TREASURES

I have been working on a Christmas "project" for my dad and a couple of other people and in the process have been going through tons of photos. When Donny saw what I was doing, I told him I would do the same for him, but he had to find the pictures and scan them (I LOVE my new printer/scanner/copier...makes this "project" a lot easier!)...so he's now going through photos and files. In the process, he found these...Melissa was SO talented. I think every Christmas she made something for her friends (I KNOW she and Angie always made gifts for each other) because they never had any money...little did they know that those gifts are the most TREASURED gifts.
I'm pretty sure the doors on her hall in her dorm had her works of art...she was so easy to buy for at Christmas - coloring books and crayons...even in her 20s! She loved stickers and stamps and anything sparkly - probably why she loved scrapbooking so much.
Anyway - here are a few of the treasures we found...I'm sure there are more hidden treasures around the house waiting to be found...and you can bet I will share them on the blog when I find them!




Wasn't she the sweetest little thing...at least when she was with Santa!



Friends....my pretty girl and HER treasures!

Holidays...

Two years ago tomorrow (the Monday before Thanksgiving), Melissa went BACK to the hospital. This time for good.

Here we go again. The holidays are here already, and I'm NOT ready. (Ready or not, here they come...) Too many memories. It's a VERY difficult time of year for me (us).
For the first time, Donny went to a Compassionate Friends Meeting with me last Thursday. The speaker, Rev. Bobbie Predmore, spoke about "Getting Through the Holidays". A good topic for all of us. Although SHE has not personally been where we are (she's not a member of "THE CLUB NO ONE WANTS TO BELONG TO"...) she had some very good insight and very good suggestions to help all of us.
Most specifically - the best gift you can give a grieving parent? Talk about their child. It's interesting - for some people, it's easier to avoid "us" than to talk about our child. We LOVE to hear their name. We LOVE to hear stories about them.
And, for me anyway, I GUARANTEE I will cry. But that's OK. Please don't NOT talk about our child because we (I) "might" cry. It's part of the healing. We NEED to cry as much as we NEED to hear their name and hear their stories. It will be the best thing you can do for "us".

After the meeting, we also received our monthly Compassionate Friends Newsletter. When I got home, I read a great article in the newsletter. I'd like to share some of it here. It will hopefully help you understand where "we" are coming from. Even two years later...

CONFESSIONS OF A PASTOR...by Rev. Greg Hubbard, Goodland, KS

When I left seminary, there were many things I was prepared for; my mistake was believing I was prepared for everythying. In fact, I was not prepared for everything, but I did not realize how totally unprepared I was until I spent some time as a pastor of a community church.

Even though I had been through four years of college and four years of seminary, there was much I was not ready for. Funerals I knew how to do--at least we had discussed them in school. When it came time to help families through the grief experience, however, I soon realized how woefully inadequate my training had been. I believe many pastors leave seminary feeling as I did--ready to take on the world. I believe many soon discover what I did--that the more I experienced as a pastor, the more I realized how little I really did know.

For instance, I used to believe that the grief experienced by a woman whose husband died, or the man whose brother died, or the parents whose child died was the same. I was wrong. As a caretaker of those God has entrusted to me, I set out to do my best at the funeral, to visit afterward, and I then expected the family to get on with their lives. For themost part, people did, that is, except for one group. This particular group puzzled me. I could not figure out why their tears lasted not just months but years longer. I believe you know which group this is. I wanted to understand why this group-- bereaved parents--got hit so much harder, and what I, as one who cared for them, could do.

I set out to learn all that I could about the death of a child. The more I learned, the worse I felt. The group that I had been treating like any other turned out not to be like any other. I no longer believed that all grief was the same--that is to say, that all deaths yielded the same reaction in the grieving process. Some may disagree, but as far as I am concerned, the greatest loss any human can sustain is the death of a child.

