She took care of it today.
It was a beautiful, brisk morning. Not a cloud in the sky. Decided to take my four mile walk. Put my headphones on as I walked out the gate from the backyard and the DJ said "we play everything. Right now, we have Viva La Vida by Cold Play…"
She heard me.
Whenever I hear it, it makes me smile, but it also makes me sad. This time was no different, except that after the song was over, I heard her. She was talking to me. We were having a conversation.
One thing she said was "Mom, all those hearts you see - they're from me. I'm going to send you a BIG HEART today".
I asked her if she knew Carrie (Roxy's daughter) or Courtney (Mange and Mary's daughter) and she said she was with BOTH of them. She also said "I'm happy. John should be happy too". I guess the only way to explain this conversation was like it was coming through headphones. Or telepathy. I could hear her say "MOM".
This conversation went on for the first half of the walk. She sends me hearts a lot. The first time was when we were at Grand Turk two summers ago. I was in the water at the beach and stepped on a rock. I picked it up with my toes to look at it - it was white and had an indentation on it that was heart shaped. I kept it - it's at her grave now. Since then, I have found other heart shaped rocks - but I have also seen heart shaped clouds - heart shaped spots on the ground, heart shaped leaves. I know it sounds crazy, but every time I see one, I think of Melissa and I know she is sending it to me - so I think of her. So today was no different - I saw several heart shaped things - and every time she would say - "No mom. That's not it". As I was walking through Delco Park, a song came on that started with these words "Are you feeling better? Do you feel the same?" I felt like she was talking to me through the song…I shook my head "YES" and "Do I feel the same …. "YES" I'm still sad, even though talking to her I felt better.
About ten minutes later on the walk, the song "Fat Bottomed Girls" came on - and I smiled and thought of Melissa…because if we were together she would say "so you think that's me, don't you mom?"…and again she was talking to me…"MOM. Why are you thinking of me when this song comes on?" and she laughed. I could hear her laugh.
It was a WONDERFUL walk today. And all the while I was looking for the BIG HEART she was sending me. I thought maybe it would be a cloud. But the sky was near cloudless today.
We picked up the boys and met Nick for pizza before the game. No heart yet.
At the game, I kept looking - still a pretty, cloudless sky. WHERE was this heart going to be. Was this conversation I had not real? It sure felt real. I could HEAR her voice. I could hear her laugh. I could feel her smile.
Fairmont won tonight - their second win. It was a good night, but still no heart…we were talking to Jack Meyers on the way out. Jack is my dad's age and is still working -neat guy. We were laughing at a story he was telling and I happened to glance to the right…and there it was. My heart.
My BIG HEART. She came through. Call it serendipity…call it a coincidence. But I call it a sign. And a sign that she PROMISED me.
Call me crazy, I don't care. She is with me every day…and today I talked to her. And she talked back. A real conversation. Something I have missed with her for almost six years.
Thank you Melissa. You made me smile today. I just wish I could wrap my arms around you…
I love you and miss you more every day.
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