More Signs

I thought it was appropriate to post this week for a couple of reasons.  First of all, Donny gets home from Albuquerque late tomorrow - our 43rd anniversary.  He played softball in the Senior Olympics on the Dayton Classics softball team.   They ended up with a Silver medal.  Plus he's had a lot of fun. I chose not to go because we have multiple trips for softball this summer.  Kind of wish I would have gone,  but glad I was home to support a good friend who just lost her dad yesterday.

Anyway, Donny gets home just in time for our Compassionate Friends meeting.  He is the speaker this month.  He always volunteers for our meeting on Signs from our Loved Ones.  He is in the process of putting a book together on not just signs we've received, but others as well.

And perfectly timed, Melissa has been around.

A couple of weeks ago we finally had a beautiful day.  So I took my four mile walk.  Right before I left I got a message from Angie that Fort was in her dream the night before.  I love when her friends share when she visits.  I asked Angie "next time she visits, tell her to come see her mom.  I miss her".

So on my walk, as I approached Delco Park, I asked her to send me a song and let me know she was still with me.  (I listen to an old walkman-change the channels a lot)  For awhile when I would get to Delco Park, it was like a portal opened up and I could have a two way conversation with Melissa.
I was hoping she would hear me this time too.

The next song that came on the radio was The Promise by a group called When in Rome.  I think it was a one hit wonder song.  Anyway - the words immediately struck me...

If you need a friend, don't look to a stranger
You know in the end, I'll always be there
But when you're in doubt, and when you're in danger
Take a look all around, and I'll be there.

Two things.  The lyrics told me exactly what I needed to hear.  The name of the song - The Promise.  She was promising me she would always be around.

I had a rough month  last month, and I needed this comfort.  All I had to do was ask.

When I heard "take a look all around, and I'll be there."  I looked up and saw this...

She sent me a rainbow.  On a beautiful, blue sky day.  A promise.

This was the first sign.

I got a message from an old friend (he's actually a parent of former students from MM-and we are now friends).  

The message said "I have a miracle for you"

And I said "Melissa.  Is it Melissa???"

He proceeded to tell me his daughter was driving his Mom's car and was rear ended.  The guy who hit her took off.  When the police officer got there, he couldn't believe that it didn't hit the gas tank.

When the officer said that, Steve said "Fort stopped it."  Then he explained to the officer who Melissa was - and the car had a FORT sticker on it right where he hit.

Steve is convinced Melissa stopped it.  

His daughter was ok - but has whiplash which can be painful.  But it could have been worse.  

She's still around.

Then today, on another walk, I was rehearsing (in my head) a short speech that I will give at a ceremony we have been invited to.  I'll post about it after the event (July 24). It's about Melissa.

Anyway, as I'm rehearsing what I'm going to say (and listening to the radio on my walk) the song "Everything's gonna be alright"  comes on the radio.  

She's listening and telling me not to worry.

The thing about signs?  You have to listen.  You have to accept that they are trying to get through to you.  I believe everyone gets signs, some people just don't listen.

Excited to hear about other signs at the meeting.  I know Donny will add them to his book!

***

Took the boys to see the Menus at the Fraze - their first concert!  So much fun!!!

took ALL the boys...Andrew Max AND Nick!

Just wanted to get a picture of Donny before he left, and this is the pose I got.  Silly Donny.

Donny's team "all tatted up" for the big game.  The next game was for the Gold Medal.

Ended up winning the Silver.  

Silver Medalists

Great form. 

and he's cute too!!!

He'll be home just in time to celebrate our anniversary.  Absence makes the heart grow fonder.  

I'm ready for him to get home!!!

While he was gone, his sister Jan invited me to the Dragons game - got to see a friend I haven't seen in probably 10 years - Les Davis.  He worked security at UD when I worked there.  He knew Melissa and loved her too.  Said he still carries a picture of her when we went to a UD football game (my cousins son played for the opposing team.  Melissa asked Les to take her on the field for pictures - and I got a picture of them too!)  He was one of the last people in line at her funeral - he waited 3 hours...

Me & Les

I did get a few things done while Donny was gone.  Went through some of Dad's things.  Took 3 boxes of things to St. Vincent's, threw out a huge bag of "stuff", and found a few things I had been looking for.  And didn't make a dent.  I thought I needed a job.  I don't - I HAVE one!!!!

Enjoy the beautiful weather while it lasts!

Letting Go

So here we are.  Ten (plus) years later.  And we still have pretty much everything of Melissa's.  Whatever we had that she left (when she left home), whatever we had that she left here that last Christmas, and two carloads of her things after John passed away.

My last post was about going through things at Mom and Dad's house.  The more I went through things, the more I realized that I don't want Nick to have to do this.  EVER.

We have done some updates on the house and I think it was kind of a way to avoid the inevitable...the big PURGE.

So it's been an emotional, well, YEAR.  Ten years is a lot harder than I thought it would be.  We talked about having a get together of some of Melissa's closest friends, but trying to get a date that works has been difficult.  Everyone is busy.  Life goes on.

I thought (HA!) that after Dad passed away things would slow down, which they have, and I could go on, start enjoying life.  I have a lot of experience with this grieving thing, and your parents are SUPPOSED to go before you.  But I miss my Dad.  Got through his birthday, and maybe I'm struggling because Father's Day is coming up.  I don't know...but I'm struggling.

So - letting go.  I'm learning.

