14 Years Later....

Every year on my kids birthdays I would share with them the day they were born....they loved hearing the story of the day they were born.  Now I try to share that with my grandsons - My memories are not as vivid as their mom's, but I remember their births too.

Today is the day our first grandson was born.   And it was his last day on earth....But I remember that day as much as I remember my own kids births.

When Melissa told me she was pregnant, my reaction wasn't what it should have been for a grandma who was finding out that her first grandchild was on the way.  I was scared.  Melissa found out she was pregnant when she went to have the port put in for her chemo.  They did routine bloodwork/urinalysis and asked her right before she went into surgery if she knew she was pregnant.  At that point, they had to change the protocol for the anesthetic since she was pregnant.  She got really sick after the surgery (it was outpatient).  She was going to spend the night with us, have her first chemo treatment the next morning and then go to work.  John didn't come up because it was outpaitient surgery.  After she came out of surgery, she wanted me to call him to come up and spend the night.  She told him that night she was pregnant.

We took her to her first treatment, which was supposed to last for 3 hours.  After 15 minutes, she came out and said something was wrong with the port and she had to go back to the hospital for an ultrasound.  I wanted to go with her, but she insisted that it wouldn't take long and she was going to work right after.  So I didn't go.  She WAS going for an ultrasound, but it was to see how far along she was in her pregnancy.  Right after the ultrasound, she drove to our church (Ascension) and talked to the priest there.  She told him she was pregnant, AND recently diagnosed with breast cancer...and she had to make a decision.  Terminate?  Or not?  The priest there told her that whatever decision she made, God would understand.  Really, her life was at stake.  She had to put off her chemotherapy (because they couldn't start chemotherapy until she was in her second trimester) for a couple of weeks.  So they changed the protocol.  They would do a mastectomy first (and remove lymph nodes) and when the drains came out, they could start the chemo.  She really wanted to keep the baby, so did John.  So everything changed.  She had two drains that she had to empty every day.  When the fluid was down to 2cc (or something like that) every day, the drains would come out and she could start chemo.  Unfortunately, cancer did not stop growing while she was waiting for the drains to come out.
The cancer was in 9 of the 19 lymph nodes they took.  Not good.  But she wanted to keep the baby.

It took awhile, but as the weeks went by, we got more excited about this baby.  He was the light at the end of a long tunnel.  (On a side note, when Melissa was in the hospital a month before she passed away, she had a surprise visit from her rugby friend Lola.  I was there that night.  When Lola walked in the room, she said "I am SO glad you are here!  I've been wanting to tell you something for a long time!"  She told Lola that she was the ONLY person who was excited when she found out she was pregnant.  Not even her MOM was excited with that news.  I should have been...She was so happy that she was able to tell Lola that.  I'm so glad that Lola came to visit - I would have never known that either.)

So as her pregnancy progressed, she monitored even more closely because it was a high risk pregnancy.  They decided to have an ultrasound to find out what they were having - and in the meantime we had a baby book - trying to pick out girls names.  They had a boys name - John Patrick.
And JP it WAS.  We were so excited.  He was scheduled to be delivered the week between Christmas and New Years.  The light at the end of the tunnel.

Then, on October 18, Melissa was in her friend Karen's wedding.  We were at the wedding and reception.  I remember that at the reception she was having some back pain.  She was in a chair leaning against John...NEVER did I imagine that she was in labor.

We got home from the wedding (it was in Cincinnati) around midnight.  Right after we went to bed, turned out the light, the phone rang.  I could hear the ambulance in the background...and John was screaming..."the baby's coming, the baby's coming!!!!"  Somehow we found out what hospital they were going to - and I don't know how, but we found it.  When we walked into their room, Melissa was holding the baby.  Crying.  She said "I'm sorry Mom...."  Oh my God.  My beautiful daughter holding her son....he was beautiful...dark hair, all his fingers, all his toes.  Perfect.  And he was gone.
It was all a blur, but I remember every detail.  John & Diana drove in from NC, Nick was there, I think Angie, Stacy were there.  It was awful.  He was born just after midnight, early Sunday morning, October 19, 2003.  She didn't want to leave the hospital, she kept telling me "I can't leave him here mom..."

So.  The next day, we planned his funeral.

Today, he is buried with his mom and dad.  And for the first time in 14 years, he gets to celebrate his birthday with both his mom and dad.

We love you JP!  Someday we'll celebrate with you.