It's been a rough couple of months. Again.
In about 8 weeks time, I lost two good friends. One to suicide, one to Covid. My friend who took his own life wasn't directly related to covid, but indirectly it was. He had depression issues that were exacerbated by the pandemic. He was a really good guy. We were only colleagues for two years, but stayed in touch for 30. He was so kind. He was his mom's caregiver and a college advisor. He touched a lot of lives.
Only a few weeks later, another colleague from 30 years ago (actually the 3 of us worked together at Moraine Meadows) was diagnosed with covid. Carrie. She was admitted to the hospital on New Years Eve, and within ten days was moved to ICU. I didn't find out she was in the hospital until Jan. 10. I sent her a message and she replied the next morning. "I have been in 12 days. I'm in ICU now. It sucks." Later that day, she sent another message. "I just saw a team of doctors. They are keeping me in ICU for several more days. My oxygen level is low. I can't talk." That was the last message I received from her.
Last summer I went to Deerfield Beach with a group of girls from MM. Carrie was my roommate. One of the other girls (Rachel) said that Carrie called (or texted) her and said "I'm going to need a sub for a couple of weeks." Wow. She reminded me so much of Melissa. When Melissa was in Hospice and the Provost from her department visited, she told him she would be back to work in a couple of weeks. They BOTH loved their jobs and had no intention of dying. Life was going on!!! Unfortunately, it wasn't the end result for either one of them. Carrie was on a ventilator a couple of days later, and passed away on January 24. She was a Mom to twin boys, a caregiver to her parents and the only sibling of one sister.
We met in August 1991 when I was hired at Moraine Meadows. She was the kindergarten teacher. Our rooms were next to each other. We hit it off immediately. Probably because she LOVED the library, and I was the new Librarian.
I was also the Writing to Read coordinator, which meant every spring (for 17 years) she would bring her Kindergarteners to the library for Writing to Read. We had four stations. The writing station (with the teacher), a listening center (with books on tape), computer station and Making Words. That was with me. Carrie's goal for WtoR (later changed to Literacy Lab), was to have all of the students recognizing and writing the letters of the alphabet. At the time (before a lot of kids attended pre-school) we started with the majority of our kids not knowing the alphabet. But they were ready to start writing in the spring!We had so much fun working together.
Carrie was a great kindergarten teacher. First of all, she was about their size! She was patient, but firm. (that would come in handy years later). She had a heart of gold.
She had a memory like a steel trap! (Some of the memories I'm sharing are probably not completely accurate...that's is what I will miss most about Carrie. If I forgot anything, she was the person I would call!!!) I took thousands of pictures at MM in the 20 years I was there. Carrie was the memory.
Carrie was an instigator...at least one time with me! She looked so sweet and innocent...It was either my first or second year at MM. We were in the lounge and one of our teachers had posted a message on the bulletin board. "If you need a housekeeper, see me. Mine is exellent !" Carrie was very observant as well. When she noticed the misspelling, she looked at me and said "Someone needs to circle that with a red pen and write SP" Then she handed me the pen. I was new, so I went along.
When the teacher who posted it saw it a little while later, she immediately went to Josh's room. OF COURSE Josh would do something like this! She walked into his classroom (while he was instructing his class!), held up the card, and said "DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS???" Josh, with his innocent face, said "See Pam Fortener". A few minutes later, she came into my room. Same thing. "DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS???" My reply (sheepishly) "No?" I should have sent her to Carrie's room, because it WAS Carrie's idea, but I loved Carrie. And she was sweet and innocent. So I protected her. Because we were good friends.
I remember the summer after my first year, she came over to show me the new car her husband bought her for their first anniversary. It was a brand new Lexus. Black. Beautiful!
It wasn't long after that that one morning she came into the library and found me reshelving books in between two sets of shelves. She was crying. Her husband wanted a divorce. She was crushed. One of the many adversities that she faced in her too short life. And she moved on and never looked back. Every adversity (major) she faced she handled that way.
My second year at MM, our Principal, Rusty, decided that we were going to a Learning Styles Conference in Chapel Hill, NC. Rusty, Carrie, Jackie, Josh, Debbie, me. He rented an eight passenger van and off we went. The days when the district actually sent you to conferences and PAID for it too!!! The conference was great (made a lot of changes when we returned!) and we did a lot of sightseeing while we were there. On the way home, Carrie made Rusty stop at every McDonalds...she was collecting the toys in the Happy Meals, and wanted the entire collection. (I think it was Madame Alexander dolls). She knew what she wanted and she always found a way to achieve her dreams.
That was the first trip of many. Every trip we became closer; as a staff and as friends. After that, we started doing Mental Health weekends (mostly to Embassy Suites in Covington). We took longer trips in the summers to Gatlinburg, Williamsburg and Saugatuck Mich. The more we travelled, the better we got to know each other. We were becoming a family.
We were there for each other through the adversity. For Carrie, divorces, moving to another school (which she ended up loving!) losing her grandmother who she was so close to, and not long before she was diagnosed with covid, Cancer. She SURVIVED cancer.
We were there for each other for celebrations, too. Birthdays, weddings, graduations and holidays. And for funerals and lost loved ones as well.