I thought over what I had said to bereaved parents to ease their pain. It hurt me to learn I had been just as much a part of the problem as I had thought I was a part of the solution. I also realized that solutions, though possible, are very hard to come by. I learned how inadequate my answers were in the face of a child's death. I came to understand that although it goes against a preacher's constitution, it was often better to keep my mouth closed and listen as one who cared than it was to offer verbal dribble. It was embarrassing to find that I too, was guilty of the disappearing pastor syndrome following the death of a child.

As a result of my post-seminary crash course in parental grief, I've learned a lot of good things. I do not ever tell a parent they can always have another child. I don't attempt to answer "why?" I love them even when they get mad at God. I reassure them that they aren't crazy. I help them through anxiety attacks. I listen more than I talk. I never tell them I know how they feel--they know and I know that I don't. I always tell them and show them that I care. I never ask them to tell me what I can do for them; they won't. I just show up regularly to say I remember and I care. I never let them blame themselves for things God alone has control of. I talk about their child frequently and openly.
***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** ***** *****
(these are excerpts - it was Reprinted from The National Compassionate Friends Newsletter, Sprint 1991) and I felt it was important enough to share.

He also mentions sitting down with your pastor and telling them what bereaved parents go through. "It might surprise them to learn how long grief lasts or that many parents leave their child's room untouched for years".

I'm not sharing with my pastor. I'm sharing with my friends. YOU. Because, hopefully, it will help you understand where we are coming from - and, quite possibly you know someone else who has lost a child. (His last paragraph especially has some good advice!)

Needless to say, I will continue to talk about Melissa. I will ALWAYS LOVE to hear her name and stories about her. And I will cry. I promise. I love her and miss her EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

*************************************************************************
and in TRUE Fort fashion, we end with Drew pics. A happy ending. Always.
(Max gets his turn on another Friday night!)

WE had Drew Friday night - decided to take him to the Mall just in case Santa arrived early ... and guess what? HE DID! Drew got to see Santa (no pictures unfortunately unless we paid 39.99 for the cheapest package...I'm cheap AND I have a good camera), and he got to ride the train around the Mall with Pamma and go to the Toy Store AND see puppies in the puppy mill...er.. Pet Shop....


Hmmmm...maybe SANTA might bring Drew a new helmet for Christmas....(since that little green basket he uses for a helmet is pathetic...)


OK - I KNOW I JUST posted this picture, but hey - it's one of my FAVORITES.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING from our house to yours....

The Edmund Fitzgerald

Very interesting story.
November 10 was the 35th Anniversary of the sinking of the Edmund Fitzgeral in Lake Superior. (Remember the Gordon Lightfoot song "The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald"?)
Paul Riippa, a teammate of Donny's on the Wilmington College Football team was on the Edmund Fitzgerald when it went down.
Paul Riippa was a halfback with Donny. He got to play quite a bit as a freshman.
Before the season started the team had a Talent Show. Two of Paul's friends convinced him he that he was a great singer and he should sing a Neil Diamond song in the show. So he sang "Sweet Caroline". Little did he know that his teammates were putting him on - and they all got a good laugh out of it.
Paul left Wilmington after his freshman year and joined the Merchant Marines.

After his sophomore year, they were selling old jerseys, and Donny bought his jersey and Paul's jersey, and have had them both packed in the attic for 35 years.

On Tuesday Donny was reading an article about the anniversary on the internet. There is a Maritime Museum in Michigan that was having a ceremony in honor of the anniversary. Thinking about the jersey, Donny thought it would be nice to give the jersey to the Riippa family. He sent an email to the museum requesting information on the Riippa family so he could contact them. It was the end of the day, so he didn't wait for a response. On his way home, shortly after pulling out of the parking lot - he turned on the radio...to SWEET CAROLINE. (you know our experience with Melissa sending us songs!)...he really felt like Paul was sending him a message to get in touch with his family. We believe those signs. We get them all the time from Melissa...
Tonight Donny was on the internet looking for the Riippa family again. He found an email for Paul's brother, and sent him a note about the jersey.
Within a half an hour, our phone was ringing. It was Paul's brother. Donny talked to him for about 15-20 minutes, and promised to send him the jersey. He was very grateful.

