Pink Games

 Fall 2014, I was scrolling through Facebook, happened to notice a post by  University of Dayton Women's Basketball.  It included a photo of the team at the Making Strides Breast Cancer Walk in downtown Dayton.  They were wearing long sleeve, black shirts with DAYTON in pink.   I posted a comment asking where I could order one.  I think I got a message from the secretary of the Athletic Office. I ended up calling her, and in the course of the conversation, I told her about Melissa.  By the end of the conversation, she asked if I would come talk to the team about Melissa's story.

Jim Jabir was the head coach at the time, and Shauna Green was one of his assistants.  I went to their practice a couple of days later, and talked to the team and the coaches.  After sharing her story and some breast cancer information, we handed out the FORT bracelets.  

Winter, 2016, Shauna was at a game scouting.  I thought she looked familiar, so I asked if she was the new coach at UD.  When I told her that I talked to the team about breast cancer, she remembered.  Asked if I would talk to the team again before the Pink Game.  

Each time I shared Melissa's story, I gained a little confidence.  

I share her story because she was an athlete.  And healthy.  And young.  Close to their age.

It is so important for young women to understand the importance of knowing your family history (breast, ovarian, prostate and pancreatic cancer are all related).  It's important to let your doctor know your family history.  We didn't know at the time, but Melissa carried the BRCA2 gene.  Before she was diagnosed, we knew nothing about the BRCA gene. That breast cancer doesn't just come from the mother's side.

Testing positive for the BRCA gene makes you high risk for those cancers.  Knowledge is power.  However, women (and men) are diagnosed with cancer even if they are not high risk.  But knowing you are high risk can help in detecting cancer earlier.  Early detection SAVES LIVES.I shared her story with the UD Women's team three times.  

Shauna left UD in 2022 to take the head coach job at Illinois.  She contacted me before the Pink Game in January and asked if I would talk to her team that year.

Last year I talked to UD women's team again (under Tamika Williams-Jeter, who Melissa played against in high school.  Tamika went CJ, then played basketball for UConn).

Shauna's assistant coach, Ryan Genslar (who happened to be a Springboro neighbor of Nick), got the head coaching job for Women's Basketball at Akron.  He invited me to talk to his team before the Pink Game this year.

I talked to Maddy about sharing Melissa's story with the ND team before their Pink Game.  The week before the game, Maddy messaged me, asking if we'd like to come to practice and share Melissa's story.

And next week, we are visiting Ohio University for their Pink Game.  Chelsea Welch, who played for Fairmont, is an assistant coach there.  Look forward to visiting some of Melissa's old haunts.

I hope sharing her story helps.  I know how much it helps us.  Helping is healing.  Sharing keeps her alive for us, and helps us never forget the stories.  

We broke some records for basketball watching last week...started with UD men's game with Ed and Lynn last Friday.  Saturday, we drove to ND, game Sunday,  Came home Monday just in time for Fairmont girls game, boys game Tuesday, girls game Wednesday.  Then on to Louisville for ND game.  Friday, left for Akron, game on Saturday, then home.  Sunday to Illinois for their Pink Game!  Got home Monday, Donny went to UD game last night.  Let's see...that's 8 games for me, 9 for Donny!  Can't get enough.

Notre Dame Women's Basketball team 2023-24

front row: 

Jenna Brown, Niele Ivey (head coach) Donny, Pam, Sara , Cass Prosper

back row: Coach Carlos Knox (ass't), Maddy Westbeld, Olivia Miles, KK Bransford, Nat Marshall

Emma Risch, Kylie Watson, Becky Obinma, Anna DeWolfe, Sonia Citron, Hanna Hidalgo

I sent this picture to our friend Marjory (her daughter Kaylah plays for Fairmont). 

She messaged me back and said she knew the Assistant Coach,  Carlos Knox.  

He went to Meadowdale HS in Dayton.  Her dad coached him in little league baseball.

Got them connected!!!  Small world!!!

Donny.  ND ball boy.

ND Practice

The Golden Dome

The Chapel

The Grotto

Lit candles for Donny's sister Mary, and cousin Lynn.

Erskine's came up for ND game, met them at Portillo's

 (didn't even KNOW there was a Portillo's in South Bend!)

Pink Game

Maddy introduced

Kelly Erskine is a breast cancer survivor.  She was in the Survivor walk at halftime!

(in the pink BIRDS shirt). Survivors escorted by ND football players.

ND WINS!  Us and Anna DeWolfe.

Maddy (and Donny) talking to a friend of Maddy's who played for Pitt!

Our room number...and Maddy's number!!

Next up, ND @ Louisville.  Met my high school friend, Mary Schmidt for lunch.

Captains Quarters on the Ohio River!  Very nice!!

Donny immediately notices they have "Notre Dame" chairs!!! (right colors, anyway!)

