B Positive: Happy 16th JP!!!

October 19, 2003.

Should have been one of the happiest days of our lives.

Just a few months before, in July, Melissa shared what she hoped would be the happiest news we could ever hear...she was pregnant! My reaction disappointed her, to say the least.

She had just been diagnosed with breast cancer and protocol was in place. She was to have a port put in for chemotherapy, then start the next day. That was July 2, 2003. It was outpatient surgery, so John stayed home in Cincy and I took her for the procedure. Didn't go as planned. They did routine urinalysis and bloodwork before the procedure and asked if she knew she was pregnant. NOPE.

At that point, protocol changed. They couldn't give her the anesthetic they were going to use. Not sure what they gave her, but it made her very sick. After the procedure, she asked me to call John and tell him to come up. She needed to talk to him. She didn't tell me anything at the time.

John came up that night (and although they were living together in Cincinnati, they never slept in the same room in our house, until this night-old school mom I guess). She told him that night she was pregnant.

The next morning, we took her for her first chemo treatment, which was supposed to last 3 hours.
She came out after 15 min, said she had to go back to the hospital. Something was wrong with the port. I told her (begged her actually) I would go with her, but she insisted on going alone - she had to get back to work anyway. What she was doing was getting an ultrasound to see how far along she was. (almost into her second trimester) After the ultrasound she went to Ascension (the church we belonged to at the time) and talked to the priest. She needed to make a decision - terminate the pregnancy and begin chemo immediately, or not. The priest told her "whatever decision you make, God will understand." She was willing to take the chance. She WANTED this baby.

So protocol changed. She would have a mastectomy, and when the drains came out, she should be into her second trimester when it was safe to have chemo. All this was done BEFORE she told me she was pregnant.

That was a couple of days later...she invited me to lunch. I got to the restaurant and a friend of Nick's just happened to be working as the host that day - James Thompson. He directed me to the side of the restaurant where no one was sitting but Melissa. I thought that was odd. But she told him that what she had to tell me she needed to be alone.

When I got to the table, before I even sat down, she said "I'm pregnant." Then proceeded to say that everything would be ok, that (everything that I explained above) would happen first and everything would be fine! All I could say was "Oh my God". I was scared to death.

But the pregnancy proceeded and everything went well. They even had an ultrasound to find out what they were having so they could pick a name. John Patrick. Perfect. Then I started to get excited!

Our FIRST grandchild!!!

So the story I just related above? That is the story I would have shared with JP EVERY year on his birthday. I do that with my own kids. It's one of those days where you remember every detail. And I think my kids always loved that. What a good story that would be to share. JP was MEANT to be here. His mom and dad went through a lot to get him here!

But that story never got to be told. To JP anyway.

On October 18, Melissa was in the wedding of a good friend from high school. We went, and at the reception she complained (not really complained - she NEVER complained) that her back was hurting. John massaged her back and none of us EVER thought she was in labor. Which she was.

We got home just after midnight when the phone rang. I heard the sirens in the background, and John screaming "the babies coming, the babies coming!!!" Not sure how we found the hospital (Bethesda North in Cincinnati) but we did. When we walked in, Melissa was holding the baby, crying. "I'm sorry Mom"....WHY WHY WHY???????

So my daughter and John lost their child. All their hopes and dreams. Gone. In an instant.

Melissa would tell you that losing the baby had nothing to do with the chemo or her cancer. She had an incompetent cervix. He was breech and they wouldn't deliver him in the ambulance...the umbilical cord was pinched and he wasn't getting any oxygen. They did everything they could to save him.

So they were left with just a few minutes of memories to last a lifetime. Short ones for her and John.

She made a beautiful scrapbook of JP. (Which was in John's house when he passed) It was in one of those plastic zip covers that comforters come in. The scrapbook, clothes that we bought for the baby, a teddy bear, the dress she was wearing in the wedding was in there too. And the pages from the visitors at his funeral.

All we can do is imagine what JP would have been like...who would he look like? We KNOW he would be smart - his mom and dad were both really smart (that's one thing Melissa loved about John, they could have intelligent conversations!!!), he would be funny and he would probably have a belly laugh! And he would be starting college in a couple of years.

We miss not getting to watch him grow up. No cousins for Andrew and Max when they come for holidays.

The only consolation (if you can call it that) is he is with his Mom and Dad.

Happy 16th Birthday John Patrick. We wish so much you (ALL of you) were here to celebrate today.

We'll celebrate your birthday with Nick, Mere, Andrew and Max today, like we do every year.
I promised your mom we would never forget you.

We love you so much.