Donny and I were talking about their conversation after he hung up. It has been 35 years since Paul passed away, and his friends STILL remember him.

How we would LOVE 35 years from now to hear from a friend (or friends) of Melissa's and know that she is still remembered. It's all we can hope for....


Donny with Paul Riippa's Wilmington College Football jersey. Sending it to his brother tomorrow...

********************************************************
What in the world is going on with the Bengals???? Quarterback maybe? I don't know, but we had a good time with Shelly & Bruce anyway. We have been Bengals fans for a LONG time and will continue to be - I just wish they would start winning again...

Bruce, Shelly, Pam, Donny at the Bengals/Colts game in Indy...


believe it or not - we found a worker in the stadium who was a Bengals fan!


windows in the stadium looking out into downtown Indianapolis...


Halftime was in honor of our nations Veterans. Awesome.



view from our seats...

THIS IS YOUR LIFE (fort & nick) and more...

Ok. Here's the deal...our printer hasn't been working for about a year (it works, but you had to feed one page at a time) and I finally decided to upgrade. We're always about five years behind (technology wise) so this might not be very exciting to you - but this new printer PRINTS/COPIES/SCANS. That is VERY exciting to me. So I'm looking at some pictures of the kids hanging on the wall thinking - hey. I can put those on the blog now - I can SCAN them! So here you go - Melissa might not like this - but I'm picking only the cutest pictures. Of both of them...my favorites anyway. Might not end here...as most of you know, Fort inherited her love of taking pictures from me...and I have literally thousands of pictures. I'll post them when I find good ones. Enjoy.


Can you find Fort in this picture? She actually THOUGHT she wanted to be a dancer. It lasted, oh, maybe a month or so. Then I was DRAGGING her to practice each week - literally. I told her she had to finish what she started. At the end of that year, she was in ONE dance at the recital, and it was at the END of the recital. We were done with dance too. After that, Julie Franz stopped us at church and asked Melissa if she wanted to play soccer. That was the beginning of her sports career. She was SO much happier. (It was at Julie's wedding that Melissa & John had their first date!)


She wasn't the tallest one for too much longer after this picture...


She doesn't look too happy here does she? Nick was always the huggy one....


They actually LIKED each other when they were little (occasionally) ...for pictures anyway....



This is one of Donny's and my FAVORITE pictures of Nick & Melissa - Happy Thanksgiving from all of us (early)!


***********************************************************
This is really hard for me to believe, but it was two years ago this weekend that Fort & Johnny Mac had their annual Chili Cook-off. She had been in the hospital for three days before (Wed-Friday) - and INSISTED on getting out Friday to get home so they could have the cook-off. I really thought they should cancel (I mean she only had THREE thorosentecis's in those three days ) but she would not have that. She had to get home to get ready for the weekend. They had the cook-off (and there were lots of pictures on the blog to prove it)...a week later she was back in the hospital for good.
Just doesn't seem possible that it's been two years.
It's days like today that help get us through another day...keeping busy.
One day at a time.....LOVE YOU FORT...and miss you EVERY SINGLE DAY.....
***********************************************************
Started the morning with breakfast at McDonald's with Donny, Nick, Drew & Max. You can see the training building for the Kettering Fire Dept. out the windows @ McD's - and Drew LOVES firetrucks...so Nick & Donny took him over to see the truck after breakfast - I think he's going to be a fireman when he grows up - his great great Grandpa Andy (Rado) would LOVE that - (he was a Capt. in the Dayton Fire Dept. MANY years ago!)


*****************************************************
Headed to Wilmington College today for the Wilmington/Otterbein Football game. Donny got into the attic and found his Wilmington Letter Jacket - still fits...kind of...he wore his green, but we sat on Otterbein's side - cheered for Kevin...Otterbein won. Wilmington struggled this year - new head coach - Ken Minor who was a graduate assistant when Donny played there - Ken played for Wilmington too. Hopefully they will have a better season next year.

