Think when you PINK

 Well, here we are again...closing in on October.  Breast Cancer Awareness Month.  While I am thankful that there is a whole month dedicated to bringing awareness to breast cancer, it is a difficult month.  Another reminder that my daughter did not survive this dreadful disease.

Andrew plays football in Springboro for the Wee Panthers.  I like what they are doing.  Instead of just handing out pink "stuff" for the kids to wear this month, they are having a Think When You PINK walk.  Both the Wee Football and Cheerleaders will organize at the high school football field and do two laps - the first a quiet lap in reflection of those fighting the disease and those who lost the battle, and a second lap in celebration of the hope.  They have chosen to bring awareness to these kids of WHY we wear pink in October.  Why you see PINK everywhere you go in October.  Andrew & Max understand...we talk about it all of the time.  I really like this idea.  We donated pink FORT bracelets to Andrew's team and coaches.

And before I forget,  THANK YOU Laura (Lulu - high school friend of Melissa's) for sharing Melissa's story and selling FORT bracelets at the Wee Firebirds games today.  We will LOVE seeing kids in Kettering wearing their bracelets!

While I am all for bringing awareness to breast cancer...I think the majority of women know that they should do regular breast checks and when to start getting mammograms.  A lot of money goes into bringing awareness to breast cancer.  They've done a good job of that.   It's time to start funneling some money to research for METASTATIC Breast Cancer.  Women (& men) do not die of cancer of the breast.  If breast cancer is caught early, you can survive breast cancer.  My mother in law is one of those survivors!!!  You WILL die of breast cancer if it metastasizes to other organs.  THAT is where the research needs to be.  How can we treat metastatic disease so those who are diagnosed can LIVE with the disease.    When Melissa was diagnosed, the cancer was in 9 of 19 lymph nodes.  It was on it's way to spreading to other organs....

Off my soapbox.

I worked with Andrew & Max today making signs to carry at the Think when you PINK event.

These were the practice signs...

Max's sign ^

Andrew's sign ^

Had a busy weekend with the boys - 

a couple of games of checkers...

a visit to Windmill Farm

a hayride...

a couple of pumpkins...

they are growing!  This is becoming a tradition!

I think Andrew will be taller than me next year...and he's only in second grade!

Kept them busy - and made mommy & daddy happy!

Funny story - at Andrew's football game yesterday, Max was sitting next to Mere's brother,

Brad.  The cheerleaders were throwing wrapped candy, and of course Max got some each time they threw it up in the stands.  Here is the conversation between Max & Uncle Brad...

Uncle Brad: "Max.  Did you have lunch today?"

Max: "No."

Uncle Brad:  "Why are you eating so much candy?"

Max:  "Because I didn't have any lunch."

Duh.

Just to clear things up,  according to Mere, he DID have lunch.  Max tends to forget things occasionally.  And to be honest, he just didn't see what was wrong with eating candy for lunch.

Oh to be six again.

And Andrew.

When he woke up this morning, as soon as he opened his eyes he said "Pamma.  Aunt Fort was in my dream last night.  She gave me a hug and a kiss and she told me she loved me.  Then she disappeared into thin air."

Interesting thing, I heard Andrew laughing out loud in his sleep.  He wasn't awake.  He was asleep.  And laughing.  Wonder if Aunt Fort was tickling him before she hugged him?  

It was a good weekend for the beginning of a tough month.  

Wear your pink, and don't forget, THINK WHEN YOU PINK!

Fall(ing)

Sitting here on a beautiful Sunday morning.  Just finished reading the paper, waiting for Donny to get home from the softball tournament.  He's been in Dalton, Ga. since Wednesday.  Talked to him every day...he's really enjoying it.  They did really well, played their last game this morning.  Lost in the semi-finals.  Found out after the game he was selected to be on the All-American team.  He had 21 hits in 4 games, only 5 outs in nine games.  So proud of him.  And so happy that he finally did something like this.  He has never taken a trip with a bunch of guys like this.  I have taken multiple trips with friends in the past.  He really needed this.

So why this post today?  I don't think many people read this any more, so it's a safe place for me to go.

Might be difficult for some to understand, especially since it's coming up on seven years.  I feel like I am spiraling downward.  It's like this every fall...Melissa's favorite season. Used to be mine too.  But now all I do is dread what is coming.  Starting with the leaves changing colors...who would think that would bring on such sadness.  Never used to.  Now it's just a reminder of what used to be.  I remember how much Melissa loved the falls scents.  She had so many fall candles burning in her house I was afraid she would burn it down!  And the colors.  The browns, golds, reds...she loved decorating in the fall.  I mean, look at the picture on this blog, she LOVED LOVED LOVED the fall.  And all I can do is sit here with tears streaming down my face trying to appreciate this wonderful season.

Then we have October.  The 19th would be John Patrick (JP's) 12th birthday.  And we'll celebrate that, but without him.  Again.  The 30th is my sister Sue's birthday.  She would be 55.  And I'll celebrate that too.  Without her.  And the fact that it's Breast Cancer Awareness Month...UGH.  The one good thing that happens in October? The Kelts remember Melissa with a Breast Cancer Fundraiser.  Oct 17 this year.  We always go (except for last year, first one we missed-we were in California) and will never miss another one

And then the holidays begin.  And I fall apart.

I am so good in the spring and summer.  This time of year suffocates me.

The last four days, home alone.  I should have called someone and made plans to do SOMETHING.  But I have a hard time reaching out.  Really?  I have a hard time talking to anyone about how I am feeling.   I realize how hard it is for the people I love and who love me to see me like this.  So I put on a smile, and everything is ok.  Not really.

Started a clean eating program - good for a week.  Thanks to Mere & Nick.  It's helping.  And started a Yoga class last week.  Love that too.

Just in a funk and needed to get it out...have you ever gone a few days and not physically talked to someone?  Facebook does that to you. It's not good for you.

So, for today, I'm trying to motivate myself to take my 4 mile walk...then maybe pick up the kids and do something fun.  Get my mind off...what?  Melissa?  I don't know.

If only for a while, I'll do something that makes me smile.

It's the best I can do.