10 Years

Not even sure where to start. 

So I guess this is as good as any.  I think I found this on one of our stops to St. Louis this summer. 

A weekly planner for 2019.  Gotta start Being positive SOMETIME, so it might as well be 2019.

Reflecting on my last post, CAREGIVING 101, I realized I can give great advice, I just don't follow it myself.  Typical.  I have learned in the last 10 years that if you haven't lived it, it's probably not a good idea to give advice about it.  Anything.  And even if you HAVE lived it (anything) every situation is different.

The last couple of months have been overwhelming.  Without going into a lot of detail, it is mostly about taking care of my Dad.  I am not writing about this because I want pity.  I just want patience.  God knows Donny has had the patience of Job in the last few months.  I don't know why he's stuck around.  

I think the last piece of advice I gave about Caregiving was "take care of yourself.  You can't take care of someone else if you don't take care of yourself".  Easier said than done.

Part of the issue here is the timing.  I am not a holiday person anymore (patience please).  Every year, the Monday before Thanksgiving brings back the memories of the beginning of the end for Melissa.  She went into the hospital that Monday.  She was in the hospital for Thanksgiving.  I had planned to have a "Kroger Thanksgiving" that year.  Melissa hadn't been feeling well, and I was spending most of my time with her.  When she went into the hospital, I cancelled those plans.  If you followed her blog, you know that she never came out of the hospital - from the hospital she went to Hospice.  She did get to come home for Christmas for ten days.  

So this year, it's just like THAT year.  Only this year it's Dad.   I'm having a hard time even thinking about the holidays.  Usually by this time (yes, after Melissa I eventually got back into the spirit, even if just a little bit) I have a box full of Christmas gifts.  Haven't bought the FIRST thing.  Haven't even thought about it.  Until now.  All of a sudden, every time I go into the store I am surrounded by Christmas stuff.  It might not get done this year.  

I did take my OWN advice and am seeing a counselor.  At Hospice.  Because Dad has Hospice care, they offer counseling (one on one AND group) for Caregivers.  Going to my second session tomorrow...10 years after Melissa went to the Hospital.  That Monday before Thanksgiving.  

If you read this, I would love to meet you for coffee sometime.  Or lunch.  Or you can come to my house for coffee.  I have a hard time reaching out.  I know the phone goes both ways, but I have a hard time asking for help.  

Got a call from a friend last week and I went to lunch and a movie (part of my homework from my counselor).  It felt good.  Donny & I have gone to a couple of basketball games already.  Our respite from reality.  

I will probably avoid Facebook on Thanksgiving.  This one will be just me and my Dad.  More than likely will be his last and I am not leaving him home alone.  So Wednesday, we'll have the boys, take them to a movie and have a Bob Evans Thanksgiving dinner.  Leftovers will go with me to Dad's and we'll watch football, movies and I'll take pictures.  

I am thankful that he is only five minutes away.  I am thankful that we have a roof over our heads (whenever I am feeling sorry for myself, I remember what Melissa always said "No matter how bad you have it, there is always someone who would love to be in your shoes!") Right now, there are 1000's of people in California who are living in tents and lost EVERYTHING in those fires.  I have nothing to complain about.  Really.   

Enjoy your family celebrations.  You are blessed if you have a family to celebrate with!  When I was in high school, I volunteered at the Thanksgiving Dinner that Elder Beerman used to put on.  It was open to anyone who wanted to come.  I appreciate the places that continue to serve Thanksgiving to people who have no family, are lonely or don't have the means to have their own Thanksgiving dinner.  

And I am looking forward to spending the day with Dad.  All he wants is lemon pie.  I used to make it every Thanksgiving.  Hmmmm....maybe I'll try again this week.  If I fail, there's always Mahaffie's!

And of course, nothing makes me happier than my grandsons.  They are growing into smart, kind, handsome young men.  Love them with all my heart.... (they got to go to the Bengals game last Sunday with their Dad & Mimi's husband Mike).

Andrew - 5th grade already!

Max - 3rd grade

Enjoy the holidays.  I'm working on it - posting on the blog was a start.  I continue to be a work in progress....