Kevin (son of our good friend Sue Franz) & Donny


Kevin is #76...just resting - he plays offense on the line - played the whole game - couldn't get good action shots, so I got the best one I could get. They need to REST too...


the FRANZ clan (and friends - us) tailgating...before, during and AFTER the game...

KELTS 49 Flint 28!

The Cincinnati Kelts men's team played Flint (MI) Saturday. The winner (KELTS!) continue to the semi-finals in the spring.

CONGRATULATIONS KELTS!


Cincinnati Kelts WOMEN'S team - the biggest supporters of the MEN'S team (men are the women's team's biggest supporters!)A lot of Melissa's teammates are STILL playing! (Netti, Eva, Bea, Ebeth...I know I'm forgetting some - sorry!)
Their shirts spell out KELT'S EAT FLINTSTONES!


Uncle Johnny Mac tries to keep Max in tow...might be easier on the field playing rugby!


the only way to keep Max within eyeshot is to hold him - he's a wanderer...isn't too happy to be on pop pop's shoulders...


this shirt says it all.....


Let the game begin! The women's team each represented a player on the men's team- BEA had J-MAC!


wanna be rugger....


Could Max possibly be a FUTURE KELT???? Fort would LOVE that...so would we!


**************************************
Nick & Mere were out of town for a couple of days - so we had Drew & Max - Thursday & Friday night until Saturday afternoon. Watched Monsters Inc. (for the,oh, 100th time)and followed Max around constantly. He is always looking for something to get into - and thinks he can WALK down the steps. This is why you have kids when you are in your 20s! We're exhausted - but it was fun.

Takin' a walk with Pamma-just happy to be outside!


Max - ready to play football!



****************************************
this is ME...according to one of my Kindergartener's! He checked out this book about monkeys and came up to me really excited. "Mrs. Fortener - look - it's YOU!"
I just started laughing and asked him why he would say that... "He's thinking!" I guess I do that a lot (hold my hand on my chin)...WHEW. I was a little worried there for a minute!

Busy October

Another dream...Haven't had a dream about Melissa since we were in Charleston, S.C. this summer. I didn't see or hear her in this dream, but I KNOW it was about her. I was at a state park - had driven to a small parking lot in the park. I think just to be by myself. I turned off the car and was just sitting there, and the car started moving. I said "MELISSA, STOP IT." Then it started rolling. I tried starting the car - honking the horn (that didnt' work), even got out of the car and started yelling for help. Of course my voice wasn't working...so I got back in the car. It kept rolling - turning corners, and finally rolling into what I think was like a hall or arena of some kind. When I ended up there, I was in a WAGON. (yep, a kids wagon!) and it rolled on it's own too. Where I ended up there were tons of OUR friends AND Melissa's friends (I remember Stacy being there!)....when I told Donny when I woke up - he said "that's a VERY symbolic dream .... I guess she was trying to tell me something? At any rate - I know it was her. For some reason, she's just not SHOWING herself to me. How I would LOVE that.
********************************************************************

Happy Halloween

It was a beautiful night for trick or treaters...we probably had 100-125!


Drew was a fireman...just like his GREAT GREAT Grandpa Andy!


Max was a puppy for Halloween...a CUTE puppy if I do say so myself...


***********************************
Happy 50th Birthday Sue!
A few year's ago Melissa made a poster for Sue. It was Maya Angelou's poem
PHENOMENAL WOMAN. She did it in her beautiful "scrapbook" handwriting. Not sure if she gave it to her for her birthday, or Christmas, or just because.
Sue let us put it out at the funeral. We've had it ever since. She never asked for it, but I knew I needed to get it back to her. We BOTH love anything Melissa gave us. So I decided to wrap it up and give it back to her (from Melissa) for her 50th birthday.
As I was writing in her card, "you KNOW Melissa will be there today"...the puzzle went off (you know, the puzzle that goes off whenever she wants us to know she's around!)... (it went off again this morning when Nick was talking about some hokey scarey Halloween movie he and Mere watched last night...he said something about Fort and it went off again...)
* * * * * *

Melissa's Godmother, my sister Sue, turned 50 Oct. 30. I know Melissa would want everyone to know her Aunt Sue is 50!


