B POSITIVE

Just a reminder to myself.

Updated blog today, then decided to go back and read Melissa's posts.  Nov/Dec 2008.

My post today did not follow her protocol.  B POSITIVE.

Probably the hardest two months of her life, and I was laughing (through tears)reading her posts.  How did she do that?  I read all of the comments to her posts, including comments after she passed.  The consistent response was how she kept a positive attitude despite the challenges she was facing.

 She definitely inherited her dad's sense of humor.  We (Donny and I) talk all the time about having a positive attitude.  Donny is the eternal optimist.   I'm not a pessimist, I'm a realist.  So when I have facts in front of me, I tend to be realistic about a situation.  

Melissa was definitely like her Dad there, too.  She was only going to Hospice to "complete her healing".

We (Melissa and I) played this game.  I won't talk about what's REALLY going on,  if you don't.  We very rarely cried in front of each other.  Each of us was strong for the other.  

In the end, the nurses at Hospice told us to tell her it was ok to let go.  Imagine telling your child it's ok to go...forever.  I couldn't tell her when she was awake.   I wanted her to know that I was NOT giving up on her.  So I whispered it in her ear when she was sleeping.    Hardest thing I ever had to do.

So as I read her posts today, after updating the blog, I realized that she would not approve of the post today.  Most of the time when I update, I read and reread what I post.  And usually I feel good about it.  But not today.   So I went back and deleted it.  When I am in a better frame of mind, I'll update again.  It's good for me.  It's my way of connecting with her and keeping her alive through her blog.  

I love you Melissa.  I'm trying hard to B POSITIVE, but I miss you.  Every single day.  Your dad is doing the meeting next week - it's about Signs from your Loved Ones.  I need one from you, to share at the meeting AND here!  And while you're at it, how about some sunshine?  

And because Melissa would always end a post with a picture of Drew (Andrew), I honor her memory with her nephewS, Max and Andrew.  Oh, how she would love both of you!!!