First,  we recently had all our interior doors replaced.   Yesterday, Matt came to finish the closet doors.  When Melissa was in high school, she put bumper stickers on her closet door.  I guess I should have discouraged that, but for some reason, it never bothered me.  Until now.  We were replacing those doors...and something that she TOUCHED.  Something that she DID.  I reminded myself all night to be sure to take a picture.  We got up early, I had to go to the store, the boys came over at 9 and I FORGOT.    I remembered when we were on our way to Rugby.  Thankfully, Matt was accommodating and he took the picture before he disposed of the doors.  Sounds odd, doesn't it, that that was something important???  But it was.  And I let it go.  Step 1.

Step 2.  A couple of months ago, good friends of Melissa and John's had their first baby, a little boy.
He was John's best friend.  As a matter of fact, this is the same couple that had Melissa's car, and when they were ready to let it go, they called us to see if we wanted it (somehow they knew we would).  So anyway, I never got around to sending anything for the baby.  I knew they would be at rugby, so I wanted to bring something.  In the basement, we have a plastic bag that Melissa saved.  With JP's things.  The bridesmaids dress she wore the night she went into labor is in it.  The scrapbook she made of all the pictures they took of JP.  Teddy bears.  A rattle.  The blanket he was wrapped in.  A couple of onesies that I bought (we never had a chance to have a shower).  And a Kelts jersey - infant sized.  Perfect for the little boy of their best friend.  It was really hard to let it go...we thought about framing it.  But why?  He'll grow into it soon.  I can't wait to see pictures.
They were touched to receive it.   Of course I took a few pictures before I let it go...

Kelts 25 Year Anniversary

So despite the struggle, we can't miss the Kelts.  Once a Kelt, Always a Kelt.  We were not going to miss this.  Nick actually participated in all of the events - Cabrewing, kickball, Haps, the Banquet.
He is missing is only sibling, but has a hundred siblings with the Kelts.  They truly treat him like one of their own.   I hope they know how much that means to us.  They are HIS side of the family.   They are truly family.

At the Banquet, the Fort Spirit Award went to Netti.  I am hoping to get a copy of the nomination to share.  Netti was one of Melissa's teammates and now (with Paulie) one of the primary organizers of the Breast Cancer Fundraiser (which by the way is OCTOBER 12 this year).

Fort Spirit Award winner - Netti!

They said this was the biggest banquet ever.  150 people attended - from all over the country (and Cincinnati of course).  Once a Kelt, Always a Kelt.  Doesn't matter how long it's been.  They come back.

Got a few shots at the matches - the Old Girls and Old Boys are awesome.  And fun.  And Amazing.
We are so proud to be a part of the Kelts family.

Keira, a former teammate of Melissa's, came in from California with her family!

The Old Girls.  Fort's teammates (I was hoping for an orb.  I'm sure she and JMac were there)

Ready to play...

Still ready...

Not sure what this play was (a called play for sure), but when they kicked off, they all fell to the ground.  I love these girls. (can someone explain this to me please?)

Action shots - they did run a little.  (the old girls.  the young girls were a little hung over, I heard)

Lots of kids.  The Kelts family is growing!!!

And of course at the end of the match, the traditional tunnel.  Biggest one I've ever seen!

Old Girls

Andrew, Daddy, Ziggy

Mike Merz.  "Never Underestimate an OLD MAN with a RUGBY BALL".  He spoke at JP's funeral. Gave JP a KELTS patch.  I'll never forget that.  JP is part of the Kelt's family too.

The panoramic doesn't do justice to the number of people that were there Saturday.  Biggest crowd since we've been going - the last ten years.

Andrew and Max, practicing. Just in case. (Andrew got in for the last play-Nick never went in, too many guys hurt this year.  The Old Boys play seriously.  One broken nose, two other injuries. I think two went to the hospital!!!  This was a "fun" match!)

Kiwi made hot dogs and the kids delivered them.  

Old boys.

Tunnel for the Old Boys too.

Group picture.  25 years of Kelts.  

Max.  

Andrew

Andrew and Nathaniel.   One of Melissa's college rugby teammates son.

Henry and Nathaniel.

Paulie - introducing Hall of Famers.

Kat,  2018 Hall of Famer.

Andy McQuade, 2018 Hall of Famer

Donny, me, Amy, E

Donny, me, Amy, E, Jamie

me, Amy, Tex, E, Jamie

Max, Nick, Tony, Andrew

Rugby moms

Jimmy Shea and Nick

Me and Paulie (I look tired. I WAS)

Rugby Hall of Famers (I get to represent FORT)

I cannot express enough the love that we have for this group.  Every year they include us in whatever activities, games, events they hold.  We don't make everything, but we've only missed the breast cancer fundraiser once in ten years, and haven't missed the Hall of Fame yet.  They have included us in their (and Melissa & John's) family and we are forever grateful.

***

So you wonder, how can you be struggling with so much love?  I don't know.  But it sure helped tonight to put all this in writing.  I was going to go to bed early, but decided to get this done and not put it off (something my daughter learned from me - procrastination).  She always said she did things better when she was under pressure.  She did.  I don't.  And I feel better for it tonight.

One day at a time.  STILL.   

I'm missing my daughter, my grandson, my son in law, my sister, brother, Mom, Dad.  And two best friends.  

And I'm still here.  

These two have something to do with that...

these three.

So bottom line....I am still a work in progress.  Always will be, until I see my daughter again.