Me and Mary.  Friends since 1970! Went to Carroll HS freshman year together, then

we each transferred to a different HS.

YUM Arena, Louisville.

I sat next to this guy first.  He asked if we had someone playing.  His niece used to play

for ND.  He lives in Evansville, (across the river)and supports whenever ND is close.

When Donny sat next to him, he asked if he new Greg Nelson (our good friend)...he GRADUATED 

with Greg!!!

Jim Westbeld  brought some friends from HS (Carroll). The guy on the 

right was our paperboy (Kevin Sorice) when we lived in Belmont!!

Kevin Sorice having fun with the Louisville crowd!

Officials reviewing a play.  We were right behind the scorers table. Too close.

So this guy comes up to us after game, asks if the players come out. Then

asks Susan is she's Maddy's mom.  He went to Fairmont, friend of Nick's.  His

daughter went to Maddy's basketball camp at Fairmont last summer!  Small World!

Akron

Met Cassie and Casey at Lock 15 for lunch before Akron game!

Donny, Pam, ZIPPY, Cassie, Casey

Free shirts!!

Akron game

Illinois Pink Game

Illinois

Mary and Pam

Pam, Cassie, Casey

Pam, Cassie, Casey, Ryan (head coach, Akron)

Ryan, Donny, Pam

Philip, Kelly, Pam, Emily, Donny, Sarah, Jules with

Muffett McGraw (ND)

Akron basketball team!

So, I always ended a post with Andrew...because Melissa usually did. 

Nick, Andrew and Max were supposed to meet us in Akron for the 

Pink game.  (Nick went to Akron).  We got a call a few hours before they were

supposed to be there. Not coming.  A weight fell on Andrew's foot at 

weightlifting.  Nick had to take him to Urgent Care for X-rays. 

Fortunately, no fractures, but a deep bruise.  Boot and crutches for a week or two.  Should

be ready for Lacrosse.

Will post pics from Ohio University next week.  

Hoping for a sign from Melissa!! 

It was a great week.  We are exhausted, get a week off before we have more games, then 

March Madness!!  Hoping some of our teams move on in the tournament.

And as much as I'll miss the games...when they are over, SPRING is here.

And Lacrosse starts for Andrew and Max. WOO HOO!! CAN'T WAIT!!

Enjoy!

GO IRISH!!!

GO FIREBIRDS!!!

GO ILLINI!!!

GO ZIPS!!!

GO BOBCATS!!!

Surviving the Loss ~ 15 Years Later

Fifteen years ago, posting on the blog was something I did on a more regular basis.  I felt like I needed to keep it up for Melissa.  When she was in the hospital, then Hospice, I would encourage her to write when she was feeling up to it.  It was easier to keep everyone updated on the blog than to make phone calls or text.  I remember one time in the hospital, she had the the laptop on her lap.  She kept falling asleep, and had a hard time entering the password.  When her eyes were closed (I THOUGHT she was asleep!), I reached for the laptop to put the password in.  She stopped me...she held on to the laptop, looked at me and said "What was the theme of my childhood???"  My first thought was "I'm her mother.  I should KNOW that...."  Then she said "I can do it myself".  I laughed, because it was SO true.  She was very independent.  Always.  So I let her do it herself.  She was able to post up until Christmas Eve.  Her last post.  Just a few days after Christmas she was having a hard time breathing.  She had oxygen at home (our house), but it wasn't enough.  The Hospice nurse came to check on her and said she needed to go back to Hospice.  She wasn't happy about that.  She loved being "home".  But that wasn't an option.

So she was back at Hospice.  Five days.  No energy to post, much less stay awake very long.

After she passed,  I finally realized I had to do something.  I was literally rolled in a ball on the couch for a couple of weeks.  I sat up one day and told Donny I wanted to go to the girls basketball game.  It was the last thing she wanted to do, that she never got a chance to do.  She wanted to go Christmas shopping and we got her to Target, in a wheelchair with oxygen, just a few days before Christmas.  But we never got her to the game.  So we started going.  And haven't stopped.  15 years later.

The other thing that helped me was updating on the blog.  A few people continued to follow.  What I found was writing was  cathartic for me.  Helped me get through the hard days.  Eventually found Compassionate Friends, a support group for parents who lost a child (or children).   I volunteered to be the librarian for the chapter, and got involved on the steering committee.  Writing was always helpful for me, so I volunteered to run a meeting.  At that session, everyone got a Composition Notebook and a pen.  And we wrote.  Memories of our kids.  Letters to our kids.  Funny things they said or did.  How we got through bad days.  What might be helpful to other bereaved parents.

