To Mask or not to Mask?

Sitting here watching the news and I am dumbfounded.

The top news story today?  Parent's protesting because their child's school (elementary - kids who the vaccine is not available to yet) just issued a mask requirement.

Melissa sometimes would precede a post or a conversation with "I'm going to use the cancer card." Her reasoning was a little different than mine right now, but I am going to use the "Bereaved Parent card".

Around 15 years ago, my daughter started this blog.  She had just completed her first round of chemo for breast cancer and she had mouth sores and it was painful to talk on the phone.  So as a writer, this was her way of keeping everyone updated.

Melissa was diagnosed with breast cancer when she was 25.  Didn't know it at the time, but eventually learned that she carried the BRCA gene.  Had we known, she could have started getting mammograms (preventative measure for breast cancer) then.  But we didn't know.

She went on to go through chemo three times.  The last time was the worst.  The cancer advanced to her bones and her lungs.   I stayed with her 24/7 when she was in the hospital (with covid, I don't think that is possible).  At one point, there was fluid around her lungs and she had to have a tube inserted between her ribs (it was about the size of a straw) to remove the fluid.   Parasentecis (not sure of the spelling).  That was almost 13 years ago and I WILL NEVER FORGET the pain she went through with this procedure.  The night they took the tube out,  she sat up in bed GASPING for breath.  I ran into the hall to get a nurse or a doctor.  They put her on 100% oxygen.  You can find her post on that night somewhere on this blog. (December 2008).  Her comment was something like "a mom's work is never done".  She was 30 then.  A few weeks later she passed away.   Two days before her 31st birthday.

Since she passed away, I have found ways to keep her (memory) alive.  I talk about her ALL the time.  We have pictures (not the same as being here).  And videos (that feels more like she is still here-I can SEE and HEAR her talking!!!)

I have spoken to the Fairmont girls basketball team about Melissa and breast cancer.  And I have talked to the UD Women's Basketball team about Melissa and breast cancer.  The thing I stress the most is to be PROACTIVE.  Know your family history.  If you have a history of breast/ovarian/prostate cancer in your family, you could be high risk.   Make sure your doctor knows your family history and get checked early to prevent EARLY DEATH from breast cancer.

As a mother, I would have done ANYTHING to prevent my daughter's death.  I prayed.  I had people and churches all over the country (and people all over the world) praying for my daughter.  Unfortunately, prayers didn't save her.  The one thing that might have saved her was if we had known she carried the BRCA gene.  EARLY DETECTION is the key to surviving.

And what could this possibly have to do with wearing a mask, you say?

If there is even the slightest chance that your child will get this virus, isn't it worth preventing it?

I understand that chances that they will get very ill or be hospitalized are low.  But what about your neighbors child?  What about my grandchild?  What about the immunocompromised.  And truth be told, healthy kids are being hospitalized.  Do your research.  It is spreading like wildfire in Florida schools right now.  Masks work.  How many times did your kid get a cold last winter when masks were required?  How many times did they get strep throat?

As a parent, you do everything you can to keep your kids healthy.  They have yearly physicals.  You give them medications if they require them (antibiotics/epi pens/ADHD meds/allergy medications)  How many of those medications do you know all the ingredients?  You trust the EXPERTS that develop these medications.  Even though there are multiple side effects to some medications, you still administer them to your children.  Or yourself.  

So now we have two safe ways to prevent covid.  Vaccination and a MASK.  A simple piece of cloth that, while not 100% effective, prevents the spread of a dangerous virus.   

I understand that because the vaccine is being administered for emergency use and you might be hesitant because of that.  So a mask is the simplest way to prevent the spread of covid (and lots of other things that spread through droplets!)  

Would you not do ANYTHING to prevent your child from possibly contracting a deadly virus? And in the meantime protect other children as well?

*******

Maybe there's nothing I can say that will encourage you or convince you to get your child vaccinated or that it will "traumatize them" to wear a mask.

These are just some of the "side effects" of losing a child (not all bereaved parents experience all of these side effects, some experience others.  These were some of mine.)

I want you to think about this.  I CAN tell you what it's like to be a bereaved parent.

Can't sleep.  Stay awake all night (for many weeks) wondering "what could I have done differently to change this.  To stop this from happening. Was it my fault?"

Guilt.

Why me?

Why my child?

Can't go to the grocery store.  Too many things that I bought that she loved.

You lose the part of you that WAS actually part of you.  Physically.

There is nothing worse than watching your child suffer.  When your child is happy, you are happy.

Your friends talk about their children all the time.  If you are lucky, you will have friends who listen when you continue to talk about your deceased child.  

I cried every single day for the first two years.  I had no idea your body could produce that many tears.

Every holiday, every birthday, every vacation, every year when school starts, every time one of their friends graduates, gets married, has a child, gets a new job...all you will have is "what would my child be doing now".  And guessing.  And one seat will always be empty at your table.  

If you have more children,  you might have grandchildren some day.  If you only have one child, you lose your future. 

You lose friends, but you make new friends.  Other's who have lost a child.  Some of our best friends now are other parents who have lost a child.  We belong to a wonderful support group called Compassionate Friends.  I'm not speaking for any of them, but I'm pretty confident every one of the them would have done anything to save their child's life.  Personally, the thought that if all it took was a simple mask to save her life makes me laugh.  NO PROBLEM!!!!  I WANT HER HERE!!!!!!

I never in my wildest dreams ever thought I would lose a child.  And now, here I am.  

Oh.  You can survive the loss of child.  We have.  Almost thirteen years now.  And a grandson.  And a brother and sister.  

I know.  We are all going to die sometime.  But parents aren't supposed to bury their children.

If a simple mask would have saved my daughter's life, there would have been NO HESITATION on our part.  I would have sold my soul to the devil to save her life.  REALLY.  A mask???? And people are protesting?  Parents are protesting?  MOTHERS?  With their children?????? 

I am appalled. And saddened.  

And  pretty sure that our Compassionate Friends group will grow by leaps and bounds this year.

Trust me.  You don't want to walk in my shoes.  

Ending every post on my daughter's blog with  LOVE YOU MISS YOU Pretty girl!

But she will never respond.

I really don't want to see you at the next meeting.

And, if you still choose to protest and not vaccinate your child, or at the least have them wear a mask, then my recommendation is to start taking lots of pictures and videos.  They might come in handy some day.

                                                 Love you, miss you, Melissa Marie.  Every. Single. Day.

                                                    "WEAR A DAMN MASK!!!! "

                                   (Melissa just whispered that in my ear...she DOES still talk to me!)