About ten years in at MM, Carrie had remarried and was pregnant. I remember the day she went for her ultrasound. She came back to school and we were all in the office. She laid the ultrasound on the counter and said "This one's a boy." We all looked at her. What do you mean "THIS one??" And then she said, "and THIS ONE is a boy!" That's how we found out she was having twins!!! We were all as excited as she was!
Carrie was probably the most frugal person I have ever met. And thoughtful.
She was great at finding good deals and never hesitated to share her findings. She recently sent me a text that she found a t-shirt I might want. It had a butterfly and a message about being kind. She sent a picture too, and told me I could get it at Five and Under. It was only $5!! So of course I bought one! (she knew that butterflies were significant to me.) She occasionally sent me articles that she read on grief and grieving.
This summer, Carrie called. She and Lisa were going to a Premier at the Neon Movies. Did I want to go?Of course. We were meeting at Carrie's (her "new" house that I'd never seen - she'd been there for at least ten years!). When I arrived, she was dressed in the cutest sundress. "Why didn't you tell me you were dressing up????" Her reply? "This was $5 at the thrift store!" Again. Frugal. Best deals!!! Then Lisa showed up. Dressed in a cute sundress. OMG. I was in casual shorts and a top. "WHY DIDN'T you tell me????" Lisa replied "you can be the lesbian"....to which I replied "F*CK YOU" in the most loving way. I can still hear Carrie laughing. (And to my many lesbian friends, please don't be offended. I love you!) As it turned out, they were the only ones dressed up. I was good with that. And I DID call Lisa the next day to apologize and make sure she knew it was said in the most loving way. We laughed AGAIN. You can do those kinds of things with people you love. That's what family is all about.
A few weeks after that, we went to Deerfield Beach, Fl. Carrie, Lisa, Debbie, Rachel, Marie and me. I knew I was staying in the room with Carrie and Debbie, and on the way down, Debbie informed me that I would be sleeping with Carrie, because she snored. I was ok with that. And Carrie was happy to know that she never snored when she slept with ME.
I was hesitant to go on this trip because the covid numbers were so high in Florida. But Donny convinced me. Just wear your mask. You are fully vaccinated. You'll be fine. You need to go. So I did. And I am SO glad I did. Because little did we know at the time (just six months ago!) that this would be the last vacation with Carrie. (Just like the trip to Cape Cod. It was the summer after Melissa passed.2009. It had been in the planning since the previous fall, and I didn't want to go. But they told me they were not going to give up my place. I could decide the day before. Which I did. And I'm so glad on went on THAT trip. Right after we returned, Jackie was diagnosed with uterine cancer. She passed away March 2011. Our last trip with Jackie.)
We had a lot of fun. Didn't have a car, so we walked everywhere. Our hotel was on the beach. The water was beautiful. And it was hotter than hell. One night, we went to an Italian Restaurant. On the sidewalk outside the restaurant there was a DJ playing a lot of dancing music. Great for this group. Except I wasn't up to dancing, so I took videos. I have a great video of Carrie dancing...smiling...having a GREAT time. I was meant to take the pictures and videos (again).
I saw a side of Carrie on that trip that I'd never seen. Her "Mom" side and her "Daughter" side. She would call her sons, you could see the pride in her face and hear it in her voice when she talked to them.Oh, how she loved those boys. And right before we left, she moved her parents out of a 3000sqft home into a 1500 sq ft apartment (independent living) Anything they couldn't let go, she moved to her house. Herself. She was an itty bitty little thing. But that didn't stop her. She was an amazing daughter. While we were in Florida, she not only talked to her parents (this is where the patience and firmness of a kindergarten teacher came in handy) but also to the realtor. Multiple times. On her vacation. She was professional with the realtor (and finally told him to wait until she got home to call again.) And patient with her parents (who were at home on different phones in different rooms.) I was impressed. She took care of them, and continued to enjoy her vacation. I'm so glad SHE did.
On the way home, Carrie had a cough. I was worried about her and she could tell. A couple of days after we got back, she called me and told me she tested negative for covid. School started a couple of days later and she was back to work.
Fast forward six months. She was back to school, right before Christmas break. She wasn't feeling well but continued to work. (Kettering requires masks). She went to the hospital a couple of times and they sent her home. Until New Years Eve. I assume they finally admitted her because of her low oxygen levels.
Debbie sent out updates twice daily. Some days it seemed like she was doing better. But once she was on a ventilator, the news just didn't seem to get better. Her family finally decided on comfort care. For Carrie. Our beautiful, strong willed, vibrant, happy Cancer Survivor. How in the world can this be happening???
When her Prass Elementary family invited us to their Celebration of Carrie's life, I was asked to speak. This post was from my notes.
Donny and I were reminiscing about Carrie and one of the things I told him was how she loved to dance. The next morning, on his way home from an appointment, the song OH VERY YOUNG, by Cat Stevens came on the radio. Since Melissa, we listen to the lyrics of songs more closely.
This made him think of Carrie.
"And though you want to last forever
You know you never will
You know you never will.
And the goodbye makes the journey harder still
Oh very young
What will you leave us this time
You're only dancing on this Earth for a short while....
***
And now you are dancing in heaven, Carrie.
You are loved and missed by SO MANY!!!
Rest in Peace.
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1 comment:
What a beautiful tribute to a special person.
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