It helped me to share my good days and bad days, and what I learned through my new friends at Compassionate Friends.   In the last few years, I've only updated on her anniversary (or as some say, Angelversary).  Kind of helps me to look back on the year and to realize that I have made progress.  Early on, it was something as simple as going to the grocery store.  Or answering the phone.  What I was feeling that first year was physical pain.  There is literally physical pain when you lose a child.  It took a few years to realized that I was NOT alone.  I would not be the last person to lose a child.  And I could be there to comfort the next bereaved parent.  Helping is healing.  I used the blog to help non-bereaved parents understand how to walk through the mine field of a bereaved parents emotions.  

But mostly, I've updated so I can look back, when I feel like I accomplished nothing in the last year, and see that, YES, I did find a way to live my new life, and to enjoy each day.  Of course, there are days (still) that I would prefer to be alone in my thoughts.  Donny and I are both still grieving.  Right now, he is working on a list of all the funny things she (ever) said.  Fortunately, I wrote a lot of things down. Plus we have the blog to refer to.  When she was in the hospital and Hospice, I kept meticulous notes of doctors appointments, medications, phone numbers, messages.  And funny things she said.   That will be another post!  

So to prove to myself that we are indeed living life to the fullest, I take pictures to look back on.  We seem to get busier every year.  I thought I had them in chronological order, but the blog evidently picks the order.  

Andrew (or Drew, as Fort called him), is now a sophomore in HS.  Started on Varsity football this year, right guard.  Not a good season for the team, but he did well, learned a lot.   And we made every game.

Softball wives met for lunch.  Great group!

Our concert friends.  And Wilmington friends...and Compassionate Friends.

All mixed together.  Rooster & Mary, Mange & Mary, Randi & Carolyn.

Grade school friend, Marianne.

High school friends Dave and Gary (Gary is grade school friend too)

Celebrating Melissa's birthday.  Tradition.

Easter at Aunt Judy's

I think this was Mother's Day.

Andrew.  Lacrosse.

Our neighbors son, Mike and his wife Leslie. And Nick.

Mike was a senior in high school when we moved in.  Nick was 3.

They were in town for a visit!

At Chris and Jenn's wedding.  Mere, Nicole, Megan

Jan, Mike, me

Chris (groom) and me (Uncle Pam to Chris)

Andrew/goalie.

Max got to be the goalie in a game just to try it out.  

Mother's Day luncheon at Walnut Grove Country Club.

My Mother's Day gift.  Laying mulch and planting flowers!

Mother's Day.

Family photo day.

Fort Scholarship Winners 2023

Megan Sherrick, Sophia Raucci, Lena Barr, O'Malley Quinlan

Mother's Day at Walnut Grove

Alexandria, VA with Chris and Jenn (DC Trip with Andrew and Max)

Sam Pearson 5K (with Randi and Carolyn Pearson)

Happy Birthday Donny and Mike

PopPop, Max, Andrew

Quality time with Ed & Lynn (at Carmel's-now closed)

Second Street Market with Madeline, Susan & Kathryn

Kelts reunion (with Chuck)

Andrew/goalie.

Hilton Head

Hilton Head

High School friends (Carroll) Carla, Marianne, Jaye

47th wedding anniversary @ Cooper's hawk

After Lacrosse game.

Gettysburg with Andrew and Max

DC with Andrew & Max

Poultry Days with Andrew and Jim Schulte

Getting ready to enter the White House!

Lunch at The Hamilton (across from WH) with high school friend, Patti.

Lunch at The Hamilton with Chris, Patti and Jaye and the boys

Old Towne Alexandria with Chris and Jenn

Celebrating with Nick and Matthew

Max

Concert at the Fraze

Rooftop Beatles Tribute - with lead guitarist Patrick Himes (son of Sally Himes, former 

co-worker at Moraine Meadows!) with Ed & Lynn

Hilton Head

Max's game.  Couldn't figure out why every time he came out of the game (he played both sides of the ball) he was on the bench.  Didn't look good after the game.  Went to doctor next day, Strep throat!

But he played the entire game and didn't complain.  

My birthday buddy, John (high school friend)

Visit to Melissa, John and JP...on a regular basis.  

Andrew spotlighted before game.

Promo for Fort 5K.

High school friend, Karen,  in town from Alabama.  

Karen (in green), Diane, June, Marla, me, Susan

At party at Josh and Brent's

First day of school.  Max (8th grade), Andrew (sophomore)

Willy and Ricki's wedding

Mary and Frank in town for a visit! (Mary and I went to Carroll our freshman year, then both transferred to different high schools. Have been friends for 55 years!!!

Max.  Offense.

Myrtle Beach softball tournament.  Me, Linda, Cuda, Judy, Gary

Andrew and Coach.

Went to see The Grinch at The Schuster with Debbie and Lisa (MM friends)

Kelts Breast Cancer Fundraiser.