SISTERS... Pam(middle), Sue (baby), Donna (guess)
All three of us put on our "readers" when we got our menus. SOMEONE thought it was funny....


Sue & Dad


Donny, Sue, Pam


Donna, Sue, Dwayne


Sue, Mike, Janice


Nick, Mere, Drew, Max & Sue


Drew helps Aunt Sue blow out the candles...


*********************************
No longe "the red house" on the street...hope you can find us....
BEFORE. Too many shades of red. Need to clean it up a bit....


AFTER. Nice. Clean. I like it, but the "red house" had character (5 shades of red gave it character, I guess). I'm pretty sure Fort would like it. Now trees get trimmed this week. It's ALWAYS something.

Breast Cancer Awareness MONTH

If you are reading this blog for the first time - you probably walked 60 miles in Atlanta this weekend....THANK YOU for that. This blog is all about Fort, but I have been posting since Jan. 2009.
You want to read what SHE wrote. Be sure to go to www.fortscancersux1.blogspot.com
That is the beginning of her posts - not the beginning of her journey though. She started the blog when she had her first reoccurence and had mouth sores - didn't like talking on the phone - but LOVED to write. You have to go to the END - kind of read backwards. The most recent post is what you will see first. Go to the archives on
fortscancersux1 and go to May 2005 - I think that was her first post. She was in remission for about a year and a half - but continued to post. She shut down that part of the blog, then started a new one - fortscancersux - after she got "the job of her dreams" at the University of Cincinnati. She posted until Christmas Eve 2008.
I KNOW you will enjoy what she wrote - she was funny AND inspiring. She lived EVERY SINGLE day and never gave up.
Enjoy.

*********************************************************
October was a VERY busy month. Enjoy the pics.
Ready for it to slow down a little.
*********************************************************

The Cincinnati Kelts Rugby Football Club
7th Annual "Trying for a Cure" Fundraiser
to benefit the Susan G. Komen Foundation and the Melissa "Fort" McLaughlin Scholarship Fund

(to Pauly and E'beth - our goals are twofold - ONE - to raise money for research to eradicate this disease and TWO - that no one EVER forget FORT. Your fundraiser does both. Thank you - we LOVE YOU!)

I have to say, I can't believe it's been SEVEN years. Melissa was diagnosed with breast cancer in June of 2003. In October 2003, the Cincinnati Kelts men's rugby club, along with the Kelts women's team, held the first breast cancer fundraiser (and Fort helped!).
It was pretty amazing.

She had some incredible friends. I can't say enough about her rugby friends. Actually, they were more like her & John's extended family. An amazing support group. And they continue to be an incredible support system for John AND for our family. We love them all SO much.

The fundraisers just keep getting better. As hard as it is for me to be in "group" settings, or any kind of celebration, it's easy to be around her friends. They all have stories about her, and I can talk about her as much as I want (or need to!).

Thank you Pauly & Elizabeth for organizing this again. And thanks to all of you who worked and supported this yesterday. I would name all of you, but I'm sure I would forget someone, and I would hate to leave anyone out - but I took lots of pictures last night, so you'll get an idea of what a great group this is.
Fort loved to laugh and have fun, and this was PERFECT for her.
Thank you, again. From the bottom of our hearts. We look forward to NEXT year's fundraiser!

*********************************************


This was the last Kelts Fundraiser FORT attended. She is in the middle with the blue hat on. I have to say, she was not feeling great that day. I think the breathing was starting to get bad about that time. But she STILL had a smile on her face. This was October 2008.






Gay Greg (not really...but the boa helped me remember his name...)


Donny & Pauly


Eva & Kat (Fort's teammates)











Angie(Fort's teammate) & Nick


Pam & Kat (another of Fort's rugby teammates!)


