SCREEN about the court at the Schottenstein in Columbus...and she's a FRESHMAN!!! (didn't get in, but had the best seat in the house!)













Chelsea Welch (Fairmont MVP) on the big screen at the Schottenstein Center before the finals...giving a message about Sportsmanship. GREAT JOB CHELSEA!















Fairmont Firebirds after a win against Colerain (Lindsay is back row, right next to Head coach - Tim Cogan - on the left)













Pam & Lindsay, after the Colerain game in the tournament. Fort would be SO PROUD! (She actually went to some of Lindsays basketball games when she was in grade school - she would LOVE that Lindsay is playing for Fairmont now!)and she DID get into this game!













Nick & Mere's new house...ALMOST ready!












***************************************************************************
Josh with some of "Jackie's Books"....One year ago March 18, we lost a colleague,a good friend (one of my BEST friends) and to the kids, a great reading teacher.
$4000 was donated for Jackie's Books. Mike (Jackie's husband), Josh, Rodney, Debbie and I went to Books and Co. to purchase the books, then stamped each book with
"Jackie's Books"
In Loving Memory
Jackie Geary
Moraine Meadows Teacher

The books were donated to Children's Hospital in Dayton (to their new Library),
to Artemis Center (a referral service for battered women) to their new library
and to Southdale Elementary, where Jackie taught for a couple of months after
Moraine Meadows closed.
She will ALWAYS be remembered...LOVE YOU JACKIE!!!!














This is where I want my bed, Pamma! (in the new house)













Happy Birthday Mere! (Don't have the story of the day SHE was born...have to get that from HER mom!