Show at the Schuster with Ed & Lynn

Fort 5K with Jim & Kim (longtime friends, and volunteers at 5K)

Us with Kaylah @ 5K (Fairmont basketball player)

Karen and Charley at 5K (drove up from Alabama for the event!)

Boys and girls basketball teams volunteered at 5K

At the Capitol of the United States with Chris, Andrew and Max

Inside door on Pennsylvania Avenue (under Presidential Seal)

600 Pennsylvania Avenue

Kaylah, Nico and us after a game

Matthew (my nephew) invited us to the ceremony at Sinclair when he completed the 

class for Journeyman Electrician

At Shamrock Classic in Washington, DC.  Notre Dame vs. Illinois

Us with Maddy Westbeld (ND) after the game.

Us with Adalia McKenzie (Illinois) after the game

Thanksgiving at Nick and Mere's

Me and Kelly Hart (Fort Award winner) after Hall of Fame for Cassie Sant

Marla (best friend from high school, and in our wedding) & me (going to Rubi Girls)

Me and India Summer (Brent)

Ran into JaVonna Layfield (friend/former player) at UD basketball game!

Ran into Calamity McIntire at Fairmont/Springboro game. (Ass't coach at IL)

Me and Ace (I used to babysit Ace.) Ran into him & his mom at Fairmont game!

Me and Amanda Westbeld.  She's illustrating a children's book I wrote!!

Fortener Christmas

Nick and Santa.  

Game time at Fortener's.  Losers.

Annual photo.  We need to take it earlier!

Coach Green at Illinois keeps a Fort bracelet on her water bottle. 

Fort is at more games than I am. 

Celebrating Melissa's 46th birthday.

Berlin, OH for Classic in the Country Basketball 

Patti (high school friend) in town for Class reunion

Celebrating birthdays with Donny's siblings

Visit to Illinois Women's basketball to share Melissa's story before Pink game.

Feb. 2023

This year, I'm sharing at U of Akron (head coach, Ryan Gentler, former Illini Ass't.)and 

Ohio University both before Pink games.

Carillon Park Christmas

Shauna Green after Illinois/OSU game

Jan 2023

Joan Raine and me.  Former colleague from Greenmont.  1985.

She was a Kindergarten teacher, I worked on playground & in cafeteria.

She was Cassie Sant's kindergarten teacher and attended the Hall of Fame for Cassie.

At Illinois

Ran into Jenna Burdette and Jenna Giaccone at Lock 27 Brewery downtown.

Both former players at UD, now coaches.  Jenna B @ Marshall and Jenna G. @ IL.

March Madness at ND.  Illinois played, then ND.

Washington, DC

Basketball Fort Award Recipient, Grace Buskard

ND at Ball State

Concert at the Murphy Theatre in Wilmington with Mange and Mary

ND @ Louisville. Me and Donny. Susan & Jim Westbeld behind us.

Game where Olivia Miles got hurt (her dad is far right, next to Donny.)

She's been out all of this year.

This photo is hanging in our living room.  

They both seem so content.  And happy. 

Celebrating Melissa's birthday at BDubs.  Just happened to be 

sitting next to some Ruggers. ( I was eavesdropping on their conversation.

Figured out they were ruggers.  They didn't KNOW her, but knew OF her. I love it)

Jenn's bridal shower.

Kathryn surprised Maddy at ND game!  Flew in from Europe and totally surprised her!)

Dinner after game

Cassie Sant's induction into Fairmont Hall of Fame

Chelsea and Cassie (former Fairmont players)

Adalia McKenzie.  Playing for Fort

After the game.

Went to see Madison Bartley play at Ball State (when she played for Belmont) Now plays for Baylor.

Me and Kaylah.

Stopped to see Karen and Charley in Alabama on way to Ryan and Macey's wedding.

Ryan's wedding weekend

Donny, Chris, Nick

Macey, Donny, me, Ryan

Max's game

Andrew's game

Bart's game

Maddy's game

Nail spa after Maddy's game

WW Class of 73 50 year reunion with Marla

Fort's blog.  Had to put their smiling faces here.

this is the photo on their headstone.

Matthew's Teresa's granddaughter (Riley?) at Carillion Christmas

                                         

                                              Tree trimmers singing Happy Birthday to our neighbor, Shirley on  

                                             her 88th birthday!

  

So the answer to "How do you survive the loss of a child???"  We hear that a lot.  The answer is, you don't have a choice.  You learn to live with it.  And for us, sharing Melissa's story, enjoying our grandchildren, and enjoying the things Melissa loved has helped us.  

And I have said this before.  I will NEVER stop talking about her.  Sharing her story.  Unfortunately, I have no new stories, but she lived HER life to the fullest and left us with a lot of memories.   We are forever grateful for that.  

Love you and miss you EVERY. SINGLE. DAY Melissa Marie.