I wore my FORT shirt, Donny wore Cincy-Dayton Women's Rugby shirt and Nick wore his GOONIES shirt. It was one of his and Melissa's FAVORITE movies.


Derrick & Pam


Donny & Derrick. Last time we saw Derrick, he was wearing a dress. He looked so cute...sorry Derrick, we didn't recognize you without your dress!


Pam & Pauly


JMac & Nick (MY boys)


Netti & her mom


Misti & E'beth (Fort's former rugby teammates)


I wanted my picture with this guy because he was wearing a FORT shirt...when I went up to him, he said "I'm your friend on Facebook!" It was Royal. He won the Melissa "Fort" McLaughlin keltic pride award last year! (sorry Royal, my memory is not very good any more!)


Donny & his girls (hehe)


Rugby parents...NEITHER of our daughters were there, but we wouldn't MISS THIS. Dave & Edie, Pam & Donny (Kyra is in California-Fort is in heaven :o)


thanks DAN W. for sharing your shirt! Remember - this fundraiser is all about the boobs.


E'beth working the tickets...THANKS E'beth!


STOP STARING. START CARING....uh...it's hard not to stare at THIS....(Netti & Angie)


Seagal - waiting for me to draw the ticket for the winner of the Friday's coupons...


And the winner is....Pauly stands on the bar to announce the winners of the raffles. This year he started out with one of my butterfly stories and one of HIS butterfly stories - it was hilarious. Fort would have LOVED it. Nick sold the winning ticket!


*******************************************************************
Susan G. Komen 3-Day Walk - Atlanta, GA.

My good friend Sharon and her daughter Karyn are right about now finishing 60 miles in Atlanta. They did the walk this year, just the two of them. Have been getting texts from Sharon - whenever she CAN - about where they are and how they are doing. In the last text, she said she ran into THREE people who were wearing FORT buttons from LAST year! I love that. Gotta start making buttons for NEXT year's walk.
THANK YOU SHARON & KARYN for taking this on again THIS year!!!! LOVE YOU!

Sharon is a first grade teacher in Kettering. Her windows face a busy street in Kettering (Stroop Rd.) She had her student make pink pumpkins for their windows - she made the ribbons... I LOVE IT!


****************************************
Making Strides for Breast Cancer - Dayton, OH - October 16, 2010

This is the seventh year we've done this walk. It's always late October. Starts at the Dayton Dragons field (downtown) and goes through the Dayton Metro Parks. BEAUTIFUL. The leaves are changing and the weather is always perfect. Fort loved it, I think mostly because she loved the fall. Another great fundraiser - this one sponsored by the American Cancer Society.




Mere & Crystal


Either Max is singing here or he isn't very happy....


Jen's stuff - bag she used to carry the pink rugby ball in the Marathon in Jacksonville!


Fort's family walking for her...Donny would have been there but has football meetings every Saturday morning.






Barb, Crystal, Pam, Jen





************************
CHANGES....

One of the hardest things to do in the last year and a half is to change. ANYTHING. Around the house, I mean. Some days (most days) I just want time to stand still. Everything has to be JUST like it was December 2008. I want things to be like they were when Melissa was HERE. So changing things in and around the house is really difficult. So something we have been talking about doing for probably, oh, 10 years, we finally decided to go ahead. It's like taking a HUGE leap - letting time go on. Which I don't really want to do. BUT. I KNOW Fort would love this. Our house was about 3 or 4 shades of red. It's time. I'm pretty sure she will be able to find our house....I'm not so sure about everyone else. If you are coming by to visit - don't look for the red house - look for the white picket fence. The house will be grey with a colonial blue shutters. I'm sure SOMEONE will drive right by looking for the red house...and it will probably be me.




ewww...UG-LY. No insulation under the old siding...hmmmm. Windows we had put in 10 years ago were framed in with wood either...hmmmm. I guess you have to watch when you have work done on your house...